Life's Too Short.

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  I am what I am, have always been will always be this mad being that lives inside of me can not help-it if that's me, and its no good trying to contain me am afraid am the one that'll grow old disgracefully cause life's too short to take everything seriously everything in moderation, but over the top I can be because am what I am, not what they want me to be a black sheep I am , or so they'll say she even married a foreigner, oh what a disgrace she never does what she's told, no way asks too many questions, not always welcomed but if one doesn't , why did God give me a brain curiosity killed the cat, I've been told many a time before it drives me round the bend, and I never beat round the bush come strait to the point..is that a bad thing, or not if I haven't learned by now, I never will you see !! I am what I am this cheeky little beggar, that lives inside of me .. try containing her at your peril.  
•                                             Connie James
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In Perpetual Motion

In between the candle light and darkness
I often write about obsessions, the obsessiveness in ones mind
When one can not find peace find peace of mind
Amongst things that may be real or unreal, it plays havoc with our minds  
Capriciously or on a whim that its not real, none of it is real
In the legacy of my words obsessively or not
Is that one finds it hard to differentiate at will the enormity
Of what one sees whimsically or not, its beyond ones believes  
That power of words can be such, if ones not aware from the start  
It can play havoc in ones mind, as one stands proud in the rain of the night
Refreshingly after a hot day just letting it soak as one faces those tears from heaven
As the moon floods my little world, whispering winds over the river
Constantly flowing, just like my mind in perpetual motion its hard
As one walks those streets at dawn one can hear birds singing  
Like that humming bird taking its first sip like..from the morning dew
Ahh, my lips laden with that morning kiss that one can not resist
its engraved on ones mind, only when the silences speak
As one reads in there eyes the need to make love
Divinely or on a higher plateau soaring sky high
That tender touch as you look reading
what's going through their minds
Their minds in perpetual motion

                                  Connie James        

Ungrateful Lot.

Good morning world
It seems today it's going to be another 
meltingly oppressive hot day, why must we moan about it
we're never satisfied, are we an ungrateful lot or what 
to be unsatisfied with our lot, or is it just something to complain about
trouble is we don't have enough time to adapt, from one extreme to the next 
we can go butt naked, but we can not keep cool under any circumstances 
its seems awful I know, to wish for colder weather, yet everyone goes on about
huffing and puffing as we can not cope, with this excessive extreme weather
even the roads are melting the tar is melting away, I saw it Sunday in Osmington Bay...As we went trekking that Sunday day..The boy is on his element I must say
Talk about mad dogs and English men..going out in the midday sun
I guess we're lucky to say living by the coast, you get the sea breezes at least
as inland is much more oppressive, had I lived inland !! oh dear thank goodness we're not ..I have in my garden, a lot of shade, can sit under the vines that I grew overhead..so cool so nice.. the surroundings around is quite private..secluded, could go about al-fresco if so I wanted, instead I wear a bikini, a sarong to cover my modesty, just in case someone comes knocking on the door, as it has happened before, this delivery man waiting by the door you see..and I in a panic running around like a headless chicken by the time I'd cover off, he would have buggered off, and the boy needed those key rings those folders, what the heck says I as I opened the door..He did get an eye full not his fault I know, but did he have to stare, as I signed for the goods.. he delivered ..Uff.. I can still see the look in his eyes dirty old bugger said I.. these days not such a pretty sight to see, as gravity's going down south, but I can still hold my own, no doubt..
But when it's cold, at least we can still keep warm, by wrapping up against the elements, 
I really don't mind a nice bright sharp day, to keep the blues away
what I can't abide are those sad grey days, that sends my soul rock bottom
to the pits of hell; Now if we had a nice bright day all through the year, not hot not cold, just enough to hold my own; my own spirits in check.
Smile..its a nice hot day!! phew.

                                                 By Connie James

Gods Anger.

Wow... we've got a storm brewing here, thunder lightning
lashings of rain, its gone so dark, that it might as be night
and the thunder keeps coming, so loud over the house,
I jumped out of my skin, that when the excitement started
as I run getting the washing in, God's lost his temper,
his throwing the piano about, now the skies has opened its flood gates
its as if the monsoon has arrived, and the birds gone all quiet
as its pouring, pouring down, it seems my Acers are weeping
they look so heavy with the rain, as if there kneeling and preying
to stop all this rain, I myself feel like curling, curling under the duvet
just to hide from Gods anger, as his throwing the piano about
I usually go about when its storming, my face up in the air
my arms outstretched to the skies, as I do the rain dance, inspecting that storm
lashings, lashings of rain, falling upon me, and sheath lightning
covering the whole sky, its scary its exciting exhilarating too
its so electrifying, as my hair stands on end.
I've been told to grow up, you can't chase a storm
what if you get struck by lightning, what will I do if your gone
but there's this wildness in me, its always been there
my heart somersaulting, jumping out of my chest
I must be a child of the storm, the lightning the thunder and the rain
one must have just a little bit of excitement in ones life.
mine its excitement of a storm...Yah I must have a screw loose, do you think...

This was taken yesterday in the rain, the camera went foggy
but just listen to the sound of the birds...lovely.

Live Or Die !

As I lie here with my thoughts, I really couldn't care not
Whether I live or die ! I lie here on my bed thinking why did I wake up!
Its not the first time I felt like this, for I want not to stay in a world such as this
A world with so much pain so much sorrow, I can-not see a tomorrow for me
My heart's full of sorrow, I can-not go beyond this impasse in me
Why must I stay.. when my soul wants to fly away, from the s..t they've made, of this world
Yet here I lie caring or not whether I live or die !!
Shame on you says the other side of me, there's a lot out there you see
They didn't want to die !! its a beautiful world you see, its only the humanity, that destroys
But my soul can not escape the destroyers of my world, as they try to bleed me dry.
They just take, take give nothing in return, they squeeze squeeze...until there's nothing left to give
My world is beautiful I know, but with out the people in it, with their vacuous wants
Its only them that counts, first and foremost..
Am not blind say she, I can see the beauty surround me, from the mountains to the sea
The valleys so green in this land of ours, from the rivers and plains undulating everywhere
Sometime calm, sometimes angry just like me, frothing at the mouth in anger you see
When one sees the selfishness in people..with this me me me, Attitude.
Aren't I allowed myself at times to-be me !! wanting some peace, recognition in the things I do.
Yet here I lie caring or not whether I live or die !!
As the undulating rivers flowing calmly, sedately to the sea in that expanse
That miraculously stays, never coming over its boundary's ,unless when its stormy.
From the green grass to the trees, the birds to-the bees the animals that one sees living in harmony,
Such wonder before ones eyes, the panorama stretch before you...Gods work in its magnificence
Just wish that He, would work his magic on me, so I wouldn't feel whether I'd rather live or die.!!
"Sorry People."
                                      Connie                                        

         
 

You Made Me Feel.

Went walking the Jurassic Purbeck's, down Dorset way
It was such a lovely day to go trekking you see...
So I made a picnic, for the old boy and me, so we set down our way
with the gear that that we needed, trekking boots and poles, and sun hat too.
cause the sun was up, very early in the day, sun tan factor 40 is a must you see
cause I hate being burned...it's not so clever, the old boy never bothers I tell him off yet again
one of this days your going to regret not listening to me.
It was a nice walk, once we got going...I cant believe what the hell, I forgot my camera
We started at Osmington Mills...trekking right across Ringsted Bay
 It was quite an easy trek, I'd say...we always end up on the beach
where the old boy goes swimming...he swims like a fish, he's a good swimmer
I just wish I could swim, even just a little...I've had countless lessons, over the years
But its no good am terrified not being able to find the bottom...so I panic and is over
My friend says I can, but I've no confidence you see...so I just go paddling or hang on to a float...

As the you go swimming, I lie down to take the sun, as a warm sun-kissed breeze,
whispering over, me it felt so good, that in my mind I saw you, who else could-it-be
hovering over me, with your sun kissed lips...whispering depositing those featherlight kisses.
I in a dream land as the kissing started, I look at you with love in my eyes, it was no surprise.
With dreamy eyes as I cling on to you... like never before like there wasn't a tomorrow
the whispering more insistent I begged you.. make love to me..
As I kissed your lips your eyes, and the hunger from within..the sighs.
I've been starved of love such a long time until you writing your verses of love, your verses of poetry,
You filled my mind my heart, with feelings I didn't know existed, feelings that hurt
feelings causing havoc in my life..that until then seemed to-be-okay
The tears, the silent tears, flowing as one sits hurting, waiting for the pain to disperse
And at times I transcending into a mire of lust, inexplicably sluttish, "till then didn't exist"
so green was I, but your words penetrating my mind becoming unsatisfied, with things as I knew it
you made me feel, with my mind my soul, as the whispering started I became this thing,
with you on my mind continuously...what chance did I have as you looked at me.
with that glance, hypnotising  mesmerising me and I pretending not to see
This obsession, the obsessiveness in me, as I waited for your words obsessively
my mind didn't have peace of mind, Oh what was I to-do...as I lie in the sun,
in the warm sun-kissed breeze, whispering over me...
You made me feel extraordinary.
                            By Connie James

                        

Happy Birthday Edgar.

HAPPY BITHDAY EDGAR

Today it's my baby's birthday, my second born,
Edgar, we named him, like the very first king, born
He is this unique person that God bestowed on us
He is flesh of my flesh, blood, of my blood, bone of my bone.
A very happy birthday my darling, this is you day
You know, you are very special to me, in every which way
You've a heart made of gold, in your actions we can see
As you care for others, tenderly...others worse than, you
You lend a shoulder an arm, to those who may need you
And unselfishly you give you time your love, even when others
look down an-understandingly at your kindness, or let's say
They don't understand your way...but come what may,
Your beautiful soul will win the day.
The beautiful music that you compose,

Coming up from your heart your, soul

Don't know where it all comes from, but it's in the genes,

I should say,

It's in your blood, to make music, don't you know 

Your Grand Papa also made music, I've said before, 

Like you, it was engraved in his heart in his  soul, 

The need to make music, appreciated by all.      
The proud way you stand looking those in the eye,
In adversary or not, your always there to give a hand
Your heart of gold will take you a very long way, for the way you care.
We can see in your eyes the sadness you carry within you,
You, not alone my darling, am here always just in case you need me.
But you can not, carry on your shoulders the troubles, of the whole world.
Your sensitiveness to those around you... in their need
But they don't know that heart of gold, that you carry within you...
But my dear darling son you're are my light, you are my sun, my stars...
You yourself is like that star high up, In the moonlit sky's,
At times when you come down, from high up in my firmament,
I can't always catch you as you come tumbling down,
When broken, hearted sorrow filling your heart your soul,
You're always aware of others needs, before your own
So my darling, after all, it's said in here, I love you with my whole being
To the core of my soul...May God bless you with happiness in every which way
I just wish you a very very happy birthday, have a wonderful day.
Tiamo my darling XXX  

Obsessive Words

My hands obsessive with words, these words am writing to you
Those words am spilling out, those words that are on the tip of my tongue
Those words am keeping back, from spilling out
They are just between you and me, I've come a long long way
Just to speak to you, but you are nowhere to be found
As I stand by the Ganges, whispering where are you my love, where are you..
My eyes are full of dreams, whilst my feet are bleeding
Coveted, in the distances, my eyes, my dreams
The monsoon rain that came upon me, soaking me through and through
As the silvery moon came out, surprising me with, with that touch
That only you can touch, am completely wet through and through
I loved that feeling, that feeling I remembered so well
As we talked from morn till night,  You with the sea dust, over you
Like that ancient sailor, that goes from point to point never missing you
Tunnel vision blinkered, not noticing that silence between my love and me
Like the petals, from that Rose, that red, red Rose with that heavenly scent,
That I've brought for you, the Rose that I throw in the Ganges, as I spoke you name
Whispering why don't you my, love, just kiss me as you speak words of love
From way, above that mountain high to the glorious Ganges where people bathe religiously...
And I a Poet in the rain, calling out you name...calling you.

Himanshu.

Well, my dear Himanshu, you're a tease you know
When you said you'd display your wrack online when the Germans won it
You left me out cold with an imbalance in me, cause your such a tease
So I was left with cold David's wrack to glance, admire my minds in a mire
That cold David's Wrack did not, even with that six pack did nothing much, leaving one's cold
Here's that Poem I promised you, for I always keep my promises ...Hahaha.
               
                                      "So it goes like this."

Wow, here he goes Himanshu strutting his stuff, displaying his wares
Well I never, don't make me laugh, the boy has a beautiful wrack
Displaying for all to see...that lovely wrack of his...
He's been waiting, such a long time, to display his wrack online,
With a bet if Germany won ...He'd go butt naked, and plaster it all on FB
I'll hold you to that Himanshu said I... I would not let him forget every chance I had,
When Germany beat the shit out of everyone... With a come on!!  Germany...
This added to his of superiority, the boy so sure of himself that proud stance of his
With a gait in his walk wicked, look in his eyes, as he looks at his world
With arrogance, in his ways, I can see him smiling and saying, aren't I Gods gift.
To the women of this world In every which way..
Winking sticking his tongue out, with that devil may care look, of his.
You better have a six-pack, like David in his pose, in the Roman days
So start pumping iron and do a press up or two to retain that wrack
Like David's in every way...everything contained, nothing spilling out
For we don't want any floppy bits about...hahaha by the way
So I pray and hope that Germany wins...
To see the boy in all his glory displaying his wares...
If he needs an excuse, then this is it...
Come on Germany, says she in wickedness and a smile :-)
To see if the boy really will do the full Monty... for the whole of FB to see !!      
With much disappointment, the boy did not share, the show time that he promised
wasn't anywhere...left him off the hook...oh well what the heck..

Quiet Please.

Quieten down, O brain of mine, why don't you quit thinking
You're always in trouble and strife, from those that understand not 
The way your mind is working. As they refuse to listen, 
They don't listen to you, how could they !!
They're not inside your head, the crap that's inside this brain of mine 
As you turn it inside out, you don't like what you find
In the pits of your mind as you struggle day in day out,
To understand one's own mind, whether its thinking or not, most times not,
Am an impulsive being, acting instinctively acting without thinking,
That's what's makes, me the way I am.. this infallible being inside of me
Or so they make you believe it, to life as one knows it.
As if one's this empty shell, with nothing contributing,
But with these feelings running so deeply, like no one's business
Inside your head you're screaming, let me out, I want out of here,
At times am scared of the visions in my mind, but no one finds the time
To talk skirting round or skipping-it..lets not talk about, about it,
so my mind's in turmoil, for the ones I've loved forsaken me, or not.
Now, it's immaterial..it matters not, anymore.
So quieten down oh brain of mine, you're on your own you know.
Am human, don't you know, whether you like it or not.
My God gave me a brain, so I guess it's okay to use it
Am here, until my God, or Lucifer decides my times up.
Whether my brain is thinking or not, of all the shit that's, going round,
And round your head, the emotions inside of you, you can control not
So please brain of mine quieten down. I can't cope with the downs
For my heart is crying out, for release from my mind,
that's turning me inside out, from everything I hold dear in my life.
From my family my friends, that chose to be there for me, or not
But my mind refuses, will not let me forget..
When things were beautiful.
So, shut up brain of mind, and just let me be.

                            By Connie James

Feeling Sorry For Oneself ...

I can feel the tears ...behind my closed eyes
As am in mourning for my friend, of such a long time
Its not as if he was dead. but he might as well have been
For the the pain in my heart, the constriction in my throat, my soul 
Why do I allow myself, to feel this way 
Its not as if ...he and I were ever on the same plain 
I've come to the conclusion, that one has no one 
but oneself to depend on, but when one depends on others
It just brings heart ache and pain, in my mind my soul
I never seem to learn that people are infallible, I guess including me
But I just wanted a friend, to be on my side to listen to my woos
To share the good the bad times, to laugh and cry, to whoop to ahh
When things goes right or wrong...
Why do-I allow myself, to feel this way, I guess am a pain in the ass
In every way...But am always there for my friends come what may
Trouble is they do-not reciprocate,when its the other way
When one needs an ear...a shoulder to cry on
There're always to busy, for one to depend on
Unless there-is some thing , they want from you
Otherwise, go and find some other shoulder, to blub on .

Deep Pool's, Of Your Eyes

As I kiss your eyes your lips, I feel a tremor within you
As I kiss your mouth your throat, you open your eyes
The explosion within you, as you hold me tight
Close so close to you, as if you'd never let me go

Your looking at me mockingly, as if you needed me not
But I can read your mind, the look in your eyes
Its enough to realise, that indeed you are the one
That sets my mind alive, my blood on fire with your words of love,

Your verses of poetry... Your eyes deep pool like
So dark and mysterious, I immerse myself in am lost, forever lost,
I can't to extract myself, from the deep pool of your eyes
Where I feel safe, in the enclosure of your arms, so welcoming.

It gladdens me to know, that your thinking the same as me
When it comes down to our feelings. But yours are far, far from mine,
Wearing  mine on my sleeve for the world to see, the sight of you is enough
To have stars in my eyes. Can not help-it that's just me  

Although you say you need me, but only when it suits you
Don't you realise that I'm sitting here tight, waiting waiting, for a word from you.
Then I see your light, as the tightness in my heart, I realise
That you were there all the time, and me sitting here tight, waiting,

Waiting for a word from you,  your never there when I need you
Do you know not my love... you made me feel this way
But am tired of feeling tired of you, you only come when you,
Need propping up physically or emotionally.  

But I love the deep pools of your eyes, they are keep a, calling to me
When I am standing before you, I forget everything I feel so alive, with you on my mind.
As I look into your eyes, the  mischievous stance that proud gait in you
Its enough to realise the ambiguity that uncertainty in my mind, for ever lost.

As you make love to me with yours eyes, am hypnotized
the enormity of my love, am mesmerized I can forgive you anything
But bare in mind my love, there's so much I'll stand for
But when am with you, you are everything here and now.

That little spring where I was born, contained right above me
Its the spring that gave me life, but I was in a limbo
I was locked for all eternity...Until you came and throw away the key,
You made me feel again, with your deep pool eyes,
Know not why I feel this way...My mind my heart my soul.                              

                                            By Connie James