It's An illusion ...........

It's an illusion
Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears escaping my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Escaping from the very core of me
My mind perturbed in pain, my heart
And everything else in between
My life my love desired's not
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
From dawn till the going down of the sun in the evening,
My thoughts were his .
And every second in between...
In my mind's the tribulation,s enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within me, my minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late, to want to hold he, against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
Whilst I whisper his name
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread my life!
Is it worth! living it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me!
Wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the recesses of my mind desolation live's...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the extremity's, of my mind,
My mind that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering it...
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me!
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
In ambiguity my mind, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me disguising not his feelings
But as I touch his mind with mine
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms aching for the touch, the very depth's of me
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse from me
His mind's not, can hold not me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can hold not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind, I can not!
It's an illusion.

By Connie James...