Feeling Blue

Good Morning My World!

Feeling blue!
Heavy heart tearing me apart...
Sunrise simply manna before my eyes
Lifting that gossamer that's impeding me from visualising
You at this precise moment
There's a weight upon my soul
As if my whole world, crashing down on me!
I find I can not breathe
My heart feels tight so tight inside my ribs
The pain as if in sorrow for those that I miss
Feeling lost in the wilderness
No one's there no one sees no cares no one hears's
My torment!
As if my whole being crawling in the excrement
My mind my heart my soul in the abyss
Extract cannot this feeling of emptiness
Transcending into my life
Unable to see a life before me
Before darkness sets in
Flowing like a river it's raining in my heart
As if someone's wringing me dry
Arrest cannot the flow
Sun shining scintillating in my skies
Why must I feel hard done by...
As if am alone so alone in my world
The birds are singing
The leaves are dancing in the breeze
The washing set out to dry
Like bunting swaying in the wind
Yet my spirits are dragging me down
Low so low...I can do nought about it
Music I must put on
To extract from me this feeling of emptiness
Attacking me at this precise moment
Must pull, myself together
And see!
Whatever it will be!
 Will be.

By Connie James 

Within Me!!

WITHIN ME

Turmoil my lovely residing within me
For I can see you not in the recesses of me
You're not there you see!!
In the very depths of me, there's this need for you
To cast my eyes upon you drink the essence of you
You are!
That, star scintillating upon my skies
That altar, before me, worshipping you
& as I reach to touch your face with mine
Ruptures within me
Your the Stellar in my skies my world my life
you are intrinsically within me
Floating on a gossamer cloud as you touch me
Tentatively!!
For am lost in the extremities of my mind
As you kiss me one more time!
Fragmenting, in exaltation my mind my body...
Darling, I want to touch
I want to touch you too am crying out
In the recesses of my mind reaching through the euphoria within,
nothing but Infernal...  
Touch me!
Tentatively not, just touch me!!
Let your breath whisper over me
Whispering on to me endearments phrases of love
Let my blood boil the ecstasy burning my mind
This need in you, your heart beating a dozen at the time
& as I count your beating heart from one to nine
Exhilarating my mind amplifying,
resounding my needing, you in the regions of my mind
Into infinity am climbing into the recesses
into the very extremities of me
Reaching to touch the light in your mind your eyes
Incandescently to the touch
For their cool as ice & the colour of my skies
Melting between us the coolness of your eyes
It's there for all to see
As I reach & touch your heart your mind
Fibrillating under my touch your heart
Worshiping at the altar
that's essential to my life!!

                     Connie James

Must She Follow

Ahh! My lovely
I know that only Tarzan flies between the trees
With Jane on his back! & so great is he!
But my lovely you must know that Jane,
Tarzan she will follow at all time's...
In her curiosity outreaching was she, to touch him!!
Her world came crashing
From her perch, she was falling down
Swerving like that Phoenix swaying through the air
Grasping vine after vine, unimaginably the swiftness
Watching unnervingly his shadow for all to see!!
& like that Phoenix swooping through the air...
Aimlessly reaching, grasping at nothingness
Tryingly to catch he!! As in a game swerving, he'll be
Missing contact missing her aim, kissing the ground fast!
Whilst he stupefied lands beside's she on one knee bending
Now here she lies broken up face down
Easing around on to her back
Misery in his eyes as Jane's sprawled out
Fragmented her wings broken & like a Phoenix
Examining her fragile body lifting her up
Bruised battered her wings drooping down low
It takes every ounce of she, not to cry out her misery
Had she chased him not in his pickle she wouldn't be!
Each time she moves excruciatingly her body
Fragmented she'll be, chasing He!
Still sore her limbs, black & blue she'll be
But like his eyes the colour of her skies she must follow he
Looking into his eyes she's lost for all times
It take's every ounce of her not to kiss his eyes
As fragmented as she is;
In the eye's of her mind chasing he, in the extremities
An explosion of light pinging in her mind
As she reaches out to touch his mind with her's
At odds forever she'll be with he!
As He, taking off swooping through the air &
Like an Amoeba searching belong not anywhere
But her eyes her mind convoluted by his complexity
In her mangled state...
Pobrecita!!!

             By Connie James...

The Battle of The Vine...

After my onslaught this morning
I went in the garden to thin my vines
They were growing so dense & dark
If the grapes were to ripen the light needed to get in
So I thinned the black grapes no probs, much lighter
The light getting in between, the vine & grapes
Thing is I need to get on a ladder to do the job
They'll be a chance they'll ripen, a good job was done.
Then I move on to the next vine, white grapes lovely & sweet
I must be overreached somewhat, for I came crashing down!
Couldn't stop myself falling face down!
The pain was such I thought I broke my legs
The old boy & my son runs out, I couldn't move
Heard Mark saying don't move her...
Just leave me be! I told them
So one foot at the time I moved
Then turning myself around on my back
& moved one at the time my legs up & down
After a little while, they helped my up
Shaking somewhat!
Have huge bruises hurt my legs rubbed in copious amounts
Of Aloe Vera to help with the swelling
& Arnica cream for the bruising
Feeling rather painful, but I'll live!!
This is the second time I fall off the ruddy ladder
These vines are getting too much for me!!
They're going to kill me!!
Must just give them the chop before they do me!!        


Up dating
After yesterdays mishap am hurting quite a bit
My neck feels rather painful, under my left feels very sore
I've bruises on my thighs my knees are swollen painful I bruised
my shins are raw, bruised & hurting quite a bit...
Difficult to move...Had a good soak in fairly hot mineral water to easy the aches...
But I guess that I'll live...Thanks to those that empathise with me...Hilary & FB friends
But am sorry to say that Sis hasn't bothered to say anything!!
Just shows who your friends are!!  :-)
Don't say anything Sis!! I've got your number...

Sayonara!!

He came to me almost as in a mirage
In far distant lands
Suddenly he was standing before me!!
His hair flowing in the breeze;
He is manna, for my eyes
Adoring he!
In the extremities of my mind, I can see he
Burning intrinsically in the visions of my mind
My mind so full, for he
He's embedded within me
In the distant shores of Japanese seas, I see he!
Konnichi-wa my lovely as I passed by!
Standing before he!
Looking into his eyes drinking the essence of he
His hair the colour of the burning sun
His eyes, O' dear lord are killing me!
The colour of my, skies & the flax fields
In the distance, I can see
I compare He!
To my God, I adore He!!
My hands running through his hair
kissing the top of his nose
So appealing I find He!
His lips ripe as cherries, drinking the essence of He
My mind intoxicatingly!
Removing his shirt his body as toned as can be
I can feel every sinew in his body!
Smiling knowingly at the effect he has on me!
Such a beautiful toned body
Ahh' He knew!
He knew the effect he has on me!
Inside out my mind, in tatters always will be
I can not help the effect he has on me!
Walk in his shadow I'll never be
But right there beside's he
Atsui desu! Say's I
For I was burning embers in my mind
As I kissed He!
Right there on deck a weakness within me
A gossamer came over me, my mind
Focusing an impossibility
Reasoning I could not, be
All emotions running through me
Rupturing delirium in my mind
Lost in, in time euphorically...
I was lost and always will be
This effect He has on me!!
O-Yasumi nasai!!
Sayonara!!

               By Connie James

My baby's Birthday

My Guitar Man!!

Today's my baby's birthday, my second born
Just to wish you a very happy birthday
My lovely!!
He was a beautiful baby the apple of my eye
Now grown into a very handsome man
Still the apple of my eyes...
He has that way about him, the Ferreira's way...
The way he stands the way he stares that proud look in his eyes
He's a beautiful human being with a good heart...
There are no pretentions about he
He's a straight forward man with a golden heart
Putting those that need, he first & foremost
Questioning not the why's or why fore's
He's there to lend a hand those that need he!!
But my darling this is about you too
This life that has been given to you...
You, to come into the equation
This life is about you!
If you want the stars you must reach high & pluck
That star just beyond your reach...
You can reach really if you wanted to
Waste time not but grab every chance that comes your way
Let it not slip away!
Today's one of those many days awaiting you
Forage forward it'll show you each & every way.
You've got a musical soul it's in your blood
Adapt that music that you so love,
Spread it far & beyond the horizon far
Make it your very own retaining that sound.
I know you work tirelessly to achieve that sound.
That resides in your, minds mind
But life is for living too, let it not slip away
I know it's at the very core of you!!
When I hear you composing it fills my heart
The wondrous sounds exuding from those guitars
Filling the house to the extremities,
Climbing wave after wave of sounds
Revibrating through the air cascading into a crescendo
Purring those frets into unimaginable sounds
Then in a piano pianissimo dying with a sigh of a whisper
Unbelievable that a guitar can take me higher
Sending me crashing down with a sigh!
Satisfied in the recesses of my mind
My Son my guitar man!!
Feeling blessed by those magnificent sounds...
Have a super pink day my lovely, "meaning happy"
& many happy returns of this day!!

    Your Mama...Tiamo!!











   

I Feel You!!

I FEEL YOU!!

I feel you beneath my skin
I feel your mind touching mine
I can feel you kissing my eyes my lips
my mind!!
I can feel your eyes upon me as you fall behind
I can feel hear you in your stride as you try catching up
I feel your hands reaching to me even though we're miles apart
I feel your lips kissing mine
& your hands, whispering over, me one more time
I feel your breath as you whisper my name
I feel your beating heart against mine
I feel pulsating through your veins your blood
In centigrade or Fahrenheit, embers burning my mind
I feel the nearness of you at all times
Feeling your breath intermingling with mine
As am kissing your heart just one more time
I feel you in the darkness of my nights
As you reach to touch your mind with mine
& I feel hear my mind pleading, love me one more time!
I feel the incandescence of your touch
Unfocused becomes my mind
That gossamer impeding me from seeing
looking into your eyes I realise
that your eyes playing games with mine
Exuding from you the laughter
I remember that last time
When in our mind's our blood
We were, embers burning...
One more time!!

              By Connie James...

Words You Owe Me

WORDS YOU OWE ME

Words you owe me my life
My freedom my sleepless nights
& you owe me my dreams as I whisper in the night
Underneath the stars, that have fallen I make a wish
Following that star skimming across my firmament
Puff! Like a gossamer extinguishing before my eyes
Wishing on that star fallen from my skies,
As I gaze into my mirrored glass;
& the face that I see in the mirror don't think that's me
But the face of a stranger staring back at me
Those shadows beneath my door
Why should they be there!
O' shadows depart from my door!
For you've no business there.
Perambulating before me
Crossing, the visions of my mind
Have been blind!
Mile upon mile just to see you
Gaze upon you & smile into your eyes
The touches between us,
& the distances that separate you & I
It's like a rebirth of dreams as in a dream land
Soft so soft as I tenderly whisper your name!
The words the letters that I owe you in their entirety;
Words, you owe me my vision my lucidity my poetry!
Mais Je n veux pas le melancolie!!

              By Connie James...

Mama!!

                    MAMAN!!

I fear I have been too harsh on you
For you had it not too easy all you had to do
Too many demands upon you
Too many children to see too
Your hands were too full I know
& a very truculent grand-mama to cope with too
Never happy was she,  I know;
Demanding at all times never very pleasant to you
But not once did I hear you complain
Revolting against, burying all in the depths of you
Rebelling you did not, never once;
Helpful she was not, making demands upon demands on you
I've come to realise if one's shown love not
One can not show love in return,
For one knows not how to love...
Or maybe that's just the way it was then
You had years of that, that Sargent major in her!
Mama! I can not envisage what you must have gone through
She was not an easy person to get on with
Each time you became pregnant she derisively
Say aren't you ashamed! put a knot in it...
As if married mama was not...
A choice she had not in those days
Don't know how you coped with us all
& that vicious grand-mama that evil glint in her eyes!
Within me, I realise that at the end of your tether must have been
Like a worm in your ear gnawing away
From the inside out eating at you...
Just to shut her up hitting us
Am sure with a silently tear flowing from your eyes
Although am sure I've never seen it
& if you were like me as I slapped mine I'd cry a river
For I promised myself I never would
Until I lost my cool!
But I only had two, but you with your little army & grandmama too
Envisage I can not how you kept going
Pulling your hair out you must have wanted to!
But mama! I've this ache within me
Disperse cannot this feeling within me
Hungry for your love, that hug that never came my way
Yet I know I know too much was happening your way
Feel ashamed to say I feel this way
This insurmountable sorrow from day to day I carry within me;
Really! I didn't know you did I!!
Rebelled against you blaming you, for what I know not!
For dying on me!! leaving me!
Following my own star, my one path my own world!
No one would ever tell me what to do or hit me
Or whatever have you!
I've become that rebel within me
Just a little love I needed from you
But you knew not how to give... Love!!
That stick would speak volumes when a hug would suffice;
But looking through your eyes I can see why
That's the way you were brought up you were shown not love
So embedded into us, regimen-tally making us though
How to behave, how to stand erect never slouching;
Looking in the eyes of those that would have spoken to us
Manners at the table are a must;
Never shovelling food's in one's face for we're not animals!
Spoon reaching one's mouth, never mouth reaching, spoon
Manners paramount in all things
But I guess we have grand-mama to thank too
Following suit mama would do
How to stand straight shoulders, back head erect
For we all have this way in the way we move
That look in our eyes, watching!
Some would call it arrogance in us flinching not
Say what's in our minds, carefully not rehearsed!
Not welcome to all,
Something eluding me, I must say
Lost along the way, not always my way...
Inherently within me a troubled mind
For I kowtow not to anyone
It's deeply embedded within me
I think not always, my difficulty.
We were a force to contend with
Grand-mama, mama & me!!

              By Connie James...







   

Et Tu My Heart

ET TU MY HEART

The sun's shining it's a beautiful day
My skies are as bright as a new penny
It's enough to lift my spirits high, you'd say!
But the oppressiveness within me won't let me
Because it's raining in my heart!
Why it's taking this hold on me, I know not
Like a streaming brook, my tears cascading
Can't cope, like a story in my book
Beyond the horizon, I can not see
Moving forward or regress cannot be
Whilst am at odds with this mind of mine.
But you can not disguise the brightness in my skies
The emptiness of a gossamer within my mind
Wonder why do I weep, want not living with it
To relieve my mind I must try, not thinking of him
Stopping these tears flowing from within
I know not why!
It's taking this hold on me my mind my heart
Whenever you look wherever you are
Turmoil, turbulence within me
This ambiguity in me reasons not with me
When I start thinking of him with my heart
My skies are blue just like his eyes so true
Sparkling little diamonds when he laughs
But the ambivalence in me, cannot see his heart
When I start feeling with my heart
In the extremist, my minds in the clouds regress cannot
It hurts too much, want to feel not this way
My tears flowing like a river, arrest cannot
Once the floodgates open hard to halt the flow
But my skies are bright the sun's warm
The birds are singing
But singing I feel not in my heart
Darkness Within!
Brightness reaching not my heart
Heaviness setting deeply within, me
But it's bright outside should I feel
A sadness in my heart!
Et Tu, my heart!!

              By Connie James