A Different Me 0000

A Different Me

O' Poetry, poetry set me free
For I owe you a different me
I owe you my mind my heart my very soul
And you owe me the kindness that you stole
You owe me my loneliness my sleepless nights
And you owe me my peace of mind
Most of the time in turmoil, my mind and me
In my sleepless nights, I need peace the silence
My sleepless nights for your not there
But sitting beneath the bridge or wondering somewhere
The night streets are calling to you as you go roaming through
I hear you sneaking in the early morn,
At the clock, I glance surreptitiously
As you came home drunkenly reciting your words excitedly
Reciting your phrases verses of poetry...
Whilst I've been waiting for you, longing for the touch
But your perpetual drunkeness moodiness sullenly!
I like you not this way...
By the riverside I cried, I cried with loneliness
Within me the sorrow crucifying me.
The boat arriving at the bay I asked, he has he seen you
Don't you know all night you, were away
When I asked you had no answer, for me
but said ces't la vie...
But quoting instead a verse of poetry...
In the darkness of my nights, I walk searching you...
But with a new dawn approaching
A better feeling there won't be as the rising of the sun
Over that mountain high above the hill the waterfall
Scintillating little diamonds a wondrous, sight before my eyes
Autumnal colours, trees are laden with dew
The frosted grasses in the morning sun glistening, in dew
As I kissed you, tears dancing behind my eyes
Recollecting memories of past times that kiss!
You were so cold when I kissed you
Wet with the morning dew
That tinge of blue your lips, hands like ice
I ran my hands over you, just to warm you
But your drunkenness in perpetual motion, your words
Such as Poetry!
O' Poetry I owe you my world my reason for living
My dying my freedom my life
My tears falling silently my secrets in the depths of my mind
The stranger I feel is residing within me
Am feeling so lonely can you not see!
O' Poetry I owe you the feeling of I know not what!
Of being born!
And my love of finding him, to lose yet again
O' Poetry!!
Poetry I owe you a different me!!

Like an Eagle

 Like an Eagle

The sun’s shining the sky’s blue 

And the birds are singing

As I look out of my window…

Sleep could not my minds awondering

Like a trapped animal 

Climbing up the walls, struggling to sleep

Wanting him! 

Within these four walls, trying to contain me

For all I want is to be free, 

Free to love him

Within these walls I see my worlds passing me

Trapped within me my mind

I cannot be free, 

From these chains you’ve attached to me

Soar I can not within me my mind

Crying out, struggling to live a life 

That should be free

From these chains attached to me

You cannot contain my mind & me!!

From soaring like that Eagle I see in the sky

Fluctuating above me, reaching I try

Reaching high grabbing his wings

And fly beyond the clouds

Beyond my universe 

He and I swaying dancing in the breeze

On the thermal winds climbing higher  

Wishing I was that Eagle

Take, to my wings & fly 

Wherever I pleased. 

  
By Connie james 

Fire's Burning Still

Darling!!
The fire's burning still in my blood
As you look at me,
that look in your eyes
Through me burning incandescently!
What a marvellous creature says you
As I get up and brush my hair
Fires still burning within you
Change you have not...
And I laugh gazing at him.
The decaying of me he does not see
Your still that girl I first saw in that far away land
Your shy smile, just as your smiling now
Just like a flower an exotic flower waiting to be picked
A bird of paradise in the sunshine...
I fell for you then and there
Now, looking at you you've lost not that elegance
I saw in you, it's still there as you brush your hair
His eyes following me every which way I moved
That proud look in your eyes!
The fires still burning in his minds, eyes
as he pulls me on to him...
I see not, this mesmerisation he has of me
Has been there from the start...
Yet I thought you mad, this obsession this hold on me.
But love resided, in my heart fluttering butterflies
We had eyes for no other
Coming back time after time
To my island in the sun
Making love with your eyes
Your camera lens spoke volumes in my face...
Wrapping me on that staircase
Every angle of me you took whispering
Devine!
And you haven't lost that look in your eyes
Fires burning all the while
As you made love with your eyes
I feel your eyes burrowing into me as I move
from A to B
Yet at times I've doubted in my mind
This love has lasted such a long time.
For I had eyes not, for any other
Spoiling my chances of some other love
But the fires were burning wild
There was no chance for any other love
Yet they won't let me be, chasing me
Silly fools go away let pass...
For, I have eyes for no other, but he!
Even today they do stare, even at my sell-by date
It's not as if I were a beauty...
& I think bloody fools, making my life miserable
But there are times in my minds, mind
I seem to think I need much more than I need
Having, experienced no other, was I missing something!
Would love alone suffice, to make me see
That I need no other but he!
A bed of roses has been not at, all times
For I have a mind of my own
Clashing at times breathing fire like a dragon...
The devilishness in me!
Calming down he seemed to think...
That love has won somehow...
Yet I see others looking through me
Am I missing, something, unfaithful I've never been
Except at times in my mind, wanting more than I need
For the fires are burning inexorably...
Burning in his eyes going through that elusive look
Simmering ember, O' my!!
Your the Stellar in my eyes as he reaches me
As we make love, intrinsically
The ecstasy running through my body my mind
As in a vice, he takes me...
At that moment in time escape, I want not
Consuming the fires my mind
As he whispers yet again you've changed not a bit
But the decaying of me he seems not to see
A tear flowing silently from my eyes
With such intensity loving me
Even my tears extinguish cannot the fire,s between us
As he eloquently brushes from my eyes
I cry out in the delirium of love
Embers burning his eyes
The fires still burning!
In our eyes!

By Connie James

Alone!!

As I wake up my worlds pressing down on me
There's a weight upon my heart
A gossamer over my eyes wake up I want not
There is sorrow in my heart
Why lonely must I always be
If those in my world understands not me
What I am or what I'll be!!
Turmoil residing within me...
My mind ambiguously chastising me, not thinking
Spontaneity rules my world my life
Always not thinking
But the ambivalence in me living from day to day
One day at the time my way!
Care not always what I do or say
My nature is to love those in my world...
& if at times my language fall's by the way
In something I do or say
To speak my mind has always been my way!
But if those in my world care not to hear what I say
Best stay away from a mind that thinks not always
Reasoning not what I am what I'll be who's to say
At war with my mind all the way
If careful I must be my mind filters not
In anyway
My thoughts convoluted not in any way
Flowing through without thinking good or bad...
Why must I be this being weighing not what I thought
Is this the essence of me!
This being that knows not, copes not with day to day living
The turbulence within my thoughts, letting not
Escaping from the recesses of my mind
That does not sing and dance at all times
But sinking into the mire of my thoughts
When there's doubt within my mind
I'd much rather sing and dance at every change
Except darkness robbing the light, my eyes
Dispersing not that gossamer impeding the light
In darkness alone my mind
Alone!!   

 

God turned the lights off

O' Lord!
God turned the lights off
It's dark as sin, my way
Is it am a terrible sinner
From my day to day living
To relieve darkness
From my darkest days naughty I can be
When my blues won't disperse away
Settling upon my mind a cloud
A dark gossamer I must lift
A boredom, in a mind that wants to play
Some word game to keep my blues away
It's gone as dark as sin
Haven't seen the sun in days
A distraction I must find otherwise my mind
Will play havoc all day
And it won't be a pretty day
I need my days to be bright settling my mind
Casting light, upon my eyes
Lighting my path
That otherwise will think its times of winter
When darkness permeates
Refusing to let light in my mind
Struggling to see the lightness
Before darkness sets in
Light cannot see, my soul tumbles down
Times a changing beautifully awesome
Autumnal, colours lifting from my mind
That gossamer impeding me from seeing
Cascading from their canopy's
A kaleidoscope a vision of colours
Reds golds bronze's rusts beneath my feet 
A carpet enriching my peripheral vision my eyes 
Making me feel all warm inside
The awesomeness of the warm autumnal colours
In transaction, a time for hibernation
Before, winter times rushes in
Some sharp bright cold days
Keeping my blues away...   
 
                     By Connie James

WE Will Remember Them

Today is Armistice Day...
It's a day to remember those that lost the battle for living
It's a day to remember our son's brothers uncles fathers husbands lovers
At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month
War ceased an end to a ghastly war, where so many lost their lives
So, many beautiful young lives paying the final sacrifice
Spilling their blood for you for me!
So many souls lost from so many nations
Fighting for freedom to be free from tyranny
From ruthless madmen with the desire to rule the world...
Power over all!!
Uncontrollable buffoons with a taste for blood...
Much suffering from millions of humanity's     
Today's Armistice day
And on the eleventh-hour two minutes, silence shall reign over all
Remembering members of so many families that never came home!
Bugles shall resound emotionally to the going down of the sun
To a new dawn a new beginning,
Remembering those that never had a chance to grow old
To have loved and to laugh to sing and dance at every chance
Cut short their lives...It's a very emotional day for many...   
All men from all nations...
So evocative that bugle, Not a sound from anywhere!
                             Silence Reigns
  
                  ""WE WILL REMEMBER THEM""

In The warmth Of The Night

In the warmth of the night
I often reach out to you, to hold me
Hate being far so far away from you
Wishing you'd be mine
Your words fleetingly from your lips
Playing havoc with my mind
Your eyes your lips your face cannot disguise
I'll know it's you in shadow or silhouette
By the way you hold your head
The stance in your standing
Your body language so familiar to me!
In the red room in the station near by
The fog eminating the density
I can see not your eyes...
The scents intoxicating
Tantalising my taste buds
The aroma those coffee beans
Shadows getting through you walking
Embracing kissing loving the whole of you
In between the distances the bridge you stand by
Enfolded by the nigh mists
Sending shivers through my spine
See cannot the light as I look into your eyes 
Those pages were never writen, but I remember so well
Thousand & thousands of time in my mind
Lingering in the silence still the utterings
Phrases of yesterday silently writen on my mind
In the midst perpetually searching you
In the shadows in silhouette standing before me
Through & through so dapper so handsome
My words belong not to me!
They were writen for you
Writen when I could not erase my memory of you
They were born and transformed every which way
I've arranged them in sequence in my mind
The memory of your lips
The scent of you as you kissed me
The scent of sandlewood
Intoxicating the scent of you
Resounding dreams in the darkness of the night
Echoing in my mind the wonder of you
In my dreams am missing you
Missing your love, my boding aching for you
Missing your arms around me kissing me
Never letting go taking shelter in your arms
So many things to tell you so many things to say
It's all writen in verses
The rest you'll find a way!!

Loves a Funny Thing

So true!
But there are times loves not enough
It won't do!
But lessons we must learn
Loving those that love's us not
Not easy no way
When one loves one loves with all one's heart
To the very core of our being
So hard when we love and reciprocated is not
Be it lovers love or indeed a siblings love
Loving with the same intensity that hurts
They are not anyway
And you heart shredded in tatters bleeding
Screaming you utter, how dare they!
Making me bleed this way
Your fragmenting as they dispose of your love.
Luckily I've had to fight not for love in any way!
But I was so green in my day...
Needed only one love, not greedy anyway
Now a sibling's I must say inexcusable! in any way
But love's a funny thing
When we think we need more than we need
Playing tricks your mind
Wishing we experienced different loves
In one's life different things
Whether you've missed something, you'll never know
With ones mind fighting abhorrently
Think you need much more than you need
Residing in ones mind obsessively
This obsessive obsession when love's gone wrong
Your mind's not your own as you sit bleeding
Struggling with ones heart one's mind
Hard to just let it be! Let it be...
But you must follow through
when an obsession takes hold of you
Into the recesses of your mind
The very extremities of you
Ones mind care's not being logical or not
Reasoning not...
Smiling for all your worth as you look
into his eyes glistening with love...
Loves a funny thing
Making you cry laugh sing and dance at every chance
But when it's killing you, love hurts
Flowing silently waterfalls
As if the whole worlds deserting you
A love dying on you, extreme sorrow going through
Caring not if they hurt you
Even when you've loved, with every ounce you possess
I guess your not worthy of their love
Must be true!! 

Oh! Ecstacy!!

Oh Ecstasy

Darling!
I didn't wash my mind last night
I couldn't darling, truly couldn't
Wash you away from my memory
Was so turned on
Oh, dear lord what a mess to be
I cannot do without he
But lord I just can't get him out of my mind
He's within me
Beneath my skin, he'll always be
He makes me laugh, feel good
he makes me cry & whoop in ecstasy
& he makes me fly on the wings of a phoenix
Oh, ecstasy!!
I can feel his eyes within me
His breath on my skin
And I can feel his hands whispering over me
Evoking like a dream through me
When his boat comes in...
Am all of a flutter as I set my eyes upon he
He's looking at me nonchalantly
That glint in his eyes is enough to get my blood boiling
How could I have washed my mind of, he
I would have lost all of he!!
Embedded within me he'll always be
As he tells me, go sleep, can't you see
Am so turned on I can't sleep without you
An impossibility...
Playing me like a harp the ecstasy ringing through me
How could I wash my mind of thee!!
Echoing in my mind words of yesterday
Making me high as a kite like dopamine in my mind
Bewitching me with your eyes
Like my oceans blue & the skies above me
Like gossamer curtains the white clouds
And the gulls above, screeching
How can I wash my mind of thee, impossible...
Like a zombie without sleep
Like a madness running through me
I'll be blown if I can sleep
Or wash my mind off he...
 

Sparks Flying...

The ecstasy euphorically
Revibrating through my brain my body
every moment am with you
Sparks igniting between you and me...
There's this something about you
I know not what's to be!!
Gazing from across the room
you're so intent on she
As she listens to your every word like, a gospel
If it were a profanity!
The excitement in her eyes it's there to see
And the way you laugh with her
Casting glances at me!
In your eye's I see just a game you're playing
Intolerable to me!!
Making me feel less than real!
But I too can play games you see!
As up and down I look at he
A flush comes to my face as I imagine he,
kissing me...
He's hot, and his voice embers burning
Incandescently...
As I imagine he pretending that, he'll be thee!!
Caressing his face glancing your way
As I tweak his nose
Caring whether or not you see me!
Why do you do this to me?
Feeling a warmth erupting through me
Looking at you, there's always this thing about you
I understand not this primitiveness in me!
As I, look into your eyes
sparks are flying between you and I
Dumfounded I'll be if I understand me!!
This ache following me it hurts
slowly killing me
And from the very depths of me
tears flowing silently
A torrent waterfalls exuding from within me
Wonder why would it be
Darling kiss me!
Like yesterday when in my portals you came to be
Like a tornado devouring me
Butterflies within me as I raised my eyes to thee
Dear lord!! Your gaze penetrating me
I knew not you see as you kissed me
Euphorically this hunger from within me
Looking into your eyes the colour of my skies
I see the wonder of thee has never left me
But why do I feel I need more than I need
As I look at, he making eyes at she
Breaking my heart irrevocably
And yet I know you are the one for me
Feeling sparks leaving your eyes penetrating me
There is that something about thee
Bewitching confounding me
Gazing across the water from me
my soul mate would he be!
I love playing games with he
In my mind intrinsically
A little badness there'll be in me
As I play games with he
Feeling that am living
Making me feel real!!

       By Connie James