The Reason I Survive...

From the very first light with the rising of the sun
With the brightness of dawn, to the going down of the sun
He's the reason I survive, from morning till night
And then from night till dawn again
Enduring between us the silences, I can not
Our thoughts far and wide
Gazing at him at first light of the night
His face handsomely his features, relaxed
As he sleeps the sleep of the innocent, sleeping now.
His hair tussled, curling on his forehead
Brushing aside from his eyes, was I.
His lips, his eyes deep like oceans
Asking myself why!!!
Who's He?
Who's this man taking my peace of mind my reason
My sanity...
The only reason I survive hour to hour day to day
The turbulence within me
After, all he's just a man
That I've dreamed most nights, my mind so full of he
Taking my reasoning taking my mind.
Thinking not most times incapable or not,
In one's mind euphorically
It's him I desire most times obsessively
The illusionary illusion, carrying within me
The fascination within as I write again and again
Fascinatingly or not the elusive illusion inherently in me
As I look into his eyes and see darkness within He
Perpetually by the light of the half-lit moon
Strangely familiarly gazing at me...
Me, trying to extricate, myself from this prison
That am in, in my mind, between the light and the darkness
The brightness ambiguously, lightness within
The silence ominously waiting for me
In the lightness of dawn covered in a gossamer, like fog
Mistiness in my mind my mind that otherwise can not be understood
The mystical light across my firmament as if dreams amongst the night
My mind mesmerised by he,  wishing understanding not
That the only thought, first and foremost
He came to mind ambiguously.
The only reason that I survive, my mind irretrievably
Can not extricate, myself from thinking about He.        


                       By Connie James...

They Have Not...

 They Have Not.

May I whisper sweet nothings
In the middle of your night
When sleep you can not
When there's no one in sight
I'd whisper in the morning
And I'd whisper in the night
I'd whisper softly in your ear
When sleep eludes you in the night
I'd whisper my, darling close your eyes sleep tight
Whilst am holding you in my arms
Making everything alright
I'll deposit a kiss on your forehead
& your name I'll whisper softly
Whilst holding you tightly in my arms
Not that tight just enough that'll you'll know
That am holding you for dear life
A life that's unfairly treated you
By those, that gave you, life
In ambiguity, now you live from day to day
Whether it rain shines or not
Every day of your days
In your heart
Immeasurable the pain must be
When those, that should have loved you, have not
Shunning their offspring ashamed they should be
That in every day of his days
Ambiguously trying showing that you're ok
But the scorn that you know so well
Pouring from every orifice, every day of your days
Leaving you mentally scared
A wreck psychologically
In their minds turbulence reigns
Every day of their days
Wondering,
If today, they'd love you come whatever may
Unconditional love should be, it matters not what they say
Those that are there, to protect us every day of our days
Preconditional love exists not...to a child's mind...
One just loves with our minds our hearts our very souls...
Why must some of us, tempt when they know they should not
To Create that sibling when love lives not in their hearts
Their selfishness paramount...it's not a game they say
Caring not for the blood of their blood
Anxiety dispersing from their anguished minds
Withholding their love
The title to parenthood rights they do not
Indeed, no they have not!

By Connie James




 

A Mind That Minds...

May the breeze whisper over you
Make your heart sing when the days through
May it make you smile when your feeling sad
When your throat constricting when you're in pain
And may the moon come to you restore you
Shining, light through to the recesses of your mind
Restoring your mind with a strength impossible you though
Letting the illusion disperse not from the sight of your eyes
From the days the beautiful days of your days
When lives meant such a lot in the days of our days
And may you walk gently through the days of your life
Letting the sunshine,
Upon you warm, you embrace you
For all your worth making you smile, day upon day.
A life that can bear not, when you see not within us
That love was inherently obsessively...
Forget not the elusive illusion that love lived within us
And may you gently walk the streets in the recesses of your mind
A mind that minds
Whether there ever was love or not
In one's heart...

                               By Connie James ...

His Face

                His Face...

Ahh, Harry...You want no other!
This is HARRY'S face
The only one that he has, says he!
It's a great face full of strength
As they gaze into his eyes
But that face of HARRY'S
That has launched a thousand ships
The odd pirate boat or two
Going from ocean to ocean
Land to land expertly with roving eyes
Each place he lands far and wide
Looking around with pride
At his beauty's by his side...
Looking into his eyes smiling caressing his!
With pride in their eyes
That here stands HARRY.
With the only face that he has
Casting his eye over those beauty's
That once gave him such a thrill
As they gazed into his eyes
The pirate boy the long red hair
And the bluest of blue eyes
Like a Viking in the days of old
Rampaging through foreign lands
Like a storm with, gust in his eyes...
That smile in his eyes
Chasing him tirelessly over the bay
HARRY'S Birds their little flocks
With his red hair and the bluest eyes

         By Connie James...

Our Mother Earth...

This is more of an essay...
An epic kind of my minds turning...
Your welcome to read it...If you care to
            (((((((((((Our Mother Earth))))))))))))

The heartbeat of our world it's breath raspingly
As we count our heart beats one two and three
Like a bellow's pumping oxygen into our world
Gently puffing as she breathes deeply so alive is she!
Our Mother Earth
She's home can you see not, her voice intoningly for all to hear
As she sings imploringly,
The vibrations carrying far and wide
From the mountain highs the savannahs the valley's down below
It's intonation rising beyond the sky's high above you and me!
Where condors sway on the thermal winds
Above our firmament, swaying floating dancing in the breeze
The complexity of she understands one can not
As she goes from A-to-B
Upon her shoulders carrying her lot so strong is she.
Ambiguity can not desert distract her world
That once upon the time could forget not, the complexity of she...
The diversity of she is there for all to see as she watches you and me
If only you open your eyes and see
It's awesome panorama surrounding thee
It's beauty by far you have seen not, can not see
From the savannahs wild so wild going about their world
There goes those beasts about their world, ambiguity not on their minds.
For they think, not greediness not on their minds.
They just take what they need, there's no greed
Enrichment is not on their minds.
The rain forests, their density that once was a sight to see
A diversity of colours green! you'll ever see
In the time of autumn the richest colours you'll ever see
Before your eyes
The profoundness of colours defunct, cascading floating gently
From their canopy of colours,
The reds the rusts the bronzes intermingling with the golds
Right there before your eyes the richest carpet, you'll ever see
Under their canopy nakedly they'll be
So proudly displaying before our eyes
The greatness of their beauty, falling at their feet.
Waterfalls exuding from her being like tears in anguish.
The densest cloud gossamer-like the density is such
Impeding our eyes from visualising the intensity
Tears flowing from her eyes as if in pain within
Her diversity is such in a blink of an eye
Gone before you realise what she's all about
Nature abounds everywhere
Before your very eyes so attuned one becomes
Crowding our sky's those birds going by across our firmament...
The elegance of those Swans the Flamingos the Condors flying high!!
And all those in between, all the little birds of our world!
O why can I not be a bird flying high
In the extremities of my sky's
Riding those thermal winds, why can not I!!
In my imagination there goes I
Swaying floating through those eternal winds of life
Goes I so attuned was I,
Swaying dancing in those winds of life never wanting to end
Beneath our oceans our sea's life's beautiful
Like those whales holding hands as if dancing the Danube
So attuned were they
A kaleidoscope beneath our oceans
A diversity of colours, one sees one's mind overflowing, in intensity
Whilst above our sky's beyond our, universe our stars...
A better sight you'll see not as far as I can see
It's the rising of the sun unfurling before me
Like an entity casting its eyes upon me bright like a diamond
In its immensity like rivers of gold, viscus tumbling into the sea
A new day a new life a new meaning new hope
A new beginning for you for me
But our mother earth's hurting, the greediness of our world
Grasping wanting everything destroying, life's nature...
This need of wanting more than we need
Destroying our forests
Whether or not theirs a need
Their cull'ing our wild life's with their greed
Our medicine there not, medicine comes not into it!
They're just living breathing hearts beating  just like you and me
Were we in their position, hunting us down
Killing us slowly extracting our bones crushing down
For that elusive magic potion, that kick, that elusive kick up the pants
That aphrodisiac or so they believe
Why can't they just live and let live!!
And their coats our clothes their not to guard us, from the cold.
Their cutting cull'ing raping our world in every way, you can see
They're ripping burning our forests leaving desolation behind
Scarred flagellated screaming out hurting dying for their greed
Poisoning our world chemically, the animals they breathe forcefully
Stuffing our faces greedily such a sight ghastly to see!
As if a tomorrow, there wouldn't be!
Our forests are plundered of its life you see
Killing everything in sight the animals the trees a scarred land.
That once the home of many, from the animals
To it's indigenous peoples to the rain forests you see
A scarred land our world, now extinct for the greediness
Of this animal so called,  these intelligent human beings!
They are killing our world!
In desolation, they'll rule our world, such sights
These accursed human being eating our way it hurts to say!
Eating our way into the extinction of our world
Our rain forests now nakedly with the destruction
From those greedy cooperates
Leaving nought but destruction, desolation wherever they roamed...
Our seas our lands of ice are melting down
Our world crying tears of blood
Whether there's time enough or not,
To turn things around...
God only knows!
  
                                     By Connie James...    




    





     

It's an illusion...

It's an illusion

Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears flowing from my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Falling from the deepness of my heart
My heart perturbed in pain,
And everything else in between.
My life my love he desires not
Even in friendship...
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
My thoughts were his from morn till night
And every second in between...
The tribulation in my mind's enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within, me minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late,  to want to hold he against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread  my life! is it worth it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me! wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the corners of my mind desolation lives...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the deepness of my mind my soul
My soul that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering.
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
My mind in ambiguity, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me, disguising not the emptiness within
But in the deepness of my mind
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms achingly for the touch
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse, from me
His mind's not, can not hold me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can take not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind
It's an illusion.

            By Connie James...

The Only Face...

The Only Face

That face has launched a thousand ships
A thousand ships or two
It's a good face, it's there for, anyone to see
It's a face ingrained on my mind
It's the only face that I see.
Between you and me! the only face he has
A better, face he could have not as far I can see
It's launched thousands of ships
Sailing across the seas
I being one of those maidens
Has stayed in my memory
That face full of strength,
Planting, those seeds on my mind.
As he goes roaming across the miles!
Fathoms, deep skimming across the seas.
Distant lands hollering
Oi there me beauty's me, dearies
His long boat, like the Vikings of old
Those maidens so in love or lust, with he
As they saw his ship arrive around the headland
Running, to the shore dishevelled hair
As their god landed in paradise...
Once more like never before
As they carried he shoulder high
Ambiguity not anywhere
As they hollered yet again
Carrying their man with the long red hair
His eyes blue, so blue gazing as far as he could see
This paradise land,
Whispering winds beyond those trees
Swaying in the breeze,
The mountains high above
The lagoons, the waters blue, so blue
Those waterfalls,
Like a gossamer curtain shimmering in the sun.
In the noonday, before the madness began ...
Scanning his eyes as far and wide, over
His domain
Was a land spoiled not by man
A land a paradise land
As he was carried shoulder high
Through his paradise his domain,
He ruled with fairness and love
Those maidens retained his heart
As they proudly stood by
With mischievousness in they're eyes
As they gazed into his face, the only face
A face brimming with love
For his beauty's across the far horizon
The deepest fathoms across the miles
A face that launched ten thousand ships.
But, in their minds those long boats
Those pirates that he ruled with iron fists
Recognised was he, as hollering he arrived
Beating a drum or two like the Vikings of old
Rampaging through...
But that face the only face retained by those
In far distant lands, remembering
He that face, that ruled they're world.
With fairness & love
As they carried him shoulder high
Their god, the long red hair
And the bluest of blue eyes.

  By Connie James...

Like A Banshee...

     

           Like A Banshee...

Hollering like a Banshee was she
She that in her mind could see not, He
He, that was taking her sanity,
Whenever she thought of he
In her ambiguity, she cried for he
Peace of mind she had not, not she.
But her mind's so full of he
He, that's woken her from her ambiguity
Feelings spilling out, whenever
Whenever she thought of he.
She can see he when his lights shine through
Wondering, thinking if he's thinking of she
In her mind, she calls out his name
But he can hear not, or does not care for she
Restless she becomes when he answers not she.
Sleep she can not her mind perpetually
Going over and over he.
Obsessively she calls his name time & time again
But hear her he can not, seeing not she...
But in her mind she can see he watching over her
His eyes the colour of my skies
The immensity, the intensity of he...
His eyes she can see going over she
Like a balm, he can be
Calming her mind her curious mind,
Wondering perpetually if he will
Will he come and see she!
In her ambivalence inherently in she
Hollering, she can not can, not let he escape
Escape from the corners of her mind
Her mind so full of he!
Disperse from her mind he must not...
In all ambiguity
Let there be light when she thinks of, he
For in darkness, she can not be
Let darkness disperse upon her mind
Letting lightness sip through
For in silhouette, he must be not, can not be
For when the day's through
And am still thinking about you ...
On the downing, of the sun
Hollering she must not be!
Like a banshee!
Staring towards his skies,
Wherever he may be in ambiguity
Let the light disperse not from her eyes
Her eyes, mind her imaginings
At the going down of the sun
Whispering can she be looking into his eyes
Seeing him in the mind of her eyes
Intoxicatingly
Stars in her eyes when it comes down to he!
In the darkness of her firmament
Letting lightness sip through just enough
To see you.
In the eyes of my mind
Was he.
     
 By Connie James











 

Young Old Lady

Indeed a very young old lady...
It's not what we see in our mirrored glass 
That's inside of us... 
But what we carry in our minds our hearts 
Our mirrors see's not what's in our hearts.
Whilst our minds fighting with our minds 
That what one sees in our mirrored, glass it's not us 
But a stranger staring into our eyes
As the years goe's by our minds attuned becomes
To the changes In us...
That woman's not me, staring back at me 
As I touch my mirrored glass...
Tracing my fingers along the lines of my, visage!
With a tear in my eye...
The years robbed me of my youth
Where's the face that shone with light in her eyes!
Mischievously painting life, with her eyes.
Each look. That we took 
Wondering why, life has passed us by
But even in my sale by date, gone by... 
There's life behind those eyes...that still lives,
Mischievousness...in my minds there's  
Love laughter dance and music ever after
In the days of my days
So dearest Cuz...
We're indeed very young old ladies 
In our minds eyes, our hearts... 
Bless you Cuz, X 

By Connie James...

Rising Of The Sun...

You are like that rising star

I see across the horizon far

Unfurling before my eyes like a flower

Cascading like a molten river of gold viscous  

My eyes, rising to the stars in your eyes 

As you unfurl before me!

Indolently dancing close so close to me!

I reach up to touch your face 

Your body indolently moving  

As we sway to & fro...in a dance. 

Taking hold of my senses, 

My senses has no defences as I kiss your eyes, 

The colour of my firmament bluest of blues

Whilst your body gold so golden glistening 

As I hold in my two hands your face 

Kissing your mouth your eyes!
Whilst the stars playing games with my mind  

Falling like a waterfall golden, viscous liquid  

Dispersing from the vision of my eyes, unfurling   

Rooted to the spot was I, believe I can not 

You're leaving without a goodbye!

Is it an illusion, my mind unfocused  

As I reached to touch your visage tentatively   

O lord, let the illusion disperse not

This illusion before my eyes 

My eyes seen has not, love within.

Looking into your eyes, bewitchingly. 

I can see, you dis-furling before me  

Leaving me anguishedly, 

As I reach up reaching highier, reach I can not,  

This illusion before my eyes dispersingly 

O Lord, let this illusion disperse not 

If my eyes can see not, 

That golden river viscous...

Scintillating little stars dispersing before my eyes.

Rising again...the miraculous unfurling of the sun. 

It's rays extending far and wide, mesmerisingly 

Raising, my hands high to the sky's 

Before me, the rising sun's emerging   

Unfurling before my eyes bewitchingly  

Raising, my hands to the sky's 

Shutting my eyes...

Worshipping, that glorious star 

Unravelling  each morn like a flower   

The rising of the sun.     

                              By Connie James...

     

    

Alone...

This morning my world's pressing down on me 
There's a heaviness in my heart 
A gossamer over my eyes that wake I want not.
There's pain in my heart
Why lonely must I always be, if those in my world 
Understands not me
Understands not what I am what I'll be
Turmoil resides within me...
Ambiguously my mind chastising me for thinking not
Spontaneity rules my life my world
Thinking not always
But the ambivalence in me as I live from day to day
Living a day at the time's my way.
Care not always what I do or say
But my nature is to love those in my world
But if at times my language fall's by the way, side
In something that I do or say...
Always has been my way to speak my mind!
But if those in my world care not to hear what I say.
Best stay away, from a mind that thinks not, always
At war with my mind, in what to do what to say...
But if careful I have to think, my mind filters not
My thoughts it happens not in any way.
Flowing through they come, whether good or bad
The essence of me, why must I be me this being!
This being that now's not that cope's can not
Living from day to day
Trying letting not the turbulence within my thoughts
Escape from the corners of my mind
My mind that does not dance and sing at all times
But sinks in the mire of my thoughts
When there's doubt within my mind
Much rather my heart sang and danced at every change
Except darkness robbing the light from within my mind
Extracting not that gossamer impeding light
From my eyes living me in darkness
Alone!

              By Connie James 

A Little Prayer

Lord my Son's in need of Thee!
His mind his soul's in ambiguity
O, Lord cast your eyes over he
He can function not from his, day, to day.
Communicate, with those outside his world
An impossibility.
Seeing them as his extreme enemy's within he.
His mind that cannot abide, those that look at he
Lord my son's in need of Thee
In ambiguity
The uncertainty running deeply through his mind
His mind's troublesome most of the time
Cope cannot with those around he
Making his life a misery!
The obsessive obsession inherently within he
O Lord won't you,
Won't you O, Lord cast your eyes over he
A beautiful baby he was
With his curly hair his big beautiful brown eyes
Such a good temperament was he...
The light shone in his eyes...
The light of my life was he,
But he laughs no more, their's pain in his eyes
The boy with the long lashes, beautiful eyes!
He's such a beautiful heart, O Lord!
Beautiful soul, his manners like no other.
Oh Lord cast your eyes over he
The ambivalence in he
In turmoil in his heart is he.
Knowing not how to be he!
His mind's running obsessively
Functioning not as he should be
O Lord cast your eyes over he
He that lives in ambiguity!
So move forward he can be
From the obsessive obsession running through he
O Lord won't you, please cast your eyes over he
I ask not much of Thee for me!
Can one love one's children too much!!!
I know not O Lord.
But my son's in need of Thee!

                                   By Connie James.

Peace Amongst Earthlings

Hello, World!
Here we go again Connie's about!
Give her a wide birth I hear you say
It's the story of my life everything I say.
Is misconstrued in some way!
But if what I say, upsets anyone it's not meant that way
Oh lord am tired of curtailing what goes through my mind
Just in case I offend this or that family member in, anyway
Somewhat's must be wrong with me
If every time, I open my mouth my mind you see,
I've upset some member of my family,
With a comment, I've though nought, about
That'll teach me!
O! Imbecility please free me from my mind,
My mind that at times, logically thinks not
For indeed an imbecile, I must be
If curtail I can not my thoughts
My thoughts taking hold of me, my mind my very being.
Obscuring the light
That in darkness I must be all the days of my life!!!
Those that share my life or not
With love or dislike...
Even those that hate my guts
For being me!
But being me is all I can be, I know not any other way
If those in my life understand me not in any way!
An imbecile I must be!
Does imbecility causes pain in one's heart tearing it apart
When one sees shunning, that starts a war in my heart
Fighting every day of my life to drown the hurt within me
It's an impossibility unless I quit from feeling with my heart
But my heart quit can not it know's not how to quit.
A masochist I must be if I carry all this within me
This pain, this asphyxiation of my breath.
Waterfalls flowing from my eyes control I can not
Extreme pain within me...
But used to this I must be that's a possibility of my being,
Causing panic amongst the pigeons.
Divorcing I must be those that are blood of my blood
If, ever am to have peace of mind
Peace amongst us earthlings...
Is a must.

                                      By Connie James.

The Man Boy Next Door...

The man, boy next door is like a balm to me!
Each time I see him I quiver within
I know when he's in when his lights shine through
Can help not but say how do you do!
I can see the light shine in his eyes
When he looks at me! Oh, my!
His face I touched, slightly so
With fingertips a touch, a caress, lightly upon his visage.
Remembering it felt like stars in my eyes...
My eyes could not disguise the look in his eyes...But!
The ambiguity, in my mind, there I must go not!
Ambiguously my minds telling me, so.
That the man, boy next door's not for me!
We talked so easily right from the start
Ambiguity inherently right on my mind
I mustn't whatever I'll start,
But the boy! Is stealing my heart
But the man, boy always on my mind...
We talk about everything right through the night
Oh, dear lord what have we started
I mustn't let the boy take hold of my heart
I mustn't play a part in stealing his heart!
I want not to weep in the dark
Wanting to feel his lips on mine
When am feeling  his arms about me
My hands touchingly...
Caressing his face with my eyes.
Yet we're so far apart the boy and I!
In his mind, taking hold of me I must let him not,
Thinking of me right from the start
With his eyes, his mind with his heart
The man, boy and I! stop we must...
I must nip this thing in the bud
I want not to hurt his heart...
He soothes my, mind my soul he's,
He's like a balm to me healing my mind my soul
He's a troubled soul, just like me!
To hurt the man, boy I want not I must not do.
Saying he has enough love for me for he
On my mind burning a hole!
With his eyes.
But he's making eyes at me!
The man, boy next door
As I gaze at him lovingly!
But, much too young he is for me!
There I mustn't go not indeed, I must not.
Oh please save me!
Thoughts in my head about, he.
Him I must let not, take hold of my heart!
The man, boy next door
Is not for me!
                          By Connie James

Missing You...

Missing You...

My minds so full of you darling
Missing you!
I can't even write to you
Insidious thoughts on my mind
My mind can see you not, being away from you
And my heart cries thinking of you
Oh, darling, I do miss you!
I miss you, with my mind my heart,
My body's crying aching, out for you.
In my mind, I see you, loving me
Making love to me!
Closing my eyes, I see you smiling at me
With your blue eyes
Your eyes cannot disguise as I look at you
Mesmerizing me bewitching me
A touch, just a slight touch
Making me wanting you
Bear can not, you stay away from me.
My heart my mind cries what about me!!!
Me that caresses you, worships you kissing you
Wishing you, only you!
My mind irrevocably numb, the nearness of you
Seeing you my eyes lights up
My heart skipping a beat, my eyes so full of you.
Yet you do not my darling care for, me like I do for you.
Sitting here, gazing across the horizon far
Stars scintillating like diamonds in the bluest of seas
Casting on by the sunlight, so bright so pure
The palm trees swaying in the breeze
Against the bluest of skies like your blue eyes!
Ahh, darling, I love you!
Across the far horizon, a cruising ship floats by
Looking at, that monstrosity of the seas
Bringing those from distant lands
As they look and stare with wonder in their eyes
At this tiny island paradise, so close to my heart
But my minds never so far from you
Darling just wishing that you could see me
Sitting here thinking of you
Won't you come to me!
I! Needing you as I do can help not,
Remembering when we loved beneath those palm trees.
Am praying, obsessively
Won't you come my darling, won't you!
There's only an ocean between us
An ocean between you and me control cannot
The whisperings,
Wadding through the cool water's I can see
The clearness, a bottomless, sea
Waters blue, so blue
Can not help comparing them to you
The ebullience lifting me swaying,
Upon a wave or two
Darling so terribly lonely without you!
Looking closely, I see,
In the rock pools the odd crab or two
Mesmerizing watching them
Darling, I miss you!

            By Connie James.

The Lonely Nights...

In the night the lonely nights, the touches
Those touches that you put me through
As I held on to you!
Reciting your verses of love
And by the half-lit moon,
Just enough to see through
Your features in silhouette the rain
Softly falling...
The moon at half-light, looking at you 
The rain dancing before you, kissing you
Immersing in the fragrance wild jasmine
Heightening one's senses
The potency of an earth forgotten
It's scent it's earthly scent, you experience
In the regions of your mind.
Ambling through my city
Just you and I skimming through...
Resist could not the wonder, of you.
kissing you...
Lost in the storm amid the darkness, of the night
Awakening storming in our blood, our nights 
That kiss, taking, our breath away, 
Intoxicated, minds
In our sleepless nights, we held tight
Loving awaited us
Whispering through the night
Rose petals scattered be me, I lay there,
In my naked body
Intoxication filling my senses, wild scented rose,
Frayed senseless my senses...
Lying down, closing my eyes
Gazing out into the night, were, you
That far-away look in your eyes
Bewitching the music at midnight.
Dreamy, dreams are born in the recesses, of my mind.
In the far distances of the horizon far
Strange light, filling your eyes
Kissing you
Making love with my eyes
And in love and laughter, searching ourselves
A shelter for you and I!

                           By Connie James...

Far Far Away...

Far, Far Away

In the darkness, the greyness I so abhor
Staring at me, that ache right inside of me
As if my heart is tightening the very life from me! 
Sitting here, you're on my mind always on my mind
But you my darling are so far away from me
I bear can not looking into your blue eyes as I see
Looking into your face mesmerisingly
In my mind's eyes, I see you in my mind
The illusion is true...
For I know I know in my heart
That you're only on my mind!
But darling wishing it were true
Wishing you were thinking of me
Making love to me slowly unhurriedly
In the darkness of my nights
My lonely nights
Wishing you,
Kiss me, darling kiss me!
There are tears falling from my skies
My skies are grey so grey!
The ambivalence in me wanting me!
Far, far away,
Yet my mind cries out kiss me darling kiss me,
Won't you...Kiss me!
Love to see your blue, blue eyes discerningly
Making love to me!
But my darling why, why do you keep away from me!
Yet I feel you, you're wanting me!
Feeling your eyes caressing me
I can hear your voice that slight twang you see
Ringing in my ears like a song
Listening to your voice sending shivers through me...
That intonation I so love to hear
When you whisper closer to my ear
Step by step, sending me into a frenzy...
In the darkness of my mind euphorically,
When lightness leaves me
In the darkness of my nights
My heart cries out for thee
But darling you're so far away from me
Obsessively, in my obsessive obsession of thee
I can see love in your eyes for me!
But my mind refuses to see
The desolation, the emptiness cruising, through me!
In my ambiguity, I see not the uncertainty in your eyes
That far away look in your eyes killing me.
Taking the very life from me!
The moon full, above me
It's light shining on thee!
Scintillating stars in my dark blue sky's
Reminding me of that night
We lay beneath that velvety dark blue sky
Wishing on that shooting star falling across my sky's
My world my universe, my world you are!
But the ambiguity in me inherently
The ambivalence of my being
The irresponsibility I care not for a world,
That can see not or care or not for you and me!
My eyes so full of love the wanting in me
Across the ocean, I see darkness ominously
The swell, of the sea's swelling angrily
Smashing upon the shore unforgivingly, hungrily.
The far side I can reach not thee
My world my world crumbling eminently on me...
And I praying, praying for you
To come to me!

By Connie James.

Let There Be Lust...

Let There Be Lust...

Ambiguous'ly my senses
Having, no defences when your eyes meet mine
Struggling with my senses
When I know you're there all the time.
In a moment, in time...
I can feel your hands whispering over me...
Sending thrills through me my mind...
Oh darling, bad I have been not in such a long time!
My mind's so full of you missing you, your touches
Screaming out at times you're in the visions of my mind
Wanting you there all the time...
Trilling, me playing havoc perpetually
In the recesses of my mind
Feeling's within encouraging, I should not,
But darling bad I have been not in such a long time
What's wrong with me,
Me that knew not could not,
Envisage the thrill it would be!
Casting your eyes upon me...
Forever asking is it ok...could you do or say!!!
I knew not in any way!!
So with the flow I'd go feeling each sensation,
You put me through the excitement was such but!
But bad I was not, not inherently in me
I must have had this need in me...
Was mortified...Dead feeling within me
Until you, reawaken me from my dead living limbo.
Now, you care not encourage not any input from me
But darling bad I've been not in such a long time.
My minds always with you, severe you were so cold,
When I tried making love to you!
What has changed my darling am always with you!
My mind unfocused waiting for a word from you
It comes not through, the words I want to hear
I miss you!
You see my darling bad I have been not, in such a long time
The hunger within me is such
You've, reawaken the beast in me, wanting you by my side!
But there you sit across from me
In your eyes, I can see the turmoil within you...
Am begging with my eyes won't you? won't you?
Things I say or do always for you...
Cupping your face, in my two hands
Looking into your eyes kissing your lips
Bear, I can not as I look at you...
Seeing desire in your eyes
But darling, bad I have been not, in such a long time.
Why did you reawaken me!
Those feelings running through me.
Obsessively I search you in every face I see
But you an illusion must be,
I can not see an image, I've created within me
Dispersing from me that delusion
The ambiguity
My heart sees you not, looking at me with love
But lust will always be
Let there be lust in your eyes, you'll always be with me
The love within me is enough,
Is enough to burn for all eternity
For you and me.

                               Connie James...

Love Once Lived ..

Hello, My World...
My world's not smiling on me...
A prisoner...It's holding me...In the things that I see,
Exaggerating not my mind, those that were with me
Once upon a time, happiness was the way
Sitting here feeling as miserable as sin
I guess feeling sorry for myself...
Flowing tears within my heart my soul
Like a curse, I must endure.
But it's so hard to think those that were with me
Casting that first stone, breaking me...
In the sight of my eyes, I see a world, not with me
But a, world so far apart from you and me
Those that were in my world,
Now forever gone, without a chance of returning to me!!
Dispersing not the illusion that they were family
Let the delusion disperse not.
My eyes can not see the light at the end of that tunnel
That darkness killing me...
Will there ever be lightness
In between my dark thoughts
My thoughts a dark aberration the light it can not see
Is it worth living in the darkness of my thoughts
In the darkness of my nights when I can sleep not!!
Thinking of those that justifiable or not
Have cast that first stone
Whether I spoke the truth or not.
Those in my world the truth they like not
But cowardly, cowering, without a thought.
An original thought they have not
Like sheep...blindingly following those they should not
Whether am right or not...
A free world its suppose to be, whether you like it or not...
So with me, they must do without,
A thorn on their sides I'll be...
Sad to think of them with love not...
My world they, broken up.
Let the Illusion disperse not
that love once lived...
Such a lot!

                                     Connie James... 

Always On My Mind...

The delusions we go through when we're in love

But when I saw you sitting at the waterfall

It was the month of June

Coming to me, ambiguously...

Looking at you with love in my eyes

You, with stars in your eyes smiling looking at me

I recognised that in my heart, there was love

At the start, we had stars in our eyes.

Behind the said waterfall where love was born

Our lips our mouth searching hungrily,

In the blue moonlight

With the stars above we made love that first time

And I

Reaching into the recesses of my mind

That kiss, always remembering that kiss

Behind the waterfall

Like two souls washing out purging from our minds

Somewhat from our pass

The euphoria within us as we embraced at last

As if the world wouldn't last

In, that moment in time I realised

You're always on my mind

My mind at times forgets not

That once there was love in our hearts

Our minds,

Indeed searching through the recesses of my mind

The elusive illusion,

That love would live forever in our hearts

In the ambiguity, that love would never depart 

The obsessiveness on my part

Holding tight to a love I trusted not.

Through my mind, it came to pass that

When loves departed, without even a goodbye.

My eyes cried, cried for all time

My heart constricting my, throat my breathing

Immeasurable sorrow convulsing tears in my heart

Dispersing not, acknowledging in my mind

Yes love lived within us for a time

A moment in time

Always on one's mind...

                       By Connie James

                           

Not A Boy But A Man

Of course, he could!!
As he sees the boy in the mirrored glass...
Metamorphosing into a man...
It was enough to see him laugh, laugh like a man...
He could contain himself not, at the picture that he made, 
Glancing into his mirrored glass,
He saw not a boy but a man...
And in the darkness of the night a woman silently yet again, looking 
Metamorphosing before his eyes in the darkness of the night,
Into the light once again...
A woman she became...
Looking into his eyes seeing his face turn, whispering to himself...
A tear spilling from his eyes, as the night came!!
Watching her with lovelorn eyes...
He could trace her face, not in the mirror of his eyes...
The pain the loneliness within...
Covered in her mask he could disguise not...
See the moonlight, in light of her eyes,
That otherwise the woman she'd become...
Before the night came...
Recognising you...
Uttering words of love, yet again...
The boy that glanced into his mirrored glass,
Only to become a man...

Connie James...

A Higher Plateau...

A Higher Plateau...

It's rather invigorating...Yes.
One feels light of mind,
Leaving one's high in spirit, standing on top of the world, 
Casting one's eyes all around you...
Leaving you spellbound by its magnificence,
It's as if God cast a spell in your little world...
A world struggling to survive the beastliness of those surrounding you,
Falsity in their masks as their facing you!!!
Wringing our hearts until the last drop of blood sips, through...
They need not one, but what you can do...
Their miserable lives, so false towards you...
That's why we need those Purbecks of Dorset...
Lifting one's spirits a hundred fold it's true!!
As one stands on top of the world,
The mesmerising view...
That at times one has no words it's true...
One's heart's filling with emotion...a tear spilling or two,
One just can help not, as those tears spill through...
The emotion one feels as we cast our eyes to the horizon far...
The swaying grasses in the breeze like a golden ocean
As the wind blow's through, swaying to and fro...
The up and down hills one has to go through,
Leaving one tired out, exhaustion spilling out of you
One's limbs crying out with the exertion one puts through,
Pulling you !!.
One more step breathing through gaspingly...
One more breath deeply, catching wit the rest of you.
Reaching the top of your world, collapsing on one's knees,
One's heart's beating excessively...
Taking a moment or two, one's heartbeat...
Slowing down of one's heartbeat,
The endorphins in one's mind, lifting you...
Like ecstasy in one's mind,
Lifting you, your mind your spirit...
To a higher plateau...

By Connie James...

Bright Like A diamond...

BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND

The sun shining through my window it's a calling to me
Bright so bright like a diamond, I can hardly see.
Trying so hard lifting that gossamer from my eyes
Impeding the vision from my mind at times no so easy.
That golden eye so bright in my sky's...Lightness within.
Now, deeming somewhat hiding from me,
Like a game of cat and mouse.
Now you see me then you don't.
Hiding behind that cloud, or rather that cloud hiding you
Obliterating from the sight of my eyes
Those rays that are calling to me!
But my head won't let me up
As if drunk I was my room spinning on me
Those rays smiling at me
Yet the sun's peeping in on me!
Winking now and then, calling a calling to me
But my legs won't hold me up such a Bain you see!
As I try moving my room spins on me!
What can it be?
But get up I must, crawling if I must be
But the effort is such leaving me so weak.
As I sit on my bed, the sun's talking to me...
Getting up you must be!
Hello, Mr sunshine!! won't you help me!
From the way am feeling today
Emptiness, within me...
So nice you came peeping through my window greeting me!
But my ass I can not move from my bed you see!
Is this what's coming to me!
This emptiness within me!
Wait!!
Wait for me Mr sunshine I am trying don't you see.
To lift my head from the pillow, without draining me
It's as if am at sea!
Bobbing on the waves nauseously.
Lying down best, option for me, until this feeling leaves me!
Looking out of my window, it's a beautiful day I see
Some lovely clouds white,
Rippling like white horses on the sea...
The sun's not waiting for me!!
It's moving away from me.
Such an effort holding this pen! weakness, that I feel in me.
It's like an ache in my being, not pain you see...
But off course you do not see!!
But get up I must make an effort within me...
Mr sunshine's still peeping at me,
Calling a calling to me...
Get Your butt from that bed
Come and dance with me...
Am here calling, calling you see !!
Thank's Mr sunshine I'll try truly I will...
If that gossamer lifts from my eyes
Impeding, not the vision from within...
Worshiping once again your scintillating ray's,
Dancing indolently in the breeze...
My arm's rising up to the sky's undulating as you go by
Worshiping that golden ball, it's ray's like a crown
Mesmerisingly,
High up, in my firmament...

                           By Connie James...












   

Through Paradise..

This Is rather an epic one...Just got carried away!! 

Through paradise didn't do me any good.
This morn my balance my senses, making me feel rather unstable
Can  not move about much, the room spinning on me
Can not eat, making me feel sick.
My body feels weary, achingly, my head belongs not to me
As I lie here trying to write, what I feel at this precise moment...
I know not, leaving me feeling meh!
With no strength in my bones...
Perhaps this virus is back...
Or could it be this palsy thing taking a hold of me!!
Taking the strength from me...
Yet yesterday I walked through the Jurassic coast
Far from the maddening crowds, the Purbecks of Dorset...
Such a beautiful day, as I crossed Lulworth Beach with the boats in the bay, 
Focusing my camera, with the vision before my eyes
Snapping a frame or two..then carrying on walking by.
With the help of my trekking poles, I climb that steep hill.
Stopping now and then, taking another snap or two!!
Getting to the top, my heart's in my mouth, as I take a deep breath.
As we carry on, at the top most of the world.
I stop and stare and before me the golden grasslands,
Dancing in the breeze...Undulating here and there
Like hands going through one's hair...
Like an ocean on land, dancing in the breeze indolently
As I stand there the vision before my eyes
It's a land unspoiled, as you look into the horizon far
It's beauty paramount with no other.
As we look into the distance of the Purbecks of Dorset
Such a special light around me, looking  into the distance far
The birds flying on the thermal winds,
Undulating floating swaying diving suddenly...the gulls screeching.
Reaching Mupe Bay...
Scanning over the bay, my eyes
Such a mesmerizing light filling the sight of my eyes
It's beauty unparallel...As we descend bellow to the beach  
There wasn't a soul in the world...not a boat to be seen

The long grasses blowing in the breeze as I passed through...
The feeling came to mind, that indeed I was in paradise.
Like the first man first woman, discovering a little cove
The sun was hot the breeze was cool,
Removed all clothing from my body
Just leaving something to cover my modesty.
As the boy goes swing, I lie down taking the sun
It felt so good, a warm sun-kissed breeze whispering over me....
Closing my eyes I feel...two blue eyes staring at me
That camera lens focusing on me...
Nothing seems to change.
Wading through those blue, blue waters just to cool me
Feeling like Eve in paradise with no one in sight,
In my topless body.
Walked as far I could go to the far end of the beach
Then back again wading through the sea,
Now and again a wave came to greet me...
Shrieking I cried as it knocked me, off my feet!!
The Sea was calm as a pool, casting my eyes,
Across the horizon far, not a ripple to be seen
The boy takes a final swim.
As I wade through to cool my frame....
Across the ocean the colour blue so blue.
Not a turquoise nor an aquamarine
But the deepest blue, like his eyes you've ever seen...
Was sorry, or not ready to leave that little paradise...
But all good things comes to an end...and so home we must go...
Climbing those steps up to heaven,
Steep so steeply...
Each giant step was an effort, if not for the help of my trekking sticks.
Finding myself on top of the world, once again I scan the view...
My heart in my mouth...Half-way through taking a breath or two...
Looking back that light, at that mesmerizing light
Set still before my eyes,
A light seen hardly ever emphasising the cliffs, the hills, the sea.
Right from the top of my world,
That mountain I had to climb, then descending
Yet again to the sea, it was a moment in time...
My feet trying hard to obey my mind
Between the Purbeck Coast of Dorset
And home...one more time...
I guess I've over done things just a little...
As my head's swimming, I can't move my feet
The room's spinning.
A touch of vertigo I think...But Why do I feel so, s..t-less
I ask you!!
I hope it's not that bloody palsy thing !!!
Indeed, I do! 

                                  By Connie James

• 
  

Monsieur Le Docteur...

Well, Monsieur le Docteur
I would have thought you'd leave my wall by know
Nothing exciting ever happens around here, no way.
So Monsieur le Docteur leave my wall won't you...
Am sorry I hit that button, bothering you...
Am sure you've better things to do.
You know!!! 
You seem to be a popular lad aren't you...
On my timeline, everyone's seems to be your mutual friend
Such a busy lad  !!!
Apart from your doctoring, what else do you do...
Or are you just too busy chasing the birds every which way you turn..
I know that even Doc's needs a little fun.
To make life's bearable after a busy day on the wards 
Tending to those that at times need's a kind word a smile 
From that young Doc that at times, has had enough  
Of the sorrow's that at times fill's his eyes his mind his heart 
With sadness within...
As you see...am a crap, poet...
Monsieur le Docteur !!!
Good night hope, the bugs don't bite 
You'll be alright if you smile sing, your worries away!!
With that camera stuck to your eye...
Who knows what next you'll photograph!!
Could be that bird that caught your eye
As you passed by those long corridors
Of your busy world
Whistling a happy tune.
Voila Monsieur le Docteur!!!

By Connie James

Go On Living..

Good Morning My World

Sun shining lovely blue sky's...
Few white clouds about much more interesting...
Like not a cloudless sky's!
So long they're not grey and depressing

This morning the sun shining on me!! such a good feeling.
Embracingly, gathering those rays that make's life's worth living...
Reaching up to the sky's stretching up gathering as I see before my eyes.
An illusion always not...As I reach and touch.
Maybe that elusive illusion dispersing  from my mind.
My, mind that at times, sees no reason...
I care not for illusions, or what my mind's sees!! at times disturbingly.
I'd rather stand my ground fighting for what I believe.
In the world, a just world where one can live, in love harmony
Each and every being.. Stepping out in this world.
And everything else in between.
Where one can think feel and say what's in one's mind.
Without causing offence.
At most time's minds in turmoil never known any different.
A shrinking flower I've never been..never will be.
Saying what's in the forefront of my mind.
Exaggerating not my feelings.
What I feel exults from the deepness within my mind my soul, my heart.
A heart that knows not the meaning... of pretending.
I pretend not when extolling my love for those in my life.
Those that sees what's in my heart.
A heart that at time's constricting the breath from my life...
My life that at times, in ambiguity hardly seems obsessive
From my day to day's dealings
Whether this illusion dissipating from me, I can not see.
Looking up to my sky's the brilliance before my eyes
Ambiguously...
Understanding that love.
That there'll always be love in my heart
Whether they're worthy or care not for my love.
It remains to be seen.
But impede I'll let it not, what's behind that gossamer of my mind.
My mind perpetually at times looking for a reason.
To go on living!

By Connie James...

Dancing Girl

The Dancing Girl


By firelight, I was dancing wild so wild

Dance and danced losing myself

In the flames of life!  

As I dance skipped and danced 

As if a tomorrow wouldn't come.

My body undulating the sound of those drums
That beat my brain transcending euphorically into a trance
I in a frenzy that beat getting to me
Arms, thrown raising to the sky's,
Whilst jumping over the fire was I
Leaving me ecstatic.
Whilst those applauding me by,
Jumping high and higher was I
Those drums beating, like a drug manically.
My senses my mind irrevocably without defences
Knowing, not it's happenings...
In trance-like was I dancing, for my life
Indolently I danced and danced like never before
I spied his eyes on me, his interest in me
His hammer chipping away
As I smiled at he indolently, as he carved away,
On that rock, my face my body
Extracting my soul,
From that very stone
Manically dancing woman swaying,
For her tomorrow indolently...
In her ambiguity swaying to and fro
Whilst he tirelessly sculpted her form from stone
So in love by then was he with she!
Forever framed the dancing girl immortalised
In a Muriel lost from a time, that time's forgotten
The sculptor, the dancing girl in a trance, their romance
Ageless here she lies
She who danced erotically
Artistically in truth, his best sculpture of she!
Moulding her his very hands felt her every sinew...
Crafting with love.
Their immortality forever carved in stone
The story of the dancing girl
Her sculptor...In love.

By Connie James...

Poetry In My Soul..

Looking at you from across the seine
As I stood looking at you, your smile wonderful
Looking so young 
You have the youth of youthfulness each time I look at you
That's when poetry's walked in,   
As the bells of  Notre Dam peeling away 
In evening song...Loving that sound 
Walking across the river where you stood 
Feeling hungry within 
But my hunger's for knowledge 
Time's never enough to observe, soak everything I see 
In my soul hunger lives, hunger from within.
Wonder the lovely faces each and everywhere you see 
Worshiping in the distances in between
Faces new seeing him rejuvenating in love 
Between us, love so true
As if the sky's so blue descending to kiss you 
Refrain you must not do. 
As the leaves from the maple,
The chestnut trees trembling in the breeze 
Their scent...Sheltering from the winds.
Walking across the way 
at that house I stopped, that green door I knew so well
For am not stranger there.
My home of old the yellow windows the green door 
Like a fairyland where once love lived in a distant dream
On the boulevards along the way that little cafe 
I sat, by the way watching life go by 
Sitting all alone, on his cycle he came by 
Smilingly he whispered my name I could not refrain 
But to smile into his eyes mesmerised that here am I 
That here am I as time passes by 
Returning to where it begun
I write and write again it's not easy 
In that book shop magically, I lose myself 
Amongst those books you can scent the knowledge 
Those books of old getting lost 
Intermittently, lost in times time flys.
But the hunger still within 
By the window, I stop reflecting seeing the image of him 
In the reflection before my eyes 
Standing behind  me, flowers held high with a grin 
The breeze lifting his hair like a whisper 
His face adorable
In the shades of the night the starlight looking into his eyes 
As time goes by 
I can believe not, am home.   

                                             By Conni James...