To Begin The Biginning

To begin the beginning

The door opened at first light as he walked in.
Had to brace, myself from the morning cool breeze.
Ahh!! I closed my eyes, as I inhaled the scent of him
Couldn't believe he was standing there before me...
Looking so magnificent so knowing so dangerous
We stood facing one another, for what seemed an eternity
I stood there with a shy smile on my face uncertain of what to do,
So I just followed his lead!
Finally, I held my hand to touch the contours of that
Much desired face, to touch to feel to want!
He just stood there,daring me doing absolutely naught
Letting me explore.
So with uncertain hands, I explored every inch of he...
Was mesmerized by this man godlike,standing before me...
With this mesmerizing look, in his eyes...
Hypnotizing me!!
I felt myself awakening,as from a deep sleep
Wanting to touch ,wanting what I knew not
But he knew how to play me, like a harp so sweet
The waves of sensation that was driving through, me
I prayed o lord, please let it not stop...
Yet I held back, for I knew if I didn't
I'd be forever lost forever lost...
This awakening has left me feeling weak
Forever in my mind recalling the feeling
Recollecting, wanting to repeat exploding through my brain
The sensations he put me through, help can not
Leaving me wanting of what I wasn't sure,
There must be more, much more!
To repeat the experience, terrified me, for I knew
I wouldn't hold back Innocent was I,
I had this wanting in me
Wanting to feel the sensations,
Abandoned in the regions of my mind
Holding me back, left me wanting much more
Through the process never going, as if punishing me
Why won't you go away, you're just tormenting me!
Yet again he held me, sensing my uncertainty
With a knowing look in his eyes smilingly said he
just looking out for you, my love
Worry not, It'll keep, it'll keep...

By Connie James

Let It Be

Love's a funny thing
So true...
But at times love alone is not enough!
But lessons, must be learned to love those that loves us not !!??
Not easy I'll say...
Cause when I love, I love with all my heart,
The very core of me!
It's so hard when one loves, & reciprocated it's not....
Be it lovers love or siblings love!
But I love all the same way with an intensity that hurts, 
When they care for you not anyway! 
& your heart bleeding shredded & in tatters 
You utter screaming out, how dare they! Making me bleed this way!
Can't they see you're breaking up when they dispose of your love! 
Luckily I've had to fight not for a lovers love, 
I was so green in my day, all I needed was one love, not greedy anyway...
But love's a funny thing when you think you need much more than you need! 
Playing funny tricks your mind 
When you wished you'd experience different things in your life. 
Misguidedly thinking you've missed something 
The difference you'll never know no, way!  
Fighting with your mind when you think you need more than you need! 
Like an obsessive obsession, growing wild in one's mind...
But when loves, goes wrong, sit bleeding your minds not your own...
All of the time fighting one's mind  
Let it be! 
But when an obsession gets hold of you must follow through, 
Deeply into the recesses the extremities of one's mind...
Whether be it logical or not one's minds care's not...
But look into his eyes, & smile for all your worth, 
With the love light in your eyes...
Love's a funny thing! 
When you sit hurting tears flowing from one's eyes...
But especially, painful is a sibling's loves dying, 
Carrying not whether they're hurting you or not 
Even when you love them with all your heart...
I guess your not worthy of their love!

                    By Connie James

Asking Why!

Yah! Wrinkled,

But he still has his hair !
There's sadness in his eyes must be a hundred plus...
Must have had many a dream, in his life
Must have seen wondrous beautiful things before his very eyes ...
Must also, have seen awful dreadful times in the passage of his life...
He must have loved & being loved in return
With a passion possible, he thought not
His eyes must have cried many a time
Fighting for his little corner of his world,
With a tenacity steadfast in his mind
He also must have laughed sang and danced at every chance,
The love light dancing in his eyes...
For when one's young and foolish one cares not at any time
Whether one should laugh sing and dance, one just does
When music's playing in our minds our heart's lifting our spirits high
The wondrous sight's he must have seen,
Travelling, through life's many a dream, he must have had...
The lines upon his visage like a map,
Deeply rutted with the passage of time
Like chariots running over time leaving indentations
In the streets passing through the recesses of his mind
Giving up not but foraging through life as one does...
Each line tells a story, of pain or glory in his mind's mind.
Hopefully, a life well lived at most times...
It hurts to gaze upon such a visage
Bringing tears to my eyes
Cause I see terrible sadness in his mind his eyes
At times within me, I feel such sadness as he
As I see the emptiness the look in his eyes
Knowing not, how one looks when there's sadness in our eyes
Combative my mind becomes fighting for all am worth
Bet, he felt such as me fighting all and sundry in his minds mind
Wonder if has his kin to relieve his troubled mind
Taking away the sadness from his eyes
Deeply ingrained in the recesses, of his mind...
Maybe, a lost soul wondering where his folks gone
Leaving him all alone as he wanders the streets of his mind
Empty just like his heart his soul!
As he wanders from street to street highways and byways
Hope extinguishing from his mind he's heart
Catch with his folk he can not, matters not how hard he try's
The roads starring at him are as empty as his heart
And his mind cries, in the extremities of his mind he cries!
Bittersweet tears flowing from the regions of his mind
Constricting the very breath from he
As he looks upon his skies & asks why
Why am all alone without a hope in the world
Of finding those he loved,
Whilst I slept abandoning me!
Or was he such a scoundrel
To be left all alone in his word
Asking Why?

By Connie James

Far, Far Away

In the darkness,
The greyness I so abhor staring at me, 
That ache right inside of me
As if my heart is tightening the very life from me! 
Sitting here 
You're on my mind always on my mind
But you my darling are so far away from me
I cannot bear looking into your eyes so blue
Gazing into your face mesmerising-ly
In my mind's eyes, I see you
An illusion, it's true
For I know in my heart
That you're there if only on my mind!
But darling wishing it were true
Wishing you were thinking of me
Loving me slowly unhurriedly
In the darkness of my nights
My lonely nights
Wishing you'd, kissed me
Darling kiss me!
There are tears falling from my skies
My skies so dark, in the night of my night's
Endure can not the ambivalence in me wanting me!
Far, far away,
Yet my mind cries out kiss me darling kiss me,
Won't you...Kiss me!
Love to see your blue, eyes discerningly
Smiling making love to me!
But my darling why do you keep away from me!
Yet I feel you, wanting me!
Feeling your eyes caressing me
I can hear your voice that slight twang you see
Ringing in my ears like a symphony
Listening to your voice sending shivers through me...
That intonation I so love to hear
When you whisper closer to my ear
Step by step, sending me into a frenzy...
In the darkness of my mind euphorically,
In the darkness of my nights
My heart cries out for thee
But darling you're so far away from me
Obsessively, in my obsessive obsession of me
But my mind refuses to see
The desolation, the emptiness cruising, through me!
In my ambiguity, I see not the uncertainty in your eyes
That far away look killing me.
Taking the very life from me!
The moon full, in her bloom above me 
Her light shining upon thee
Stars Scintillating in my darkest of skies
Like a blanket
Recalling a memory of that night
We lay beneath that velvety dark sky
Wishing on that shooting star falling, across my sky's
My world my universe, you are my world
Ambiguity inherently in me
The ambivalence of my being
The irresponsibility!
So full of love my eyes the wanting in me
Across the ocean, I see darkness ominously
The swell, undulating angrily
Booming  upon the shore unforgivably,
The far side I can reach not thee
My world my world's crumbling on me...
And am praying, praying for you
To come to me!

                        By Connie James.

Fever in her eyes

Casting his glasses upon the sands
Whilst cavorting was he
There was Hugo cartwheeling on the sands
His tanned beautiful body,
Such a sight was he! 
Impressing the birds across the bay
Whilst cavorting was he
One could say that'll teach he!
Having the time of his life he was
Until a she-devil spying on him
She fancied what she saw, chasing him for all she was worth.
Taking to his heels and fleeing
From that she-devil with fever in her blood
Hugo surrender would not
Running as fast as his legs would take him
Casting his glasses upon the sands...
As he took to his heels!
The windows to his soul the mirrors to his world
His glasses still lying there
Lost, upon the sands...
In silhouette, I can see him through the glass lens of his eyes
But see he could not having, lost his glasses upon the sands 
Frustration shifting through his mind,
As he stood up to fight, with anger in his eyes
But she-devils stronger than he, she had the devil in her mind
Desist she would not, having her wicked way with he,
Fever in her blood that demonic she-devil
With fever in her eyes!
Taunting him mercilessly in his face was she!
Changing his mind giving her, a piece of his mind
Giving her a what for...
Satisfied a smile in his eyes
Coming down to the crunch, his glasses he needed not
Sorting out that she-devil
With the fever in her eyes
The boy with the coolest body,
And sexy eyes...

By Connie James

My Hero...

My Hero 

All quiet and peaceful through the night,
Walking silently around my city, 
Where I once met papa coming from, his music practice 
In heaven's name, what you're doing here, 
Isn't it time you were at home  
Silently I nodded as I looked at him
I won't be long!
Hands in pocket's, I walked on, looking left nor right
Head bent with my thoughts
Enjoying the solitude just me by myself
The air fresh on my face as I walked on
The coolness of the night soothed my troubled mind
Walking on with a spring in my step, as if!
I heard Papa playing, a lovely piece of music.
Picking up speed, as I walked faster and faster...
With the music, I could not catch up
I was all of a flutter,
So I took to my heels and run
Ran and run like lightning
I was running in slow motion, so it seemed; 
I could not catch up with Papa
As I ran round the corner there he was
Standing by the street lamps
Eliminating his features in half light
His silhouette gossamer-like in a dream
The air was thick with the scent of the Eucalyptus,
Intermingling with the Pine
The scent was so heavy,
That I thought I was in a dream
Papa, papa I uttered in a scream
Will flowing tears I walked on
With the brightness of the moon for company
I knew there was no Papa
Awaiting, round the corner for me!
My hero
By Connie James.

Air Of Madness

Madness is in the air surrounding all around me
That madness that drives one implicitly on
Without rhyme or reason,
Searching that un-forgetful image
Deeply rooted in one's mind
Whether it'll be real or imaginary,
That obsessive need searching deeply
Into the recesses of one's mind
Not just the shadows but the truth residing
Attaching deep into one's soul...
What one visionary sees, or believes one sees...
That vision, one's been searching such a long time.
Crossing that unforgetful road
Deeply rooted in the regions of my mind
Stepping upon that portal of all times
Where once love lived in the extremity's, of my mind
Standing, there tears welling up but refusing to shed
Remembering, forgetting not how good it used to be
Just then, the moon in her full bloom
Hidden behind her gossamer veil,
Casting her magic upon his visage so clear in my mind
Shining on that unattainable beloved face,
That's ingrained forever in one's mind
But yet again is it real, or just imaginary
But caring one does not
As one finds oneself uttering words,
In ones constricted throat
I love you...

                      By Connie James 

Beneath The Silvery Moon

Believe I could not it was you standing there
Just holding my stare
Was mesmerized by you,
Every few passes kept glancing back at you
You said not a word, just staring my way
I was sure in my minds mind it was you, yet
It seemed to me you were avoiding me
Waiting for me to go on by!
Within me, I had this feeling it stayed with me for some time!
Could not get you out of my mind...
I could believe not that you passed by without uttering a hi!
Can bear not as you pass by without a phrase a word uttered
So hard to entertain, difficult to frame
Words running through my mind
From a stranger phrases much easier to obtain
At the alley, I saw you as you came through
Rustling the autumn fallen leaves
And in the misty fog, you looked blue
Through those magnificent grand door's you exited through
Shivering looking at me so cold, winter penetrating you
That cold winters day the darkness seeping through
The evening setting sun casting it's shadow on you
You looked to me as I haven't seen before
So dapper so debonair..
And I looking for a reason to get closer to you
But I needed no reason, just an excuse a reason
Just to touch you
Beneath the silvery moon
In the silence of the night, the winds came out to play
And I held you close to me thus
Tonight I held my hand cupping your head,
Standing close as we begun to dance, moving slowly as one
Those intricate steps the new craze, all round.
I held you tight as we shimmered about the room, just you & me
But as the music take's hold our minds in a fog,
As we dance and danced without a thought in the world
Our minds so attuned to the music, no time to whisper and say
After such a long time, we're drifting away
With memories of what I never said, nor will say
Giving me not a chance to say...Please stay.
Towards the river we'd walk, like many times before
Where we'd spend the night, by the lantern light the fort so far away
Something else on my mind, before you go away
Just sit beside me so I can see you your face, inhale the scent of you
Touch you again and again, for when your away from me
I shall exist not completely nor happily without you
In the night of my nights, I'd often recall, that night of all nights
When we were fancy, free, there will never be such a night
That night when we made poetry...

                       By Connie James 

Beneath The Silvery Moon

Believe I could not it was you standing there
Just holding my stare
Was mesmerized by you,
Every few passes kept glancing back at you
You said not a word, just staring my way
I was sure in my minds mind it was you, yet
It seemed to me you were avoiding me
Waiting for me to go on by!
Within me, I had this feeling it stayed with me for some time!
Could not get you out of my mind...
I could believe not that you passed by without uttering a hi!
Can bear not as you pass by without a phrase a word uttered
So hard to entertain, difficult to frame
Words running through my mind
From a stranger phrases much easier to obtain
At the alley, I saw you as you came through
Rustling the autumn fallen leaves
And in the misty fog, you looked blue
Through those magnificent grand door's you exited through
Shivering looking at me so cold, winter penetrating you
That cold winters day the darkness seeping through
The evening setting sun casting it's shadow on you
You looked to me as I haven't seen before
So dapper so debonair..
And I looking for a reason to get closer to you
But I needed no reason, just an excuse a reason
Just to touch you
Beneath the silvery moon
In the silence of the night, the winds came out to play
And I held you close to me thus
Tonight I held my hand cupping your head,
Standing close as we begun to dance, moving slowly as one
Those intricate steps the new craze, all round.
I held you tight as we shimmered about the room, just you & I
But as the music take's hold our minds in a fog,
As we dance and danced without a thought in the world
Our minds so attuned to the music, no time to whisper and say
After such a long time, we're drifting away
With memories of what I never said, nor will say
Giving me not a chance to say...
Please stay!
Towards the river we'd walk, like many times before
Where we'd spend the night,
By the light of the moon & the lantern light swinging in the breeze
Something else on my mind, before you go away
Just sit beside me so I can see you your face, inhale the scent of you
Touch you again and again, for when your away from me
I shall exist not completely nor happily without you
In the night of my nights, I'd often recall, that night of all nights
When we were fancy, free, there will never be such a night
That night when we made poetry...

                       By Connie James 

Look at Me!

Look at Me!

Look at me won't you look, at me!
Can you see not the love light in my eyes?
Each time I see you into overdrive I go,
I become this thing control cannot my mind
Each time I see you gazing at me the way you do
Having no defences as you smile looking at me
Ecstasy within me, as you touch me with your eyes
The correlation between you & me Ahh!
Believe I cannot the euphoria within me
My eyes wanting you begging you
Won't you love me like yesterday
When, love was our way!
At arm's length, you keep me
When I so want you to love to me!
Into the vision of my eyes, you came to me gloriously
Just to be gone in a blink of an eye,
Dispersing before me!!
Crying out, no!!
Stay & love me like yesterday!
Flittingly always in a hurry you see
Within me, my tears flowing like a river
Dispersing to the sea & you're not there to carry me.  
In the recesses of my mind am screaming    
Why must he!
Why must he have this effect on me?
Control cannot this river within me
Angry wild destroying carrying all in front of me
Uprooting from my heart roots
That I attended so carefully deeply within
That touch I remember
Touching me sending me into a frenzy
Your eyes burning wild
Bu this wildness this primitiveness in me
Control I cannot forever irrevocably on my mind
This thing between you & me
Must be inherently within me
An aberration cannot be
On top of my world, I'll always be
As I look across the pond at he
As you're whispering endearments of love
Control can not these feelings
My primitive feelings, of love or lust!
I know not! no, never before experienced
Obey me my mind will not
Somersaulting my heart, at the sight of you...
Am all at sea as I gaze at he
Somersaulting my heart skipping from me
His blue eyes gazing at me intently
Disperse from me this feeling will not
Matters not how hard I try...
Making love his eyes euphorically sending me
Into a chasm, falling the differences between you & me
Dispersing through the precipice's of my minds mind  
Touching me, before darkness set's in  
Once again whispering this being within me.  
But this primitiveness in me
Unfurling my hair's for all to see
Help I cannot I can not help
This raw primitiveness
Inherently in me

                          By Connie James

Time Stood Still

If only time, stood still when am with you
But in a blink of an eye,
Time passes through my love!
It's impossible to say whether time
Has flown by for you & me
But time seems to fly by when am with you.
At the lake, side you stand feet deep
Water lapping at your feet
Going blue your feet with the cold
But you noticed none of it.
Beneath the Aravalli, the winds hissing through
The air cascading through the hills,
As am hugging you.
Fleetingly kissing your lips I tried its true
But from across the street retreating shadows
Leaving me feeling uneasy
Hiding behind the Autumn, dewy trees
Nakedly in the wind.
The desire to touch you to have you close to me
To make you mine completely an impossibility I feel
Across the bay sails unfurled a sailing boat floating by
Once again wishing I was stepping upon those foreign shores
The Palace across the way,
The silvery moon I could swoon, as I set eyes on you
Breathing inhaling the very essence of you
Beneath the Aravalli the lights twinkling, across the away
The forts forgotten beyond an age, times passed not easy to say
My pages I've written with you in mind
But the words come not easy to me.
But the legacy of knowing you loving you as I do.
Leaving me sad at times, that frozen look, on your face
The meals we've shared in our struggling through our days
The scented room with those roses of old
Where we once again would be making love
Searching you the scent of you I remember so well
But answers I have none whether be they grey or white
Am just like the stranger passing through the night
My words come not easy in the lateness of the night
Touching you feeling you in the darkness of my nights
Loving you!
The shimmering reflections by the lakeside I see
Clearly, I can see the image of he
In times past real time unfazed times
Existing in my mind
I can finally write
Tonight my best-est lines...
For you!

 By Connie James...

Connie James – 5 star

Kimmeridge Bay...The Jurassic Coast
I've been coming to Kimmeridge It seems forever, for at least forty odd years
I never get tired of the place... We usually trek from the top most before you get to the village right down to the shore...As you stand on the cliff side, to the right there are oil fields the oil donkeys pumping up and down I guess extracting the oil, that's looking west...If you chose to go west you'll come upon, Worbarrow Bay such a lovely bay with the village, Tyneham village that's been taken over by the MOD during the war...Now it's a complete wreck nothing left apart from the church and the school...But if you, chose to stay around Kimmeridge, you won't be bored...You can spend a few hours, simply relaxing picnicking...Looking for fossils, I've photographed so many fossils, as you walk along the beach, going, East I have seen dinosaurs imprints kind of three claws Must say this was a few years ago...No matter how much, I search haven't been able to find it since
There's quite a bit of landslide's in the area rocks falling all the time...Bellow the rock face great big, boulders that, has fallen over time from the cliffs above ...So easy to walk along stepping from rock to rock. like crazy paving all sorts of shapes and sizes and as you go along the waters edge crystal clear waters...Limpets adhered firmly to the rocks and winkles & crabs galore...
It's so nice after a long trek on a hot day to just disrobe and lie on one of those flat rocks taking the sun Bliss! Then going to the waters edge cooling yourself down,
I used to clamber over those rocks whilst pregnant with both my boys...
Such a beautiful and calm place...For everyone.
My own boys loved fishing for crabs dangling a line on to the rock pools...
using ham from their sandwiches or the odd limpet or two!
Now your not allowed to pick limpets, as too many people's abusing picking them to eat...
Kimmeridge hasn't changed much over the years, Its still very wild and beautiful
One can imagine feral man people of yore going along foraging hollering to one another, as they stepped from stone to stone...
ttttttttt5tIt's such a mesmerising coastline...as I stand camera in hand photographing
Ammonites, scattered everywhere the strata on the rock face...the wildlife the plants...nature abounds everywhere. Its an an-spoilt coastline from Swanage right over to Lyme Regis...It's a truly awesome place to be...
Now I bet your sorry, asking me to tell you all about Kimmeridge...
Apologies Folk I do go on & on & on !!!


Connie James ...:-)

Blinding Me!

You've gone away from me
Feeling your loss so keenly.
Lying here thinking of you,
You that gives me reason to live
Insidious thoughts running through me
Surrendered my life momentarily
Can-not, breathe can not think can not sleep
Your roots growing deeply within me
But see you, I can not darling
The longings that I have for you
Your like that fountain I drink from,      
That very spring where I was born;
Seeing you, being with you;
Me, that needs you as I do, passionately
An unbelievable passion that primitiveness in me
You bring out that neanderthal in me
Seeing you across from me
Running wild my thoughts insidiously
In my primitiveness, I feel you; I feel you within me
Your eyes deep blue pools
Like that ocean before me, gazing at me
The hunger within me for you
Like a hurricane passing through,
Causing havoc within my mind
The nearness of you I feel you closer to me
In the darkness of my night's I want you, loving me!
I need you to hold me tight
Love me true as I would you
But darling you're so far
So far from me!
Lying here on my rock
With the ocean's white water's crashing through
Lulling me into peacefulness swaying in a dream;
But my mind won't let go of you
Fleetingly from dream to dream:
That little cove where we made out, hungrily;
As if we were Adam & Eve it's true...
Much too busy our hands; Exploring
Overflowing my mind with love for you
Or was it lust? In my restfulness, for you
You came from the sea gazing at me;
My eyes blinded from, the brightness exhuming from you
Scintillating upon the waters, casting little stars
My eyes so full of you, as you,
Slithered up to me as in a dream!
In your stance, you were smiling that gossamer behind you.
Missing you my lovely, don't you know
The very core of me!
Your roots I can feel growing through me
As I hold you, close so close;
Loving me,
But darling you are so far away from me!
Unfocused my mind can be.
Insidious thoughts running through me,
Like fire so wild!
Wild like my heart constricting me;
Quenching not me!
Into that gossamer, you go
Sliding just the way you came to me
A misty gossamer erupting from the sea's
Ocean's wild, in your eyes I could see, the opportunity;
If you were Neptune & I Venus, what would life be?
Or a mermaid, a siren roaming through the sea,s  
On this rock, I lie all the while waiting for He
But the brightness from, the sun's
Impeding that gossamer, from my eyes
Blinding me:

                      By Connie James...