They Have Not...

May I whisper sweet nothings
In the middle of your night
When sleep you can not
When there's no one in sight
I'd whisper in the morning
And I'd whisper in the night
I'd whisper softly in your ear
When sleep eludes you in the night
I'd whisper my, darling close your eyes sleep tight
Whilst am holding you in my arms
Making everything alright
I'll deposit a kiss on your lips
& your name I'll whisper softly
Whilst holding you tightly in my arms
Just tight enough to let you know
That am holding you for dear life!!
A life that's unfairly treated you
By those, that gave you, life
Ambiguously, now you live from day to day
Whether it rain shines or not
Every day of your days
In your heart
Immeasurable the pain resides
When those, that should have loved you, have not
Shunning their offspring,
Ashamed they should be!!
Now every day of his days
Ambiguously showing that you're ok
But the scorn that you know so well
Pouring from every orifice, every which way
Leaving you mentally scarred every day of your days
Wrecked psychologically
Their minds f..ked up turbulence reigns
Every day of their days
Wondering, If they'd love you more, today come whatever may
Love unconditional should be, it matters not what they say
Protecting us every day of our days
Preconditional love exists not to a child's mind...
One just loves with our minds our hearts
Why must they attempt when they know they should not
Creating that child when love lives not in their hearts
Their selfishness paramount it's not a game they say
Caring not for their creation blood of their blood!!
Living day in day out, cowering in fright
Anxiety dispersing not from their anguished minds
Withholding their love!
The title of parenthood, they have no right...
Indeed, no they have not!
By Connie James

THIS IS CHRISTMAS....

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

This is the time to remember those we loved but are no longer here,
To commemorate our nearest & dearest
But, most of all those that have gone, to pastures new...
Papa so loved Christmas, he'd prepare well in advance
He'd make a beautiful grotto, with Jesus in a manger,
Mary and Joseph standing by...
One had, to see to believe, how beautiful it was
The artist in him he was a great sculptor...
He made everything, from the figures to the baubles...
The shepherds, the three wise kings,
The glitter, scattered here and there, for a child it was a fantastic sight.
On Christmas morning there was Mama, Papa and Us 
Gathered around the manger, no Christmas tree then
Each and everyone receiving a small gift...
Chin chinning, each other, with much merriment ... 
He had the habit of bringing a little firewater,
First thing in the morning, believe it or not 
That's how we started our morning, fire water for the adults
Just to keep the fire in their bellies, honey liquor for the little ones
And orange segments, as a sweetener to have after the drink...
All were welcome each and everyone, no one went hungry...
Those who knocked on our door were fed, no one was turned, away...
The stories they use to recount so, much fun, the jokes Papa came out with,
Had everyone, ringing with peals of laughter, the madness was such,
It was catching, we laughed until our sides hurt
Laughing, from ear to ear 
And tears spilling from our eyes
The aroma coming from Mama's kitchen, as she was cooking lunch
She was such an excellent cook, I still salivate at the memory of it... 
The table set beautifully, with the best crockery ...
Of course, the best glasses, that later we'd play music clinking on the glasses 
With luncheon over, the music would start, 
And of course, Papa being a musician his baton in hand 
Just to lead us on as always the noise was such, bedlam!
Anything we could get our hands-on...
The pots and pans weren't safe they, acting as drums
The saucepan lids as cymbals spoons kind of maracas
And we had to play in tune.
As he pointed at each and every one of us
Killing himself with laughter
His baton, oh my! His, baton clipping our shoulders!     
And poor Mama begging, begging for the noise to stop...
Papa said, oh woman let us be, we're making music can't you see
With much exhilaration says he!! 
When I think about this, that's no exaggeration...
The most beautiful time spend together...
A well-spent day, with frolickings, over.
Papa beaming happy shining on, his dark brown eyes the lighting up
The whole family together spending such a glorious day...
There was, not the materialistic things that they have today
But we needed not such material things, we had their, attention   
And we had our music never, never forget the music.
Mama Papa just made it unique... for at Christmas day
We had everything we needed, forever and a day
We were a family together, Papa Mama and us...

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

                          By Connie James...

Dancing Alone

Dancing Alone!

Through my mirrored glass I see you
Starring at me!
As I brush my long hair
That look that tells me how wrong can I be!
The light shining in your eyes for me, I see
Me that adores you, the very core of my being
I hate when your away from me
Missing you, your arms about me
Running down my staircase
Catching up with you
Skipping a beat my heart
As I look into your eyes
The intensity of your gaze
My breath escaping from me
Bursting from my chest my heart
Almost killing me!
You know how I feel for you
My primal feelings
In my primitiveness the wanting of you
Help I can not,
This obsessive obsession of you!
Missing you,
My eyes are missing you
My arms, my body's crying out for you
My lips hungrily kissing you
As you hold me close to you
It's never enough
To be at one with you
The wildness of you
The euphorics in me can never be enough
On that gossamer cloud will always be swaying
The moon in her full light
Scintillating above me
Your blue eyes smiling as we're dancing
Our minds lost
Inwardly's my highs intermingling with my low's
Not at all in sync with me
All I need is to see a likeness of you
And am lost in time my mind
In the essence of you
looking into your eyes...blue
Making me feel!
Ahh, darling making me feel!
Into overdrive, I go
Like an enchantment bewitching me
Making me feel real!!
There's a madness running through me
As it comes down to you
In my mind, I see you in my primitiveness
Bewitchingly I see you, see you!
Taking hold of me;
Shivers tingling through me
Awol I go irrevocably in my mind
In my blood, a madness so sweet
There goes I again helplessly
As I circle my arms about me
As am dancing alone!!
Fragmenting...

               By Connie James

Preparing For Christmas

I 've spent, all day getting the house ready for Christmas...
I cleaned dusted vacuumed and polished every orifice
the decorations will be hung on
To make it more Christmassy 

I've set the tree and hung the lights and put pretty baubles on
I've hung garlands, really everywhere 
The old boy saying don't go over the top, 
Really there's no need...

he's such a humbug, spoiling the enjoyment
If you don't want Christmas, just go and live in a cave...
He's such a Neanderthal, a real caveman. 
So I just ignored him and went my sweet way...

So I dressed all the decks, ready for Christmas day.
Have to make a cake or two, and some mince pies.
The old boy isn't that much, of a Neanderthal. 
He likes his cakes and a mince pie or two...

And if I don't watch it, he'll eat the blooming lot,
There, will be the mulled wine, he likes the way I do
With the rind of oranges...
Cinnamon sticks and star anise...

I'll add a bit of Port, and some Drambuie too.
Then a touch of rum, and that's really nice says he
And while am doing all of this, I have my music on... 
Vivaldi on the deck, playing the four seasons on and on.

Then Beethoven, Symphony Nr. 5, 
Wow, that's some powerful sound... 
By the time Christmas arrives, I'll be cockeyed 
In need, of I know not what, a rest would be good...

So welcome all my friends, 
Yah, life is good...

                           By Connie James 

Poetry's in your blood

Poetry's in your blood like music's in mine
The touch of your face
Like a feather, lightly touching mine
The look in your eyes tells me am not wrong
The hunger from our lips
As we take thirsty sip's
There's only the moon to light our path
And a little rain to quench our thirst
But the rain's bother's us not
It's just immaterial when lovers meet
Their's no reasoning in their minds
When lovers speak...
As fire's, in our blood
It burns in our minds our hearts
As we cling to one  another
Our eyes never leaving the other
Reading what's in our minds...
You are my sun my moon & the stars
You are the highest mountain that I must climb
For without you, my darling there is no life
As I see you, I see you in my mind's eyes
My face lights up like the sun
At it's brightest, as I see you
I miss you don't you know!
When your, not there!
As I search you, mind in despair
Seeing  you am, flying high
Like a bird swaying in the sky
In the extremities of my mind,
Caressing you I reach high one more time
In the recesses of my mind
Am kissing you...

               By Connie James  

Like A Poetry...

Like A Poetry...

Remember can not that first kiss.
Not very memorable.
Or was I a wet fish, inexperienced innocent 
Or wasn't I in love enough,
My chosen one he was not.
Just a boy falling for me...So said he.
I knew not how to kiss.
His kisses excited not me.
Or was it lack of practice.
I know not!!!
Until you came along sending shivers through my spine.
Your voice that Celtic twang.
The look of you,
That Viking I've created in my mind.
I can remember that first kiss leaving me wanting.
Beneath the sunshine.
Whisperings intermingling in my, minds mind
Shakingly I closed my, eyes
I was holding on to you.
My hands upon your shoulders.
Just to steady me... so!
Your pheromones heightening my senses
Your muskiness playing havoc with me my mind
My senses having no defences when he's about at any time.
Kissing you that very first time.
The euphoria within me...
My imagination running wild.
Playing havoc in my mind, in a frenzy
I gave myself to you that noon day the very first time.
Inebriated by love or lust, I know not, matters not.
I was lost in your hold your arms.
Whispering touching experiencing love.
Hungrily I kissed your lips
The feeling mesmerising touching mine, your lips
 Never knew it could such as this
Making love that very first time.
Dragging out of me this wanting initiating love
My Viking that I've built in the recesses of my mind, his hair wild.
It's redness like the sun burning, my blood
I let him lay his hands as no one has ever before.
My mind euphorically.
Incandescently his sweet nothings burning a hole in my mind.
My minds on fire my blood!!
As he said goodbye after such a short time.
My tears flowed like a river ...
A turbulent river.
White waters spuming from my eyes...
Now sitting by the riverside.
Across from the church, I see him cycling by.
Cascading floating in a whisper
Bare trees empty like my heart.
 Shedding its leaves carpet like in a dream
 The autumnal leaves swaying in the breeze
Above a canopy of yellow & golden light.
In the distance I see him coming
Was I dreaming in the eyes of my mind
Never expected him near, at any time!
I waited excitedly!
But, I had nothing to give.
Except, but, me!
Our first kiss
Like a poetry
By Connie James...

Feeling Human...

Out of my window,
The view it's as grey as can be
Leaving me in a world of ambiguity...
Grey morn's, I like not it's as miserable as can be
As I hide beneath my quilt hibernating
As the old boy brings me a cup of tea 
Flowing like a river my tears
Cause am sad as can be
That before my eyes a gossamer impeding me
From visualising beyond my misty morns
I like not mistiness greyness it does nothing for me
Except leaving me in desultory
Energy can find not cause it's as grey as can be
My mind refusing to accept this greyness before me
Reaching high trying unfurling those curtains in the sky
As wide as can be
But the denseness is such
It does not help me!
Getting up on my perch it helps not me
Even on my tip toes overbalancing me
Looking beyond my universe
It's as high as can be
But I know I know that behind those gossamer clouds
A blue sky there will be
With the sun brightly scintillating before me
I need brightness in the darkness of my days
Dispersing, those gossamer clouds, from my mind my eyes
Letting lightness in, leaving me feeling
Much more humanly!!

By Connie James

Just One Day

Just One Day

Just one day in my life just one day
I'd love to be loved like no other in any other way
Someone there for me. and love me unconditionally,
No matter what I do what I say
Someone to hold me tightly even if I push you away
To hold me grounded in every way
To share my love my life even in spite of my ways
The ambiguousness in, in what I say
Things that I spew when am hurt when you walk away.
Walk from me without a word in any way.
The silence's a killer in every day
And my heart's screaming out why!
Why you're walking from me I know not, no way
Yesterday so many, many yesterdays.
When you'd hold me by the hand and say
You are my love my life the Stellar in my sky's.
You've sparkling diamonds in your eyes
When you smile when you laugh filling my heart.
In an inexplicable way.
Loving you the way I do it matters not what they say,
The ambivalence in me who's to say
I know not why I love you this way
With a body that thinks not in any way
With a mind obsessively in every way.
Reasoning not, come what may
With love, you can not reason in any way.
And a head uncoordinated stubbornly they'll say
Love you not they'll say in any way.
Conspiring with others my love you'll say, Je t'aime.
To keep me happy to keep me quietly but 
My love extinguishable is not in any way.
My heart cry's out for you, every day of my days.
We live in a world, I understand not in any way.
With a people that care's not, I must say
The ambiguity, the obtuseness sometimes in me.
It's there for everyone to see
When I extol my love uncontrollably
 When it comes down to you in every way
They'll say just let it be let it be!
In my heart...
The constriction in my heart is such
No one sees what I feel every day of my days
When you're away from me without a say
Ominously I'll think you love me not in any way.
Yesterday why must I think of, yesterdays
When love was sweet in every way
We'd sing and dance at every chance
When togetherness was our way.
Now the stormy winds, blown it all away.
We're left ambiguously what to think what to say
With a brain refusing to say no more...
Je t'aime...Je t'aime..............

Connie James

Our Mother Earth

This is more of an essay...
An epic kind of my mind turning...
Your welcome to read it...If you care to
(((((((((((Our Mother Earth))))))))))))

The heartbeat of our world it's breath raspingly
As we count our heart beats one two and three
Like a bellow's pumping oxygen into our world
Gently puffing as she breathes deeply so alive is she!
Our Mother Earth
She's home can you see not, her voice intoningly for all to hear
As she sings imploringly,
The vibrations carrying far and wide
From the mountain highs the savannahs the valley's down below
It's intonation rising beyond the sky's high above you and me!
Where condors sway on the thermal winds
Above our firmament, swaying floating dancing in the breeze
The complexity of she understands one can not
As she goes from A-to-Z
Upon her shoulders carrying her lot so strong is she.
Ambiguity can not desert distract her world
That once upon the time could forget not the complexity of she...
The diversity of she is there for all to see as she watches you and me
If only you open your eyes and see
It's awesome panorama surrounding thee
It's beauty by far you have seen not, can not see
From the savannahs wild so wild going about their world
There goes those beasts about their world, ambiguity not on their minds.
For they think, not greediness not on their minds
They just take what they need, at the time there's no greed
Enrichment is not on their minds.
The rain forests, their density that once was such a sight to see
A diversity of colours green! you'll ever see
In the time of autumn the richest colours you'll ever see
Before your eyes
The profoundness of colours defunct, cascading floating gently
From their canopy of colours,
The reds, the rusts the bronzes intermingling with the golds
Right there before your eyes the richest carpet, you'll ever see
Under their canopy nakedly they'll be
So proudly displaying before our eyes
The greatness of their beauty, falling at our their feet.
Waterfalls exuding from her like tears in anguish.
The densest cloud gossamer-like the density is such

Impeding our eyes from visualising its intensity
From her eyes flowing tears as if in pain within
Her diversity is such in a blink of an eye
Gone before you realise what she's all about
Nature abounds everywhere
Before your very eyes so attuned one becomes
Crowding our sky's those birds going by across our firmament...
The elegance of those Swans the Flamingos the Condors flying high!!
And all those in between, all the little birds of our world!
O why can I not be a bird flying high
In the extremities of my sky's
Riding those thermal winds, why can not I!!
In my imagination there goes I
Swaying floating through those eternal winds of life
Goes I so attuned was I,
Swaying dancing in those winds of life never wanting to end
Beneath our oceans our sea's life's beautiful
Like those whales holding hands as if dancing the Danube
So attuned were they
A kaleidoscope beneath our oceans
A diversity of colours, one sees one's mind overflowing, in intensity
Whilst above our sky's beyond our, universe our stars...
A better sight you'll see not as far as I can see
It's the rising of the sun unfurling before me
Like an entity casting its eyes upon me bright like a diamond
In its immensity like rivers of gold, viscus tumbling into the sea
A new day a new life, a new meaning new hope
A new beginning for you for me
But our mother earth's hurting, the greediness of our world
Grasping wanting everything destroying, life's nature...
This thing needing of wanting more than we need
Destroying our forests
Whether or not there's a need
Their cull'ing our wild life's with their greed
Our medicine there not, medicine comes not into it!
They're just living breathing hearts beating just like you and me
Were we in their position, hunting us down
Killing us slowly extracting our bones crushing down
For that elusive magic potion, that kick, that elusive kick up the pants
That aphrodisiac or so they believe
Why can't they just live and let live!!
And their coats our clothes their not to guard us, from the cold.
Their cutting cull'ing raping our world in every way, you can see
They're ripping burning our forests leaving desolation behind
Scarred flagellated screaming out hurting dying for their greed
Poisoning our world chemically, the animals they breathe forcefully
Stuffing our faces greedily such a sight ghastly to see!
As if a tomorrow, there wouldn't be!
Our forests are plundered of its life you see
Killing everything in sight the animals, the trees a scarred land.
That once the home of many, from the animals
To it's indigenous peoples to the rain forests you see
A scarred land our world, now extinct for the greediness
From this so called animal, these intelligent human beings!
They are killing our world!
In desolation, they'll rule our world, such sights
These accursed human beings eating our way it hurts to say!
Eating our way into the extinction of the animals of our world
Our rain forests now nakedly with the destruction
From those greedy cooperates, greedy buggers
Leaving nought but destruction, desolation wherever they roamed...
Our seas our lands of ice are melting away
Tears of blood our worlds crying
Whether there's time's enough or not,
To turn things around...
God only knows!

By Connie James...

It's An illusion ...........

It's an illusion
Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears escaping my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Escaping from the very core of me
My mind perturbed in pain, my heart
And everything else in between
My life my love desired's not
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
From dawn till the going down of the sun in the evening,
My thoughts were his .
And every second in between...
In my mind's the tribulation,s enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within me, my minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late, to want to hold he, against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
Whilst I whisper his name
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread my life!
Is it worth! living it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me!
Wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the recesses of my mind desolation live's...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the extremity's, of my mind,
My mind that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering it...
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me!
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
In ambiguity my mind, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me disguising not his feelings
But as I touch his mind with mine
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms aching for the touch, the very depth's of me
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse from me
His mind's not, can hold not me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can hold not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind, I can not!
It's an illusion.

By Connie James...

Do I Pray!!

Do you pray!
I've been asked the other day
No!
Not anymore I must say
An unbeliever I've become
An agnostic I'll be
Since a mere teenager, I was
I've become unarmoured with religion you see
A lot of hypocrites they'd be...
Runs in my family hypocrisy!!
I so abhor!!
And so a rebel I've become I listen not to anyone
I do my own thing,
Someone, much higher I believe there is
Much higher than you or me!
A supreme being maybe
But I believe not in these priests, these purists!
Pure they'll not be
The evilness in some of them
Scary!!
Then I was asked
What would you like most in the world?
Well that's not too hard says I
I'd wish peace amongst the peoples of our world
To live in love and harmony stop killing one another
The greed amongst them inherently will be...
But I do ache inside of me!
Infernally!
With tears flowing silently
My throat constricting my breath
Breaking out with a cry, my heart shattering
Into thousand pieces...
In between tears I tell he
What I'd most like in the world
Would be to have back my family
Like we used to be
And look into his eyes telling he, that I!!
Assiduously I try not
Let it disperse from me trying, trying!
Bursting breaking my heart
Into a thousand pieces fragmented
My world's shattering up around me
I care not I think not, I can not bear
They've gone from me
Friends cannot pass the time of day
Always in a hurry to go by the way
Even though saying how great I was
Saying hello fleetingly, pass the time of day
Running from me!
His features popped into my eyes disturbingly
Know not what scares he
Feeling uneasy!
Within me, as my tears falling achingly
Sorry for myself I guess I'll be!
This thing that annoys me most, my feelings!
How I miss papa on this epochal season
He was the Stellar, in my skies
He had diamonds scintillating in his eyes, for us
His arms huge like a bear hugging us
Always that smile the light of love in his eyes
Our hero he was!
Nothing's worth this misery I feel within me
In my mind, I'd love to be free!
Free from the bastards in our world!
To be just me!!...

                      By Connie James ...

The Only Face

The Only Face...

It has launched a thousand ships
A thousand ships or two
It's a good face, for anyone to see
It's a face ingrained in their minds
It's the only face that I see.
Between you and me!
A better, face you wouldn't see so far I can see
It's launched thousands of ships
Sailing the seas
I being one of those maidens
Has stayed in my memory
So full of strength, that face of his
Those seeds you've cast upon my mind.
Roaming across the miles goes he!!
Fathoms, deep skimming across the seas.
Distant lands hollering...
Oi there me beauty's me, dearies
He'd came, a hollering
His longboat, the Vikings of old
So in love or lust, those maidens would he
As he came cruising around the headland
Disheveled hair he came a running upon the shore
As he landed in paradise their god...
In their primitiveness once more
Like never before as they carried he shoulder high
Ambiguity to be seen not anywhere
Hollering like a war game
Carrying their man with the long red hair
His eyes blue, so blue gazing far & wide
This paradise land, beyond the horizon far
The bluest of skies
Whispering winds, swaying in the breeze,
The mountains high the lagoons
Those waterfalls, so blue
Like a gossamer curtain shimmering in the sun.
Crystal clear diamonds scintillating
In the noonday, before madness sets in
Scanning his eyes far and wide,
A land spoiled not, by man, a paradise land
Being carried shoulder high
Through his paradise his domain,
He ruled with fairness and love
His heart, his maidens retained
As they proudly stood by
With mischievousness in they're eyes
As they gazed into his face,
A face brimming with love
For his beauty's on the horizon far
Fathoms deep, across the miles
A face that launched ten thousand ships.
But those long boats in their minds mind 
Those pirates that he ruled with a fist of iron
Recognised was he, hollering he arrived
Drums beating, infernally Vikings of old
Rampaging manically...
But the face the only face refrain they could not 
In far distant lands, recollecting... 
He that ruled their, world.
With fairness & love
Carrying him shoulder high
Their god, with the long red hair;
And the bluest of blue eyes.

By Connie James...

Midnight Hour

Midnight hour

Beyond the midnight hour do not go..
For I want you here with me...
I can read your mind, you came so close to me
From that very first touch shockwaves shooting through me
Each kiss, each touch like a fibrillation to my heart
Quivering so attuned, your pheromones and mine 
Flowing heightening my senses
Adrenalin cruising trough my blood my mind 
Euphorically am in a frenzy 
Grasping my senses, you won't let me be
Crying out your name please don't go 
My mind spiralling touching nothing,   
Nothing to anchor me nothing at all
Reasoning can not, one can not reason, 
When endorphin's in your blood's like a drug
On cloud nine was I riding with the sparrows in the sky 
Beating in time my heart like a drum, my blood
Slowing downs a must, my beating heart!  
But desist I can not, that mountain high I must climb
Stumbling down rolling like a rock, stop can not my heart
Uncontrollably my mind's in a mire  
Awful long time since we made love
To celebrate our love, won't you just stay a while 
My darling beyond the midnight hour attempt to not go
To me, you'll be lost if you went beyond the midnight chimes
My mind my senses I'll be lost
If you attempt beyond the midnight hour to depart 
For there'll be no returning for me
My heart my darling my mind for you'll be lost to me!
As I gaze at you I am smiling in my heart
Making me sing all the while                  
Then beyond the midnight hour's you'll go
I'll be left,weeping, for you for me...
Why must you torment me
This, game flipping my heart yet again
At the sight of you jumping before me saying hi! 
My concentration AWOL goes 
In the gossamer clouds, of my mind
Eluding me from the periphery vision of my eyes  
Leaving me with the sense, of being lost  
Flowing my tears, miserably
Like a Jack in a box popping on and off
Can't take it much more ignoring me
Just stay away from me, why don't you! 
Tormenting me! I need not
Why can you not feel as I do...
Much I need not, just your arms around me
Holding me tight telling me it'll be alright
But going beyond the midnight bell you'll be lost to me
I'll be lost ambiguously searching your image in every man I see
A soul lost searching in time, of all times
That went beyond the midnight hour.
Never to be seen.  

                   By Connie James 

         

Uli!!

Ahh, Uli!! 
Missing you 
Why should they block you, imprison you
Behind the gates of hell, oh what a to do 
What will we do without you!
How dare they keep us from you
You that brings a smile to our eyes with your photos, you do!
Or have we had anything to do with our answers to your posts! 
Liking, not the freedom of our speech! 
But we are friends we are missing you 
Missing your different visages the many faces of Uli !
The younger, Uli with mischief in his eyes
You can see the naughtiness in he 
Wonder what's like to be an Adonis 
Those that know him much better than me 
For am a mere novice in his mind's eyes 
To our harem our Koenig he'll be 
Of thousands, of girls & boys 
Women and men alike,
Respected by us 
His posts blow's our minds, mesmerising us 
Know not how he does, 
Keeping us interested morning noon & night
In his various subjects, it's a wonder, how he does 
His imagination knows no bounds 
it's a manna for our eyes our minds 
Keeping us interested our minds alive 
A smile in our eyes, laughter in our bellies 
With a good morn cup of coffee 
Never mind about the cake, 
But there'll always be a little sweetness by the way 
Along, side or not... The coffee. 
And at the end of the day a glass of vino to finish the day 
Or that aromatic bubble bath, by candlelight 
Bubbles right up to our eyes 
Or a beautiful table set two with champers to chin, chin our way 
As we gaze into their eyes 
Saying I love you by the way... 
Uli! The younger Apollo his mesmerising eyes 
To King Canute, riding the ocean waves high, 
Very easy to the eye
So very dapper, to our minds eyes 
Wonder what's it like to be an Adonis 
Says I, yet again or even many many of us
Won't you escape from your false imprisonment 
Oh, what, to do...
With love in our hearts
Cause we're missing you
Uli!! 

                        By Connie James 

Music In My Soul

Whilst preparing luncheon, I've had Mozart's company 

Every Sunday morning
The old boy goes swimming 
Whilst the little slave stays home
Cooking luncheon
Mark is in the garden, butchering the bay leaf tree
Don't know what's got into the boys,
Going manic with my trees
As soon as he leaves Mozart lands on the deck
Haven't heard from him for a long while ...
About time he came out!
As am preparing the chicken,
Mozart starts with Symphony No.29
So I cut chicken in half,
I can't bare to see a whole chicken before me
Bringing memories of home
Whilst mama executing poor chicken
Committing murder at dawn
The memory stayed ingrained on my mind
Seeing the said chicken hanging upside down...
Chicken I like not much; to prepare
Heaving goes I whilst preparing it...
So in half, I must cut so I don't puke
Whilst preparing,luncheon
He was playing so beautifully,
The most amazing sounds
Trouble's I can't just listen ,without conducting
Waving my knife like a baton,
No.35 came on didn't like that sound,
It was the funeral march, don't you know...
In my haste to stop that cacophony...
I dropped the bloody knife,
Oh bugger it nearly killed me
Limping I went to change the ruddy thing's a must
Symphony No 38 came in
Ahhh, that's much better, powerful music.
So chicken goes in oven ,with shallots and little potato's
I always put bay leaves, and garlic for the flavour
Symphony No. 39 comes, on the most wondrous sounds...
The whole Philharmonic orchestra right there in my kitchen...
Had quite forgotten, how beautiful the sound...
The veg I got on with carrots beans, sprouts,
Then I made a cheese sauce for cauliflower cheese too
Then symphony no.40 followed by No. 41
I started on the pudding, I made a tart tattin
No so sure of that spelling ...
But it matters not ,you get the gist of it
I made it with plums, and very nice they were too,
I made a caramel with grated orange cinnamon and star anise
Making a lovely liqueur to poach the plums in ...
Then serenade No.9 comes on
Oh my!! my whole brain fills
With the most, ecstatic sound you can imagine
And so I burned the pudding!
So what the hell I burned the caramel,
The plums too...
so I top it with ice cream and served it ...Yum...
Completely & utterly lost
With music in my soul!
 

                        By Connie James...

Just For a Moment...

Just For a Moment

In your eye's I see that look I know so well
Gazing the autumnal vision before your eyes
The impressive golds, reds, the rusts the purples
Magically before your eyes, a time of letting go...
Darling look at me!
What do you see, you're far, from me
I can see that far away look in your eyes  
That look that tells me
That maybe you need more than I can give
Or is it being whom I am
Expecting too much from you
Much more than your prepared to give.
My eyes are drinking the essence of you
Maybe I've become too much for you!
But in my minds mind, I see the whole of you
Caressing me! For all your worth
Your, eyes following me across the room,
Skipping a beat my heart as I look at you
But see I want you, what's on my mind.
My mind that at times runs away with me
Irresponsibly...
Wishing you'd take hold of me make love
Gazing at you across the street where I live
Just across the water not far away
I can see you clearly in my minds mind
Through the window pane
Even though those gossamer nets of my mind
Impede can not me from visualising
The light in your eyes!
Ahh, Darling
Can you see not me looking at you
The hunger in my eyes!
Needing you close so close to me,
Love me taking me for all your worth...
In the extremity's of my mind
There I can not go you see.
But I'd so love you to hold me!
I too can see the hunger in your eyes
Nothing matters!
Nothing matters at all, you see
Keeping your distance from me
Me that adores you caresses you touches you
With my minds mind!
In the darkness of my nights
I want you, need you to hold me tight
Telling me it's all right...
As I whisper on to you,
Please, darling, do look at me
What do you see
Do you see me as I see you
Or do you see me as this infernal thing
In your minds mind?
Misunderstanding me!
As I try touching your mind with mine
Differently, your eyes are telling me,
Wanting me as much as I do you
In the recesses of my mind
Am crying out for you
But that won't do!
That I do know:
Just once darling just once!!
Would it do!
Would it be enough!
I stand, gazing across from you
Lust, in my mind's, my blood
Or is it love!
I feel within me, I know not!
As we love in the fields of gold
Just like, any other being
Exaltation within me reaching a crescendo
Euphorically;
Paramount in my mind
Absolutely nothing...
Above us a blanket of golden stars
Scintillating in the darkest of skies
That shooting star's right across my firmament
As I whisper gazing into your eyes
My torment...
Knowing that in the recesses of my mind
Just for a moment....

                               By Connie James

 
 







   

Dunes Of My Mind

Dunes Of My Mind...

As I look at you, the light in your eyes
I stand stupified, why?...
What he sees in me, his stare curiously 
Deep as the deepest of oceans
Into deep cool waters immersing, myself  
Resist cannot, as he came to me 
The light in his eyes, in the darkness
Before dawn came in.
I stand mesmerised looking at he
Resist can not, to touch to feel
The touches in a way that he,
The ambivalence in me, I want not to end.
Closing my eyes imagining his touches 
irrevocably...
My minds, on fire burning wild
His incandescent touches 
Sending shivers through, my spine 
And I dance before him indolently...
Slowly, gazing at me lazily
Smile in his eyes looking at me, wondering!
Waves pounding hard by the shore 
Oceans wild, white waters spewing over me
In my imagination, 
I see the ocean swaying taking me
Inexorably...
Stretching before my eyes, the longest beach  
The golden sands blue skies, so blue as his eyes
I run through the dunes
Above me, there's nought but sky
The odd condor flying,
Riding, swaying the thermal winds
How I wish I could fly, rising my arms to the skies
Dancing swaying, indolently...
Then a butterfly in the vision of my eyes
Joynes me, and dances eloquently
Wild and wilder...
Metamorphosing before my eyes He!!
He, that I've created in my mind that elusive, creature
That I've moulded with my hands
In a moment of madness!
His eyes his nose the, curve of his mouth
A little curviness when he smiled...
His hair dishevelled curling about his eyes
His body standing high, his stance
Just as I've created him.
His arms reaching to me
Just as I taught him.
His legs slightly apart, in his stance...
His arms akimbo looking into the distance
His head erected, proudly standing his ground...
Oh, my!!!
In the dunes of my mind, I've created perfection!
His red hair curling just a little on his shoulders
Whispering I cried out what, have I done with the boy!!
I've created, his likeness not beautiful!
Not like his heart, he knows how to feel
His eyes softly smiling into mine...
As I kiss his eyes his mouth
The rest left it up to him...
His imagination knew no bounds
Rising my senses high
Like that condor soaring
Floating swaying on those, thermal
Winds of life...

By Connie James

My Words Are Me!

Like an Acorn evolving in the extremity's of my mind
Waiting to take root take hold my words & I!
My thoughts, what I feel what I want from what I do
Developing from a tiny seed into a sapling
It's, branches reaching out the depths of  my mind
Waiting to evoke a passion not so sublime
In the recesses of my mind reaching out o me
Into a tree developing that tiny acorn will be
In my mind interconnecting my thoughts into words
All jumbled up like a fog in my mind
Sorting them out such a hard time
For my words be troublesome most of the time
To hear my words they appreciate not
My words my thoughts
From the extremities of my mind
Once it's taken root not easy to define my words
In the extremities, my words capricious are not
They exude from the depths of me
Waiting to explode from the innards of me  
Within me, my words are true, as can be
Reason I have not to speak words not truthfully 
They are not me
But the truth one must speak not
So I've been told grow up!
You're not a child they tell me inexorably
Why upset the apple cart must I
Why must I fight with my mind
To speak the truth not that's not me
A pain in the ass I must be!
Refusing not to embroider my words carefully
F..k them says me am tired of those curtailing me
Words, but my words are me!
All my life I've been told don't say this that or the other
Just don't say anything
But as am an adult now I'll say what the hell I please
Why has He given me a brain
If am not allowed to use it,
Otherwise, a brain he'd not given me
Why can't I cast my words my thoughts
Talking to the wall must I be
Why can't I cast my words to the winds
Carrying me far and wide
My thoughts and me!
Extolling from the depths of me
My thought's always with me
Why must I not express what I feel what I think
Residing within me
In the recesses of my mind
Anguish residing within me
How does one control one's thoughts
Learnt I've never you see
Why must I not extol when in the depths of me
That acorn growing uncontrollably
Reaching far and wide as far I can see!
But my words are just me!
Taking me expanding my arms you see,
Far and wide taking hold of me
But my words I must extol not
It seems it's not seemingly
Must not let others hear when he's near to me
My mind my thoughts are of he
From that little acorn such a trouble to me
Cause my words I must extol not to all & sundry
But I want to shout out from the top of my world
From that mountain high
In the western wind's caressing, me, by
My words must carry me
Into the hills the valleys, the savannahs wide
Beyond the stars my universe and I  

    By Connie James...














       

Hello, World!

Hello, World!
Here we go again Connie's about!
Give her a wide birth I hear you say
It's the story of my life everything I say.
Is misconstrued in some way!
But if what I say, upsets anyone it's not meant that way
Oh lord, am tired of curtailing what goes through my mind
Just in case I offend this or that family member in, anyway
Somewhat's must be wrong with me
If every time, I open my mouth my mind, you see,
I've upset some member of my family,
With a comment, I've though naught, about
That'll teach me!
O! Imbecility please free me from my mind,
My mind that at times, logically thinks not
For indeed an imbecile, I must be
If curtail I can not my thoughts
My thoughts taking hold of me, my mind my very being.
Obscuring the light
That in darkness I must be all the days of my life!!!
Those that share my life or not
With love or dislike...
Even those that hate my guts
For being me!
But being me is all I can be, I know not any other way
If those in my life understand me not in any way!
An imbecile I must be!
Can imbecility running through me 
Cause pain in one's heart tearing it apart
When one sees shunning, starting a war in my heart
Fighting every day of my life drowning the sorrow within me!
It's an impossibility unless I quit from feeling with my heart.
But my heart quit can not it know's not how to quit.
A masochist I must be if I carry all this within me
This pain, this asphyxiation of my breath.
Waterfalls flowing from my eyes control I can not
Extreme pain within me...
But used to this I must be that's a possibility of my being,
Causing panic amongst the pigeons.
Divorcing I must be those that are blood of my blood
If, ever am to have peace of mind
Peace amongst us earthlings...

                     By Connie James.

Love's A Funny Thing

Love's a funny thing
So true!
But at times love's not enough it won't do
But lessons we must learn
To love those that love's us not
Not easy I'll say
Cause, when one love's one love's with all one's heart
The very core of one's being
It's so hard when one love's & reciprocated it's not
Be it a lover's love or siblings love
But one love's all in the same way
With an intensity, that hurt's, & they care not for you anyway.
And your heart bleeding shredded in tatters
You utter screaming how dare they!
Making me, bleed this way
You're breaking up as they dispose of your love!
Luckily for love I've had to fight not in any way
But I was so green in my day
But a sibling's love I must say, all the way
All I needed was one love not greedy anyway
But loves a funny thing
When you think you need much more than you need
Your mind playing funny tricks
When one wished one's experienced different love's
Different things, in one's life
Whether you've missed something or not, you'll never know
Abhorrently fighting with one's mind
When you think you need more than you need
Like an obsessive obsession residing within one's mind
But when love's gone wrong
You sit bleeding your mind's not your own  
Fighting your minds mind at most times!
Just let it be...Let it be
But when an obsession get's hold of you must follow through
Into the recesses of your mind
Whether it be logical or not, one's minds care's not
Looking into his eyes & smile for all you're worth
With the light of love in your eyes
Love's a funny thing
It makes you cry laugh & sing makes you dance at every chance.
But when love's killing you hurting tears flowing through
As if the world's deserting you
But a sibling's love dying, on you extreme pain you go through
They care not if they're hurting you
Even when you've loved with all you had in you
I guess you're not worthy of their love
Must it be true!

                       By Connie James

To Begin The Biginning

To begin the beginning

The door opened at first light as he walked in.
Had to brace, myself from the morning cool breeze.
Ahh!! I closed my eyes, as I inhaled the scent of him
Couldn't believe he was standing there before me...
Looking so magnificent so knowing so dangerous
We stood facing one another, for what seemed an eternity
I stood there with a shy smile on my face uncertain of what to do,
So I just followed his lead!
Finally, I held my hand to touch the contours of that
Much desired face, to touch to feel to want!
He just stood there,daring me doing absolutely naught
Letting me explore.
So with uncertain hands, I explored every inch of he...
Was mesmerized by this man godlike,standing before me...
With this mesmerizing look, in his eyes...
Hypnotizing me!!
I felt myself awakening,as from a deep sleep
Wanting to touch ,wanting what I knew not
But he knew how to play me, like a harp so sweet
The waves of sensation that was driving through, me
I prayed o lord, please let it not stop...
Yet I held back, for I knew if I didn't
I'd be forever lost forever lost...
This awakening has left me feeling weak
Forever in my mind recalling the feeling
Recollecting, wanting to repeat exploding through my brain
The sensations he put me through, help can not
Leaving me wanting of what I wasn't sure,
There must be more, much more!
To repeat the experience, terrified me, for I knew
I wouldn't hold back Innocent was I,
I had this wanting in me
Wanting to feel the sensations,
Abandoned in the regions of my mind
Holding me back, left me wanting much more
Through the process never going, as if punishing me
Why won't you go away, you're just tormenting me!
Yet again he held me, sensing my uncertainty
With a knowing look in his eyes smilingly said he
just looking out for you, my love
Worry not, It'll keep, it'll keep...

By Connie James

Let It Be

Love's a funny thing
So true...
But at times love alone is not enough!
But lessons, must be learned to love those that loves us not !!??
Not easy I'll say...
Cause when I love, I love with all my heart,
The very core of me!
It's so hard when one loves, & reciprocated it's not....
Be it lovers love or siblings love!
But I love all the same way with an intensity that hurts, 
When they care for you not anyway! 
& your heart bleeding shredded & in tatters 
You utter screaming out, how dare they! Making me bleed this way!
Can't they see you're breaking up when they dispose of your love! 
Luckily I've had to fight not for a lovers love, 
I was so green in my day, all I needed was one love, not greedy anyway...
But love's a funny thing when you think you need much more than you need! 
Playing funny tricks your mind 
When you wished you'd experience different things in your life. 
Misguidedly thinking you've missed something 
The difference you'll never know no, way!  
Fighting with your mind when you think you need more than you need! 
Like an obsessive obsession, growing wild in one's mind...
But when loves, goes wrong, sit bleeding your minds not your own...
All of the time fighting one's mind  
Let it be! 
But when an obsession gets hold of you must follow through, 
Deeply into the recesses the extremities of one's mind...
Whether be it logical or not one's minds care's not...
But look into his eyes, & smile for all your worth, 
With the love light in your eyes...
Love's a funny thing! 
When you sit hurting tears flowing from one's eyes...
But especially, painful is a sibling's loves dying, 
Carrying not whether they're hurting you or not 
Even when you love them with all your heart...
I guess your not worthy of their love!

                    By Connie James

Asking Why!

Yah! Wrinkled,

But he still has his hair !
There's sadness in his eyes must be a hundred plus...
Must have had many a dream, in his life
Must have seen wondrous beautiful things before his very eyes ...
Must also, have seen awful dreadful times in the passage of his life...
He must have loved & being loved in return
With a passion possible, he thought not
His eyes must have cried many a time
Fighting for his little corner of his world,
With a tenacity steadfast in his mind
He also must have laughed sang and danced at every chance,
The love light dancing in his eyes...
For when one's young and foolish one cares not at any time
Whether one should laugh sing and dance, one just does
When music's playing in our minds our heart's lifting our spirits high
The wondrous sight's he must have seen,
Travelling, through life's many a dream, he must have had...
The lines upon his visage like a map,
Deeply rutted with the passage of time
Like chariots running over time leaving indentations
In the streets passing through the recesses of his mind
Giving up not but foraging through life as one does...
Each line tells a story, of pain or glory in his mind's mind.
Hopefully, a life well lived at most times...
It hurts to gaze upon such a visage
Bringing tears to my eyes
Cause I see terrible sadness in his mind his eyes
At times within me, I feel such sadness as he
As I see the emptiness the look in his eyes
Knowing not, how one looks when there's sadness in our eyes
Combative my mind becomes fighting for all am worth
Bet, he felt such as me fighting all and sundry in his minds mind
Wonder if has his kin to relieve his troubled mind
Taking away the sadness from his eyes
Deeply ingrained in the recesses, of his mind...
Maybe, a lost soul wondering where his folks gone
Leaving him all alone as he wanders the streets of his mind
Empty just like his heart his soul!
As he wanders from street to street highways and byways
Hope extinguishing from his mind he's heart
Catch with his folk he can not, matters not how hard he try's
The roads starring at him are as empty as his heart
And his mind cries, in the extremities of his mind he cries!
Bittersweet tears flowing from the regions of his mind
Constricting the very breath from he
As he looks upon his skies & asks why
Why am all alone without a hope in the world
Of finding those he loved,
Whilst I slept abandoning me!
Or was he such a scoundrel
To be left all alone in his word
Asking Why?

By Connie James

Far, Far Away

In the darkness,
The greyness I so abhor staring at me, 
That ache right inside of me
As if my heart is tightening the very life from me! 
Sitting here 
You're on my mind always on my mind
But you my darling are so far away from me
I cannot bear looking into your eyes so blue
Gazing into your face mesmerising-ly
In my mind's eyes, I see you
An illusion, it's true
For I know in my heart
That you're there if only on my mind!
But darling wishing it were true
Wishing you were thinking of me
Loving me slowly unhurriedly
In the darkness of my nights
My lonely nights
Wishing you'd, kissed me
Darling kiss me!
There are tears falling from my skies
My skies so dark, in the night of my night's
Endure can not the ambivalence in me wanting me!
Far, far away,
Yet my mind cries out kiss me darling kiss me,
Won't you...Kiss me!
Love to see your blue, eyes discerningly
Smiling making love to me!
But my darling why do you keep away from me!
Yet I feel you, wanting me!
Feeling your eyes caressing me
I can hear your voice that slight twang you see
Ringing in my ears like a symphony
Listening to your voice sending shivers through me...
That intonation I so love to hear
When you whisper closer to my ear
Step by step, sending me into a frenzy...
In the darkness of my mind euphorically,
In the darkness of my nights
My heart cries out for thee
But darling you're so far away from me
Obsessively, in my obsessive obsession of me
But my mind refuses to see
The desolation, the emptiness cruising, through me!
In my ambiguity, I see not the uncertainty in your eyes
That far away look killing me.
Taking the very life from me!
The moon full, in her bloom above me 
Her light shining upon thee
Stars Scintillating in my darkest of skies
Like a blanket
Recalling a memory of that night
We lay beneath that velvety dark sky
Wishing on that shooting star falling, across my sky's
My world my universe, you are my world
Ambiguity inherently in me
The ambivalence of my being
The irresponsibility!
So full of love my eyes the wanting in me
Across the ocean, I see darkness ominously
The swell, undulating angrily
Booming  upon the shore unforgivably,
The far side I can reach not thee
My world my world's crumbling on me...
And am praying, praying for you
To come to me!

                        By Connie James.