Not A Boy But A Man

Of course, he could!!
As he sees the boy in the mirrored glass...
Metamorphosing into a man...
It was enough to see him laugh, laugh like a man...
He could contain himself not, at the picture that he made, 
Glancing into his mirrored glass,
He saw not a boy but a man...
And in the darkness of the night a woman silently yet again, looking 
Metamorphosing before his eyes in the darkness of the night,
Into the light once again...
A woman she became...
Looking into his eyes seeing his face turn, whispering to himself...
A tear spilling from his eyes, as the night came!!
Watching her with lovelorn eyes...
He could trace her face, not in the mirror of his eyes...
The pain the loneliness within...
Covered in her mask he could disguise not...
See the moonlight, in light of her eyes,
That otherwise the woman she'd become...
Before the night came...
Recognising you...
Uttering words of love, yet again...
The boy that glanced into his mirrored glass,
Only to become a man...

Connie James...

A Higher Plateau...

A Higher Plateau...

It's rather invigorating...Yes.
One feels light of mind,
Leaving one's high in spirit, standing on top of the world, 
Casting one's eyes all around you...
Leaving you spellbound by its magnificence,
It's as if God cast a spell in your little world...
A world struggling to survive the beastliness of those surrounding you,
Falsity in their masks as their facing you!!!
Wringing our hearts until the last drop of blood sips, through...
They need not one, but what you can do...
Their miserable lives, so false towards you...
That's why we need those Purbecks of Dorset...
Lifting one's spirits a hundred fold it's true!!
As one stands on top of the world,
The mesmerising view...
That at times one has no words it's true...
One's heart's filling with emotion...a tear spilling or two,
One just can help not, as those tears spill through...
The emotion one feels as we cast our eyes to the horizon far...
The swaying grasses in the breeze like a golden ocean
As the wind blow's through, swaying to and fro...
The up and down hills one has to go through,
Leaving one tired out, exhaustion spilling out of you
One's limbs crying out with the exertion one puts through,
Pulling you !!.
One more step breathing through gaspingly...
One more breath deeply, catching wit the rest of you.
Reaching the top of your world, collapsing on one's knees,
One's heart's beating excessively...
Taking a moment or two, one's heartbeat...
Slowing down of one's heartbeat,
The endorphins in one's mind, lifting you...
Like ecstasy in one's mind,
Lifting you, your mind your spirit...
To a higher plateau...

By Connie James...

Bright Like A diamond...

BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND

The sun shining through my window it's a calling to me
Bright so bright like a diamond, I can hardly see.
Trying so hard lifting that gossamer from my eyes
Impeding the vision from my mind at times no so easy.
That golden eye so bright in my sky's...Lightness within.
Now, deeming somewhat hiding from me,
Like a game of cat and mouse.
Now you see me then you don't.
Hiding behind that cloud, or rather that cloud hiding you
Obliterating from the sight of my eyes
Those rays that are calling to me!
But my head won't let me up
As if drunk I was my room spinning on me
Those rays smiling at me
Yet the sun's peeping in on me!
Winking now and then, calling a calling to me
But my legs won't hold me up such a Bain you see!
As I try moving my room spins on me!
What can it be?
But get up I must, crawling if I must be
But the effort is such leaving me so weak.
As I sit on my bed, the sun's talking to me...
Getting up you must be!
Hello, Mr sunshine!! won't you help me!
From the way am feeling today
Emptiness, within me...
So nice you came peeping through my window greeting me!
But my ass I can not move from my bed you see!
Is this what's coming to me!
This emptiness within me!
Wait!!
Wait for me Mr sunshine I am trying don't you see.
To lift my head from the pillow, without draining me
It's as if am at sea!
Bobbing on the waves nauseously.
Lying down best, option for me, until this feeling leaves me!
Looking out of my window, it's a beautiful day I see
Some lovely clouds white,
Rippling like white horses on the sea...
The sun's not waiting for me!!
It's moving away from me.
Such an effort holding this pen! weakness, that I feel in me.
It's like an ache in my being, not pain you see...
But off course you do not see!!
But get up I must make an effort within me...
Mr sunshine's still peeping at me,
Calling a calling to me...
Get Your butt from that bed
Come and dance with me...
Am here calling, calling you see !!
Thank's Mr sunshine I'll try truly I will...
If that gossamer lifts from my eyes
Impeding, not the vision from within...
Worshiping once again your scintillating ray's,
Dancing indolently in the breeze...
My arm's rising up to the sky's undulating as you go by
Worshiping that golden ball, it's ray's like a crown
Mesmerisingly,
High up, in my firmament...

                           By Connie James...












   

Through Paradise..

This Is rather an epic one...Just got carried away!! 

Through paradise didn't do me any good.
This morn my balance my senses, making me feel rather unstable
Can  not move about much, the room spinning on me
Can not eat, making me feel sick.
My body feels weary, achingly, my head belongs not to me
As I lie here trying to write, what I feel at this precise moment...
I know not, leaving me feeling meh!
With no strength in my bones...
Perhaps this virus is back...
Or could it be this palsy thing taking a hold of me!!
Taking the strength from me...
Yet yesterday I walked through the Jurassic coast
Far from the maddening crowds, the Purbecks of Dorset...
Such a beautiful day, as I crossed Lulworth Beach with the boats in the bay, 
Focusing my camera, with the vision before my eyes
Snapping a frame or two..then carrying on walking by.
With the help of my trekking poles, I climb that steep hill.
Stopping now and then, taking another snap or two!!
Getting to the top, my heart's in my mouth, as I take a deep breath.
As we carry on, at the top most of the world.
I stop and stare and before me the golden grasslands,
Dancing in the breeze...Undulating here and there
Like hands going through one's hair...
Like an ocean on land, dancing in the breeze indolently
As I stand there the vision before my eyes
It's a land unspoiled, as you look into the horizon far
It's beauty paramount with no other.
As we look into the distance of the Purbecks of Dorset
Such a special light around me, looking  into the distance far
The birds flying on the thermal winds,
Undulating floating swaying diving suddenly...the gulls screeching.
Reaching Mupe Bay...
Scanning over the bay, my eyes
Such a mesmerizing light filling the sight of my eyes
It's beauty unparallel...As we descend bellow to the beach  
There wasn't a soul in the world...not a boat to be seen

The long grasses blowing in the breeze as I passed through...
The feeling came to mind, that indeed I was in paradise.
Like the first man first woman, discovering a little cove
The sun was hot the breeze was cool,
Removed all clothing from my body
Just leaving something to cover my modesty.
As the boy goes swing, I lie down taking the sun
It felt so good, a warm sun-kissed breeze whispering over me....
Closing my eyes I feel...two blue eyes staring at me
That camera lens focusing on me...
Nothing seems to change.
Wading through those blue, blue waters just to cool me
Feeling like Eve in paradise with no one in sight,
In my topless body.
Walked as far I could go to the far end of the beach
Then back again wading through the sea,
Now and again a wave came to greet me...
Shrieking I cried as it knocked me, off my feet!!
The Sea was calm as a pool, casting my eyes,
Across the horizon far, not a ripple to be seen
The boy takes a final swim.
As I wade through to cool my frame....
Across the ocean the colour blue so blue.
Not a turquoise nor an aquamarine
But the deepest blue, like his eyes you've ever seen...
Was sorry, or not ready to leave that little paradise...
But all good things comes to an end...and so home we must go...
Climbing those steps up to heaven,
Steep so steeply...
Each giant step was an effort, if not for the help of my trekking sticks.
Finding myself on top of the world, once again I scan the view...
My heart in my mouth...Half-way through taking a breath or two...
Looking back that light, at that mesmerizing light
Set still before my eyes,
A light seen hardly ever emphasising the cliffs, the hills, the sea.
Right from the top of my world,
That mountain I had to climb, then descending
Yet again to the sea, it was a moment in time...
My feet trying hard to obey my mind
Between the Purbeck Coast of Dorset
And home...one more time...
I guess I've over done things just a little...
As my head's swimming, I can't move my feet
The room's spinning.
A touch of vertigo I think...But Why do I feel so, s..t-less
I ask you!!
I hope it's not that bloody palsy thing !!!
Indeed, I do! 

                                  By Connie James

• 
  

Monsieur Le Docteur...

Well, Monsieur le Docteur
I would have thought you'd leave my wall by know
Nothing exciting ever happens around here, no way.
So Monsieur le Docteur leave my wall won't you...
Am sorry I hit that button, bothering you...
Am sure you've better things to do.
You know!!! 
You seem to be a popular lad aren't you...
On my timeline, everyone's seems to be your mutual friend
Such a busy lad  !!!
Apart from your doctoring, what else do you do...
Or are you just too busy chasing the birds every which way you turn..
I know that even Doc's needs a little fun.
To make life's bearable after a busy day on the wards 
Tending to those that at times need's a kind word a smile 
From that young Doc that at times, has had enough  
Of the sorrow's that at times fill's his eyes his mind his heart 
With sadness within...
As you see...am a crap, poet...
Monsieur le Docteur !!!
Good night hope, the bugs don't bite 
You'll be alright if you smile sing, your worries away!!
With that camera stuck to your eye...
Who knows what next you'll photograph!!
Could be that bird that caught your eye
As you passed by those long corridors
Of your busy world
Whistling a happy tune.
Voila Monsieur le Docteur!!!

By Connie James

Go On Living..

Good Morning My World

Sun shining lovely blue sky's...
Few white clouds about much more interesting...
Like not a cloudless sky's!
So long they're not grey and depressing

This morning the sun shining on me!! such a good feeling.
Embracingly, gathering those rays that make's life's worth living...
Reaching up to the sky's stretching up gathering as I see before my eyes.
An illusion always not...As I reach and touch.
Maybe that elusive illusion dispersing  from my mind.
My, mind that at times, sees no reason...
I care not for illusions, or what my mind's sees!! at times disturbingly.
I'd rather stand my ground fighting for what I believe.
In the world, a just world where one can live, in love harmony
Each and every being.. Stepping out in this world.
And everything else in between.
Where one can think feel and say what's in one's mind.
Without causing offence.
At most time's minds in turmoil never known any different.
A shrinking flower I've never been..never will be.
Saying what's in the forefront of my mind.
Exaggerating not my feelings.
What I feel exults from the deepness within my mind my soul, my heart.
A heart that knows not the meaning... of pretending.
I pretend not when extolling my love for those in my life.
Those that sees what's in my heart.
A heart that at time's constricting the breath from my life...
My life that at times, in ambiguity hardly seems obsessive
From my day to day's dealings
Whether this illusion dissipating from me, I can not see.
Looking up to my sky's the brilliance before my eyes
Ambiguously...
Understanding that love.
That there'll always be love in my heart
Whether they're worthy or care not for my love.
It remains to be seen.
But impede I'll let it not, what's behind that gossamer of my mind.
My mind perpetually at times looking for a reason.
To go on living!

By Connie James...

Dancing Girl

The Dancing Girl


By firelight, I was dancing wild so wild

Dance and danced losing myself

In the flames of life!  

As I dance skipped and danced 

As if a tomorrow wouldn't come.

My body undulating the sound of those drums
That beat my brain transcending euphorically into a trance
I in a frenzy that beat getting to me
Arms, thrown raising to the sky's,
Whilst jumping over the fire was I
Leaving me ecstatic.
Whilst those applauding me by,
Jumping high and higher was I
Those drums beating, like a drug manically.
My senses my mind irrevocably without defences
Knowing, not it's happenings...
In trance-like was I dancing, for my life
Indolently I danced and danced like never before
I spied his eyes on me, his interest in me
His hammer chipping away
As I smiled at he indolently, as he carved away,
On that rock, my face my body
Extracting my soul,
From that very stone
Manically dancing woman swaying,
For her tomorrow indolently...
In her ambiguity swaying to and fro
Whilst he tirelessly sculpted her form from stone
So in love by then was he with she!
Forever framed the dancing girl immortalised
In a Muriel lost from a time, that time's forgotten
The sculptor, the dancing girl in a trance, their romance
Ageless here she lies
She who danced erotically
Artistically in truth, his best sculpture of she!
Moulding her his very hands felt her every sinew...
Crafting with love.
Their immortality forever carved in stone
The story of the dancing girl
Her sculptor...In love.

By Connie James...

Poetry In My Soul..

Looking at you from across the seine
As I stood looking at you, your smile wonderful
Looking so young 
You have the youth of youthfulness each time I look at you
That's when poetry's walked in,   
As the bells of  Notre Dam peeling away 
In evening song...Loving that sound 
Walking across the river where you stood 
Feeling hungry within 
But my hunger's for knowledge 
Time's never enough to observe, soak everything I see 
In my soul hunger lives, hunger from within.
Wonder the lovely faces each and everywhere you see 
Worshiping in the distances in between
Faces new seeing him rejuvenating in love 
Between us, love so true
As if the sky's so blue descending to kiss you 
Refrain you must not do. 
As the leaves from the maple,
The chestnut trees trembling in the breeze 
Their scent...Sheltering from the winds.
Walking across the way 
at that house I stopped, that green door I knew so well
For am not stranger there.
My home of old the yellow windows the green door 
Like a fairyland where once love lived in a distant dream
On the boulevards along the way that little cafe 
I sat, by the way watching life go by 
Sitting all alone, on his cycle he came by 
Smilingly he whispered my name I could not refrain 
But to smile into his eyes mesmerised that here am I 
That here am I as time passes by 
Returning to where it begun
I write and write again it's not easy 
In that book shop magically, I lose myself 
Amongst those books you can scent the knowledge 
Those books of old getting lost 
Intermittently, lost in times time flys.
But the hunger still within 
By the window, I stop reflecting seeing the image of him 
In the reflection before my eyes 
Standing behind  me, flowers held high with a grin 
The breeze lifting his hair like a whisper 
His face adorable
In the shades of the night the starlight looking into his eyes 
As time goes by 
I can believe not, am home.   

                                             By Conni James...
   





       
   

Let The Illusion

Let the illusion disperse not
For am holding on to Thee
This insanity falling away from me
Oh lord set me free from those that care not for me
Forsaken me destroying me my sanity...
When my heart's so full of he
Peace of mind I have not, every time I think of, he
But he cares not, does not care for me!
In my mind, I call his name but he answers not me !!!
O, imbecility, what you do to me,
Taking the one so close to me!
Favouring her to me
In my dreams, I cry out his name,
Even though I can refrain not, from calling his name
This pain within me
Grasping at this insanity my whole being can not, must not,
Stopping arresting those tears from flowing freely,
Unbidden by me!
Dispersing from me, silently flowing down to the sea
Leaving me with emptiness
Like a vessel floating away from me!
O lord set me free
Free from those that make my life a misery
This illusion!
Let the illusion disperse not, why must he!
Transcending into this illusion of love, he's nowhere to see
When my mind's cry's out, what you've done with me
This ambiguity, when you look at me!
You see not me, looking right through me...
When am always there, right before Thee!!!

                                     By Connie James...

In Your Eyes

In your eyes..I can see its time to depart,
I can see that far away look that tells me it won't belong
And the truth is in your eyes..That I was born to lose you, 
My heart cry's at the thought of losing you.
Whether I gain or lose it's written in the stars,
That one day you'll walk from me..
Mustn't say that I love you, no way no how..
But I want to shout from the hilltops, from the mountain highs,
From across the river, that's so angry as you are.
But I'll say I love you, never no more !!
But that's that Nemesis in me, like the devil in disguise..
Or is it just the poet that can not abide..
The laughter within me the love..
I love you more than life, but there again I think you know,
That after winning you I must lose you.
It's like that obsessive obsession that I must lose you.
The pain I carry within is nothing less than infernal,
It's as if a poisoned dart has wounded my heart, killing me..
With the quest of a poet, that has tasted love real or otherwise,
From a lover now from that stranger, that I've become..
In your eyes, I can feel the fire, the fire within us, still
As our body's touches, the sparkling minds.
That's when you walk away,
Leaving me in the storming night the thunder bellow the mountain high
The waterfall nearby..
Your much more than my lover,
Your roots have grown in my heart,
So deeply embedded am the one that want's you,
Whether or not am a mystery known or unknown, this is only me.
The unknown woman that must walk away,
Through a different journey in, a different path.
For I am the woman that was born to lose you..
But I loved you like no other.
My lips can taste the scent of you.
My mind, my heart..
Je t'aime..
By Connie James

You fill up my senses

That wild night, the storm upon us
Intense lightning, flashing across my skies
Strobing, across my firmament.
I can not refrain from recollecting
Lying awake, that stormy night thinking of you
Reaching to you
But you weren't there were you!
That scented, room with those roses, of old
They were above most, roses I know
I prepared that room with, you in mind...
The sound of violins, from the street below
Whilst I recited a poem, of love...Just for you.
The proudness in your, stance the way you, stand there
The way you look, the roving, in your eyes
You mesmerise me...
In the darkness of my, nights
Searching your arms, enfolding me
Safe, within your arms
Filling, my senses such, moments
Quietly whispering, you fill up my senses
An understatement, you know...
My senses so full of you
Each time I see you, am smiling, in my heart
Unprecedented, my senses awol goes...
Thinking of you, gazing into my mirrored glass
Every way you move, am there with you... 
As you smile running, my fingers through your hair
Drying, my tears kissing my eyes
I realise, then and there, yes there's love between us.
Sitting writing thinking of you
I know not where you are
Or you're thinking of me
Just, composing some piece of poetry,
Would it be! Just for me!
About me!

                   By Connie James.