The Reason I Survive...

From the very first light with the rising of the sun
With the brightness of dawn, to the going down of the sun
He's the reason I survive, from morning till night
And then from night till dawn again
Enduring between us the silences, I can not
Our thoughts far and wide
Gazing at him at first light of the night
His face handsomely his features, relaxed
As he sleeps the sleep of the innocent, sleeping now.
His hair tussled, curling on his forehead
Brushing aside from his eyes, was I.
His lips, his eyes deep like oceans
Asking myself why!!!
Who's He?
Who's this man taking my peace of mind my reason
My sanity...
The only reason I survive hour to hour day to day
The turbulence within me
After, all he's just a man
That I've dreamed most nights, my mind so full of he
Taking my reasoning taking my mind.
Thinking not most times incapable or not,
In one's mind euphorically
It's him I desire most times obsessively
The illusionary illusion, carrying within me
The fascination within as I write again and again
Fascinatingly or not the elusive illusion inherently in me
As I look into his eyes and see darkness within He
Perpetually by the light of the half-lit moon
Strangely familiarly gazing at me...
Me, trying to extricate, myself from this prison
That am in, in my mind, between the light and the darkness
The brightness ambiguously, lightness within
The silence ominously waiting for me
In the lightness of dawn covered in a gossamer, like fog
Mistiness in my mind my mind that otherwise can not be understood
The mystical light across my firmament as if dreams amongst the night
My mind mesmerised by he,  wishing understanding not
That the only thought, first and foremost
He came to mind ambiguously.
The only reason that I survive, my mind irretrievably
Can not extricate, myself from thinking about He.        


                       By Connie James...

They Have Not...

 They Have Not.

May I whisper sweet nothings
In the middle of your night
When sleep you can not
When there's no one in sight
I'd whisper in the morning
And I'd whisper in the night
I'd whisper softly in your ear
When sleep eludes you in the night
I'd whisper my, darling close your eyes sleep tight
Whilst am holding you in my arms
Making everything alright
I'll deposit a kiss on your forehead
& your name I'll whisper softly
Whilst holding you tightly in my arms
Not that tight just enough that'll you'll know
That am holding you for dear life
A life that's unfairly treated you
By those, that gave you, life
In ambiguity, now you live from day to day
Whether it rain shines or not
Every day of your days
In your heart
Immeasurable the pain must be
When those, that should have loved you, have not
Shunning their offspring ashamed they should be
That in every day of his days
Ambiguously trying showing that you're ok
But the scorn that you know so well
Pouring from every orifice, every day of your days
Leaving you mentally scared
A wreck psychologically
In their minds turbulence reigns
Every day of their days
Wondering,
If today, they'd love you come whatever may
Unconditional love should be, it matters not what they say
Those that are there, to protect us every day of our days
Preconditional love exists not...to a child's mind...
One just loves with our minds our hearts our very souls...
Why must some of us, tempt when they know they should not
To Create that sibling when love lives not in their hearts
Their selfishness paramount...it's not a game they say
Caring not for the blood of their blood
Anxiety dispersing from their anguished minds
Withholding their love
The title to parenthood rights they do not
Indeed, no they have not!

By Connie James




 

A Mind That Minds...

May the breeze whisper over you
Make your heart sing when the days through
May it make you smile when your feeling sad
When your throat constricting when you're in pain
And may the moon come to you restore you
Shining, light through to the recesses of your mind
Restoring your mind with a strength impossible you though
Letting the illusion disperse not from the sight of your eyes
From the days the beautiful days of your days
When lives meant such a lot in the days of our days
And may you walk gently through the days of your life
Letting the sunshine,
Upon you warm, you embrace you
For all your worth making you smile, day upon day.
A life that can bear not, when you see not within us
That love was inherently obsessively...
Forget not the elusive illusion that love lived within us
And may you gently walk the streets in the recesses of your mind
A mind that minds
Whether there ever was love or not
In one's heart...

                               By Connie James ...

His Face

                His Face...

Ahh, Harry...You want no other!
This is HARRY'S face
The only one that he has, says he!
It's a great face full of strength
As they gaze into his eyes
But that face of HARRY'S
That has launched a thousand ships
The odd pirate boat or two
Going from ocean to ocean
Land to land expertly with roving eyes
Each place he lands far and wide
Looking around with pride
At his beauty's by his side...
Looking into his eyes smiling caressing his!
With pride in their eyes
That here stands HARRY.
With the only face that he has
Casting his eye over those beauty's
That once gave him such a thrill
As they gazed into his eyes
The pirate boy the long red hair
And the bluest of blue eyes
Like a Viking in the days of old
Rampaging through foreign lands
Like a storm with, gust in his eyes...
That smile in his eyes
Chasing him tirelessly over the bay
HARRY'S Birds their little flocks
With his red hair and the bluest eyes

         By Connie James...

Our Mother Earth...

This is more of an essay...
An epic kind of my minds turning...
Your welcome to read it...If you care to
            (((((((((((Our Mother Earth))))))))))))

The heartbeat of our world it's breath raspingly
As we count our heart beats one two and three
Like a bellow's pumping oxygen into our world
Gently puffing as she breathes deeply so alive is she!
Our Mother Earth
She's home can you see not, her voice intoningly for all to hear
As she sings imploringly,
The vibrations carrying far and wide
From the mountain highs the savannahs the valley's down below
It's intonation rising beyond the sky's high above you and me!
Where condors sway on the thermal winds
Above our firmament, swaying floating dancing in the breeze
The complexity of she understands one can not
As she goes from A-to-B
Upon her shoulders carrying her lot so strong is she.
Ambiguity can not desert distract her world
That once upon the time could forget not, the complexity of she...
The diversity of she is there for all to see as she watches you and me
If only you open your eyes and see
It's awesome panorama surrounding thee
It's beauty by far you have seen not, can not see
From the savannahs wild so wild going about their world
There goes those beasts about their world, ambiguity not on their minds.
For they think, not greediness not on their minds.
They just take what they need, there's no greed
Enrichment is not on their minds.
The rain forests, their density that once was a sight to see
A diversity of colours green! you'll ever see
In the time of autumn the richest colours you'll ever see
Before your eyes
The profoundness of colours defunct, cascading floating gently
From their canopy of colours,
The reds the rusts the bronzes intermingling with the golds
Right there before your eyes the richest carpet, you'll ever see
Under their canopy nakedly they'll be
So proudly displaying before our eyes
The greatness of their beauty, falling at their feet.
Waterfalls exuding from her being like tears in anguish.
The densest cloud gossamer-like the density is such
Impeding our eyes from visualising the intensity
Tears flowing from her eyes as if in pain within
Her diversity is such in a blink of an eye
Gone before you realise what she's all about
Nature abounds everywhere
Before your very eyes so attuned one becomes
Crowding our sky's those birds going by across our firmament...
The elegance of those Swans the Flamingos the Condors flying high!!
And all those in between, all the little birds of our world!
O why can I not be a bird flying high
In the extremities of my sky's
Riding those thermal winds, why can not I!!
In my imagination there goes I
Swaying floating through those eternal winds of life
Goes I so attuned was I,
Swaying dancing in those winds of life never wanting to end
Beneath our oceans our sea's life's beautiful
Like those whales holding hands as if dancing the Danube
So attuned were they
A kaleidoscope beneath our oceans
A diversity of colours, one sees one's mind overflowing, in intensity
Whilst above our sky's beyond our, universe our stars...
A better sight you'll see not as far as I can see
It's the rising of the sun unfurling before me
Like an entity casting its eyes upon me bright like a diamond
In its immensity like rivers of gold, viscus tumbling into the sea
A new day a new life a new meaning new hope
A new beginning for you for me
But our mother earth's hurting, the greediness of our world
Grasping wanting everything destroying, life's nature...
This need of wanting more than we need
Destroying our forests
Whether or not theirs a need
Their cull'ing our wild life's with their greed
Our medicine there not, medicine comes not into it!
They're just living breathing hearts beating  just like you and me
Were we in their position, hunting us down
Killing us slowly extracting our bones crushing down
For that elusive magic potion, that kick, that elusive kick up the pants
That aphrodisiac or so they believe
Why can't they just live and let live!!
And their coats our clothes their not to guard us, from the cold.
Their cutting cull'ing raping our world in every way, you can see
They're ripping burning our forests leaving desolation behind
Scarred flagellated screaming out hurting dying for their greed
Poisoning our world chemically, the animals they breathe forcefully
Stuffing our faces greedily such a sight ghastly to see!
As if a tomorrow, there wouldn't be!
Our forests are plundered of its life you see
Killing everything in sight the animals the trees a scarred land.
That once the home of many, from the animals
To it's indigenous peoples to the rain forests you see
A scarred land our world, now extinct for the greediness
Of this animal so called,  these intelligent human beings!
They are killing our world!
In desolation, they'll rule our world, such sights
These accursed human being eating our way it hurts to say!
Eating our way into the extinction of our world
Our rain forests now nakedly with the destruction
From those greedy cooperates
Leaving nought but destruction, desolation wherever they roamed...
Our seas our lands of ice are melting down
Our world crying tears of blood
Whether there's time enough or not,
To turn things around...
God only knows!
  
                                     By Connie James...    




    





     

It's an illusion...

It's an illusion

Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears flowing from my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Falling from the deepness of my heart
My heart perturbed in pain,
And everything else in between.
My life my love he desires not
Even in friendship...
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
My thoughts were his from morn till night
And every second in between...
The tribulation in my mind's enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within, me minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late,  to want to hold he against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread  my life! is it worth it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me! wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the corners of my mind desolation lives...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the deepness of my mind my soul
My soul that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering.
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
My mind in ambiguity, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me, disguising not the emptiness within
But in the deepness of my mind
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms achingly for the touch
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse, from me
His mind's not, can not hold me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can take not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind
It's an illusion.

            By Connie James...

The Only Face...

The Only Face

That face has launched a thousand ships
A thousand ships or two
It's a good face, it's there for, anyone to see
It's a face ingrained on my mind
It's the only face that I see.
Between you and me! the only face he has
A better, face he could have not as far I can see
It's launched thousands of ships
Sailing across the seas
I being one of those maidens
Has stayed in my memory
That face full of strength,
Planting, those seeds on my mind.
As he goes roaming across the miles!
Fathoms, deep skimming across the seas.
Distant lands hollering
Oi there me beauty's me, dearies
His long boat, like the Vikings of old
Those maidens so in love or lust, with he
As they saw his ship arrive around the headland
Running, to the shore dishevelled hair
As their god landed in paradise...
Once more like never before
As they carried he shoulder high
Ambiguity not anywhere
As they hollered yet again
Carrying their man with the long red hair
His eyes blue, so blue gazing as far as he could see
This paradise land,
Whispering winds beyond those trees
Swaying in the breeze,
The mountains high above
The lagoons, the waters blue, so blue
Those waterfalls,
Like a gossamer curtain shimmering in the sun.
In the noonday, before the madness began ...
Scanning his eyes as far and wide, over
His domain
Was a land spoiled not by man
A land a paradise land
As he was carried shoulder high
Through his paradise his domain,
He ruled with fairness and love
Those maidens retained his heart
As they proudly stood by
With mischievousness in they're eyes
As they gazed into his face, the only face
A face brimming with love
For his beauty's across the far horizon
The deepest fathoms across the miles
A face that launched ten thousand ships.
But, in their minds those long boats
Those pirates that he ruled with iron fists
Recognised was he, as hollering he arrived
Beating a drum or two like the Vikings of old
Rampaging through...
But that face the only face retained by those
In far distant lands, remembering
He that face, that ruled they're world.
With fairness & love
As they carried him shoulder high
Their god, the long red hair
And the bluest of blue eyes.

  By Connie James...

Like A Banshee...

     

           Like A Banshee...

Hollering like a Banshee was she
She that in her mind could see not, He
He, that was taking her sanity,
Whenever she thought of he
In her ambiguity, she cried for he
Peace of mind she had not, not she.
But her mind's so full of he
He, that's woken her from her ambiguity
Feelings spilling out, whenever
Whenever she thought of he.
She can see he when his lights shine through
Wondering, thinking if he's thinking of she
In her mind, she calls out his name
But he can hear not, or does not care for she
Restless she becomes when he answers not she.
Sleep she can not her mind perpetually
Going over and over he.
Obsessively she calls his name time & time again
But hear her he can not, seeing not she...
But in her mind she can see he watching over her
His eyes the colour of my skies
The immensity, the intensity of he...
His eyes she can see going over she
Like a balm, he can be
Calming her mind her curious mind,
Wondering perpetually if he will
Will he come and see she!
In her ambivalence inherently in she
Hollering, she can not can, not let he escape
Escape from the corners of her mind
Her mind so full of he!
Disperse from her mind he must not...
In all ambiguity
Let there be light when she thinks of, he
For in darkness, she can not be
Let darkness disperse upon her mind
Letting lightness sip through
For in silhouette, he must be not, can not be
For when the day's through
And am still thinking about you ...
On the downing, of the sun
Hollering she must not be!
Like a banshee!
Staring towards his skies,
Wherever he may be in ambiguity
Let the light disperse not from her eyes
Her eyes, mind her imaginings
At the going down of the sun
Whispering can she be looking into his eyes
Seeing him in the mind of her eyes
Intoxicatingly
Stars in her eyes when it comes down to he!
In the darkness of her firmament
Letting lightness sip through just enough
To see you.
In the eyes of my mind
Was he.
     
 By Connie James