Pain!!

Liveth in my mind this ache,
My heart at times constricting
As if a Boa constrictor
Tightening constricting the breath from me
Excruciatingly.
I believe can not, how it can be
This pain within me my mind
Anguishedly,
Leaving me uncertain,
Whether it's true or not,
This, this ache living within me
It's not as if it's here or there
This pain exuding from me,
Contain I can not,
Dispersing not this pain from me
Me that knows not if to live or not
When my skies crushing down on me!
How many tears must there flow
From the depths of me
Like waterfalls drowning me.
I can not extricate myself, contain me.  
Me that peace of mind have not
Pain leaving me in control not, of me!
Me that desires not this feeling within, me
Leaving me in the darkness of my nights
As he walks away from me!
Taking the lightness from my life
Will I ever be free!
Free from this ache within me...
Can it be true he'll always be there for me!
He, that believeth in me!
Open your eyes!
It's an elusive illusion it'll always be
The love in my eyes, always been there for He!
Let the illusion disperse not from my mind,
In all my delusions I have liveth, not pain-free
Whether he can feel or not
This ache, within me
Can he! can he not?

                     By Connie James






 

Nothing Will Bring Me Down

Whenever I feel blue I listen to you...

Lifting my spirit high whenever I feel this pull, dragging me low.

My mind serotonin low !!

I sing along with you feeling the vibes in you,

Music feeling my mind,

Unclipping my hair running my fingers through as I dance indolently

Feeling my body swaying through a lightness, within me

As I reach high my hands, touching nothingness...

As I reach higher still I feel my heart's exaltation

Like an explosion on, my mind.

My throat feels full, my eyes my tears spilling through

Not in sorrow but in gladness.

Feeling the beat throbbing through my mind, deep within me

Such a great feeling applying that balm on my mind

Now feeling calmed once again...

The sun shining through my window

In my mind that gossamer dispersing out

Nothing Oh no, nothing will bring me down.

And always as I do thank you

For my spirits lifting...

Chilling out.

By Connie James.

Words come not easy

Words Come Not Easy

Between the line's the letters words written
Easily coming not to me.
Staring at me those lines empty as can be
Words come not easy as I sit wondering
Would they, ever come to me
On the tip of my tongue, they were
Transferring between the lines not so easy
Between the lines what's on my mind writing in the "moment"
Amongst the clouds the scent's in the air laden heavy with dew 
The scent of the rain, lashing heavily through,
Laden heavily within this rain,  
Much needed it's true.
Descending upon this parched land Needed desperately, this mana from the heavens...
Lifting one's face high up to the skies,
This rain without refrain setting on your eyes your lips
Ahh! Your eyes blue, so blue
Like cornflowers the colour, the blueness so true
Mesmerising me like that blue field right below me
Such a sight to see,
A sea undulating wave-like in the breeze  
Walking through it's a sea of blue
Just like the colour of your eyes, so deeply blue.
Caressing each flower as I pass through
Can help not but think of you!
Warm thoughts on my mind those that see me
As I touch each flower lovingly...
To be amongst these lines struggling somewhat
Words coming easy not...Desired or not
Much desirable those that cast their words with easy
For words at times coming not easy, 
Dissipating not from one's mind, easily!
But as I sit, write and write again words easily flowing
Like that waterfall in my mind
Finding myself lost within that waterfall,
My mind trapped between the lines in the distance of my mind.
But my heart cry's
For the lands where I was born, images dispersing not from my eyes
I can see a land of plenty in my mind's eyes
Searching for that face that much-beloved face
That's ingrained in my mind
A face I can find not in the extremities of my mind...
That face that left me!
Or me that left that face behind...
Dispersing not from my mind, searching that face everywhere I go
Everyman I see in the crowd, can that man be he
He that I adored with every drop of my blood
My every tear drop, but In my mind, 
I know I know, that I search a face that's attainable is not
Even in the deepness of my heart, a face I'll find not
A face that I left behind
Writing between the lines my memories coming alive
He's the one that gave me life  gave me my dreams
The one that ingrained music in my heart
Papa in my dreams...
As I go on dreaming my, pen will stop not
My words easily come's tripping, from the tip of my tongue
Running away with me, the thoughts within won't stop me
Like the roots in my heart growing deeply
They won't stop, forever on my mind within me
He was part of me,
Whether I've lost him or not, words can forget not
Ingrained on my mind words forever will be
Words always not come easy,
Simple words...  
Words, words like I love you...

                              By Connie James 

Mausoleums Of Times

The Mausoleums of times past I walk through,
Where they've planted they're dead its true...
Stretching before me I see desolation within me, 
Does anyone hear does anyone see!
Visualising before me,
Abandoned do I see the spirits of others pointing at me.
Accuse not me for I can't see those In times forgotten,
Don't accuse me,
Now in death,
I want not, to see you pointing your finger at me...
I was there I was there Me only Me! 
Were there don't you see!! ...
I was there looking out for you, 
Waiting for you to come through
I was there, championing you
Encouraging, you to breathe through
Your breathing fast much too fast you see
Much too fast take it easy...
Breathe slowly Mama, doucement Mama
But you took not heed.
I knew not you were departing from me
That last drink I gave to you,
You were gasping Mama!  just to wet your lips
Your throat somehow
But the wrong person that was me
I could not comfort thee...
Had the words not fluently, as you slipped
Through my fingers, as I was holding you,
Leaving me alone numbed stupefied too
I knew not you wouldn't come back to me!
As you uttered ahh Jesus, Ohh my God.
Leaving me, leaving me!!!  As tears spilt out.
Why pick on me Mama why, pick on me,
I wasn't the best person to be there you see!
You've forsaken me! Mama!
You've forsaken me...

                      By Connie James

If There's Stars In Your Eyes

If There's Stars In Your Eyes  

Do not go into the other side of midnight
A chance I have not to close my eyes
Raging against the darkness, of the dying light
Wise men know, not if darkness is right,
In the mind of their eyes.
Beyond midnight do go not,
If there are stars in one's eyes
Fighting against the darkness of all times
In the depths of their darkest minds.
Do not go into the other side of midnight
Lightning forked words exists, not on their lips
In the lightness of their minds.
Go not into the other side of midnight
If there are stars in your eyes
Brave men weeping waving their last goodbye's
Frailty needs not, means not,
If their deeds were mindful or not at all times.
As they dance by the moonlight, on the fields of green
Holding you close by!
Raging raging in the darkness
Of the dying night, lightness within
Extinguishing from their eyes
Go not into the other side of the midnight
If their stars in your eyes
Witnessing the rising of the sun feral man
Sang and danced into the light so bright
Grieving they learned not the lateness, of
The stars dispersing from their eyes
Into the other side of midnight do go not,
When the stars are dispersing from your eyes
Hanging from a thread they see men gravely
Eyes blinded euphorically
Blazing embers of meteorite's
Like the fire in their blood in their minds dancing gaily.
Attempt to go not, beyond the midnight hour
If the stars are in your eyes
Raging, raging faith against the darkness of the light
When there is light in the darkness of their nights
Imminently dying the light from their eyes
Go not into the other side of midnight
If, they're stars in your eyes

                                          By Connie James...

Pretending Not

Pretending Not 

Would like to ask a question from my friends.
Why shouldn't one speak one's mind? 
What's in one's mind one's heart one's soul
Why should one express not what's in one's mind! 
Why pretend must one!?
One that knows not, the meaning of pretending.
Why would one resist, in speaking the truth not, as one sees it
The truth I've spoken all my life welcoming, not by those that know not
The meaning when one speaks the truth, suffering fools not
In certain quarters, they crucify you if you speak your mind
It's not the thing one should do, speaking the truth...
They abandon you when one's mind, we must not speak
It's not the way to live through if ones speak one's mind
Unbecoming of you...
Hurting, my mind my heart knowing that you care not,
Pretending you see I do not, pretending it's not in me
What you see it's what you get,
It's inherently in me speaking my mind, can't you see!
It boggles my mind that strangely you find, me speaking my mind
When everyone else expects me to speak not my mind! The truth
An impossibility you know, that's the only way I know
If you can not be there for me, whether I speak my mind or not
Intermittently...Or not, I must speak.

                               By Connie James    

HE!! Is Great

                        HE's Great,

In my mind's eyes, I imagine He standing before me
Imaginings going through me my mind...
I see He staring at me with laughter in his eyes
I'd so love to kiss his eyes, spontaneously
The impetuosity of me is there to see,
My actions inexorably, thinking not just reactions within me.
But He drives me mad mentally cope, can not as he gazes at me!
Ambiguously am scaling high that mountain I must climb
Just to see!
Ahh, the eyes blue like those fields of flax so blue
Like a sea of colour looking across from my window into the distance
Right there before my eyes, I see the greatness, of He
Immeasurably,
This obsessive obsession within me
That I see this obsessive greatness in He
As he walks, by that Gaelic air about He
The way he stands the redness of his long hair
There's something about HE, that proud stance of his
He looks at you unflinchingly right in the eyes
Connecting somewhat this attraction in He
He's always great so says He, as
As I pop a kiss right there on his lips looking into his eyes
I'd be surprised the reaction in He, my heart missing a beat
That look in his eyes leaving me perturbingly
As you enquire of he, he's always Great you see
Looking into his eyes the mischievousness there
You can see how great He can be
But the greatness of HE, no one sees but me!
A great mover is He as we dance cheek to cheek
I can feel the greatness of He
O dear lord irrevocably I could kiss He!
Wanting not to disperse this feeling taking me, into infinity.
Whispering softly that twang of his as he holds me closer, so close
Feeling desire within me speedily my heart beating inexorably
But the greatness of HE!
Unhurriedly He knows how to play me.
Like a Harp, He plucks at the strings of my heart
Wrapping my arms around He
Leaving me, bewitched by He
Wanting his arms, about me holding me tight loving me
Like cornflowers his eyes mesmerising me as he smiles knowingly...
Beguilingly I see that the greatness of HE.
Is there for anyone to see....

By Connie James

Nothing Matters

In my soul demons lived not, in the days of old...
Just "DREAMS"
Dreams very much lived in my mind, In the days of old
Expectations high!
But when one dreamed in our days of old
Nothing seemed to matter, nothing at all
Course we had love in our mind our hearts
Stars scintillating in our skies we had diamonds in our eyes
Nothing mattered nothing at all...
And with the moon high above casting its light across our skies
As we wandered through the night, love in our hearts
Whispering words, sweet nothings, 
Just thoughts that were in our minds 
nothing mattered nothing at all
But as we go through life
Love's still in our minds our hearts
Whether the stars scintillate high up above 
And the moon casts its light  across my skies
Still nothing matters nothing at all  if love lives in my heart 
My heart at times full of love for the ones in my life 
But sometimes love alone won't do, 
Expectations high or not,  when those with our brains, do f...k
Nothing matters nothing at all
Bringing those stars, crashing down from my firmament
Even with the moon in its half-light casting shadows across my skies 
In silhouette am I, in the darkness of my firmament  
There being stars,  not  in my eyes
Scanning my skies searching for the stars in my eyes
That once scintillated like diamonds, 
Searching the stars in your eyes...    
O, stars disperse not from my skies from my eyes 
I'd love to see him in the darkness of my nights 
When light disperses from my eyes
Errevocably. 
Running across the meadows green, so green shadows like a dream
O shadows won't you leave me chasing, my dreams 
Expectations high not, it matters not if you or I ever dreamed 
Nothing matters, nothing at all 


                       By Connie James.
  
  

Lo Siento Mucho

Well, well...My dear Divash
Wonderful seeing your visage once again
You've been hiding from the vision of my eyes
Why must you do that Divash, I've missed seeing your eyes
The boy with the long curled lashes & beautiful, dark eyes 
You've changed somewhat Divash, is that sadness in your eyes
Why should there be sadness!!
Am sure am not right just that taciturn look, looking grown up!
The way you stand the proudness of your stare as you stand there...
But you know as you stare back at me I see you've grown somewhat
Wow! Divanshu looking hot I must say,
Do the birds in your vicinity have anything to say
I bet you're hating this my dear Divanshu...
See! full title, given as you deserve so,
How are you fairing with those books are your studies coming along nicely
Is Mr brain of India studying day and night, night and day!
But my dear Divash you must have time to play
Kick those books aside and say hip, hip hooray,
Is Divash back to stay?
Love your facial hair looking so divine,
Your face sculptured just so...
Divash you must go out and play
Showing, off your good looks in every way...
Kicking the odd butt or two, oh what a gay day
Those books can wait, I guess!
Another day!!

Lo siento mucho mill perdones

                         By Connie James
.

Stars In Your eyes

Do not go into the other side of midnight
A chance I have not to close my eyes
Raging against the darkness, of the dying light
Wise men know, not if darkness is right
In the mind of their eyes.
Beyond midnight do go not,
If there are stars in one's eyes
Fighting against the darkness of all times
In the deepness of their darkest minds.
Do not go into the other side of midnight
Lightning forked words exists, not in their lips
In the lightness of their minds.
Go not into the other side of midnight
If there are stars in your eyes
Brave men weeping waving their last goodbye's
Frailty needs not means not,
If their deeds were mindful or not all of the time.
As they dance by the moonlight, on the fields of green
Holding you close by!
Raging raging in the darkness
Of the dying light,
Extinguishing from their eyes
Go not into the other side of the midnight
If their stars in your eyes
Witnessing the rising of the sun feral man
Sang and danced into the light so bright
Grieving they learned not the lateness, of
The stars dispersing from their eyes.
Into the other side of midnight do go not,
When the stars are dispersing from your eyes
Hanging from a thread they see men gravely
Eyes blind euphorically
Like blazing embers of meteorite's
Like the fire in their blood in their minds dancing gayly.  
Attempt to go not, beyond the midnight hour
If the stars are in your eyes
Raging, raging faith against the darkness of the night
When there is light in the darkness of their nights
Within...Imminently dying the light from their eyes
Go not gently into the other side of midnight
If, they're stars in your eyes

By Connie James

In The Times Of Spring

In a moment in time,
Autumn passing through
In a blink of an eye
It all begun again between us
That love's hidden in the times of spring
Like lichen on the trees of the deepest forests
We would dance like no other casting shadows
The trees eminently casting longish silhouettes
The silence the moonlit night
Shadows casting upon you upon me
As the silence became oppressively
No words from you
As I wrote the story between you and me!
The streets busy, tram lines lost
And the studio in chaos pictures abounded forgotten
In the night, we would sit and shiver in the autumn rain
Walking through the morning dew
Shivering we'd be you and me, holding tight
The steaming kettle, we're frozen through
That much-needed cup of tea
Warming our hands cupping that cup
Like the warmth of a touch
In the times of spring.

                        By Connie James.

Words Come Not Easy...

Good Morning My World...
Words come not easy,
Fast and furious as they once used to be...
Trying to curtail my words not easy, how can it be?
Curtailing my words, what's in my mind my heart
What's in the deepness of me!!
My words by all appreciated not, that much's true.
This affliction, tightening within me
But I know not any other way to be.
My words are a curse to me!
Alone will I always be!
Forever alone without you there for me.
Obsessively my words come to me,
In the extremities of my mind, my words won't let be
Won't let me be, obsessively extolling
What's in the recessions of my mind
My words my words those that understand not me
In turmoil, my mind is when one can say not
What lurking in the deepness of me
Is it worth living if one can not be free,
Extolling what one feels in one's heart one's soul
Critical being not...Me!
Perpetually, worrying or not if one can say not,
What's in one's mind...
Worry!
I do not they just pour out of me words, my enemy.
Dealing consequently what's pouring from me
Not easy, you're lost just as me.
If those that like my words not, stay away from me!
My words are my words not,
But this cretin that resides within me
My words, I can help not my words perpetually...
Getting me into strife ambiguously.
The ambivalence In me Is my words inherently in me.
A mind kicking butt, whenever a thought comes to me.
Me!!!
A mind that can disperse not control not
Dispersing the thoughts from me!
What's it like to be me,
Me anguishedly.
Me that control can not this being within me
At times, anger resides in my mind
My mind that can not be free,
If a mind can be free not...
What's the point of me!
Me in ambiguity can live not
If my mind can not be free.

By Connie James...

Come What May.

Good Morning my World 
This morning my worlds weeping on me 
My sky's are grey indeed, there are tears falling from my sky's 
As I draw my curtains wide, wider am faced with greyness 
The mist's in my eyes as I try and visualise the emptiness within
Yet I know, I know I should mind not the vision before my eyes
This greyness within but my heart cry's the mistiness in my eyes
As I look outside am faced with this gossamer curtain like
Impeding me to see beyond it
Much prefer to see the lightness beyond my grey darkness
That's facing me at this precise moment
Behind this gossamer of darkness,
I need not this darkness within.
My soul cry's out for the brightness that enriches my, mind
Indeed, it lifts my very spirits
I need light music song and laughter
Not crawling in this mire that's sinking my spirits
Low, So low.
Good morning my world,
Have a beautiful bright day,
Hope the sun's smiles on you, impeding not
What's in your heart, come what may. 

                         By Connie James...