Rescu Me!!

RESCUE ME!!

Tears are falling from my skies
As if some soul's weeping in misery
Torrents escaping from their eyes
A turbulent river overflowing in agony
I can feel their misery!!
Hollering in the winds crying out to thee,
Come rescue me!
From the cacophony that I've created
This soul residing within me at odds with me
Searching something that's been eluding me
Something I've lost along the way
Family, sorrow deeply set within me
Retrieve can not it's an impossibility
But the love within me disperses not
Always will be, with me...
Too many questions from me!
Unanswered questions
Thoughts running through me...
Transcending from the depths of me
Understanding not what the hell matters with me
Why can I not, let go, of this hell
A masochist I must be
Am I alone in this, understanding, not our world
Belittling me!
This vendetta against me, & mine I can see!
As if they were better than me!!
How I hate this self-importance
This pretentious in some of us!!
For better, they're not then the rest of us
This hypocrisy!
kissing ass I'll never be!
The queen of queen bees!
Intolerant of others if kowtow not to their wishes
But a mind of mine own I possess
Have always & always will be
In control of mine own faculties
I follow no one a sheep, amongst sheep I'll never be
Am true to those that confide in me
Confidences stays within me
For am a fighter, fight for those that need me
So it's no good punishing me.
For on the side of righteous I'll always be
I know not any other way
True to myself I must be!!
Apologies my world
It seems there's this gossamer cloud
Impeding me from thinking clearly
What the f..k should I care
To hell with them
After all, that's where they've sent me!!
But am one hungry mind looking for lucidity
There's no returning for me!!

                       By Connie James

Caro Mio!!

         Caro Mio.
Salve!
So you've returned!
As I stretched
Becoming awake reaching to you
That look in his eyes as he stands before me
As if he hasn't seen me!
As I awake, my eyes strains, straight to you
In mine, convoluted mind drinking, the essence of you
This gossamer, before my eyes a hallucination maybe!
Cassius! Smiling up at he, come & lie here, by me!
Like a God! standing before my eyes,
Expecting to throw, myself at he, difficult it wouldn't be;
Look, at me not that way!
For am not as young, as once I used to be
Your eyes caressing, me
Darling, I've something for, you
Lie here close by me
& I'll administer to you...
Your eyes darling, your eyes!
A little fragile, am feeling today.
Been, out of my mind!
As you go, chasing the rabble, away...
That chariot, I like it not as you're, speeding away
A cloud of dust, following you...
Who's to say what'll happen to you!
I like it not darling! Tiamo.
Yah, have been not, myself,
Or is it that vision of yours, making me feel this way
Playing havoc, with my senses
Every which way I look, you're standing there
Burning all my defences...
The incandescence, of your eyes
Your aura's, everywhere all, around me!
Am struggling darling, want not going, there
For I know, I'll be lost once this feeling, disperses from me
Like a demi-God, looking at me!
My heart's so full of you, my eyes!
Mine eyes drowning, in the essence of you
In a labyrinth, finding myself knowing not, what to do
Be good, darling & lay here, with me
& I'll treat, you like the God you, should be!
Shut your, eyes open your mouth, just enough
& I'll feed you these cherries, they're as succulent
Like your lips, & those grapes you'll love,
From my lips...
Followed by a kiss, just a little game we play
Remember, you laying there, indolently
Making love to you mine, eyes
Taking a sip of this, wine,
Like the nectar, of the god's
That'll be me!
Hurry not darling, hurry not
For, we've all the time, in the world
Dropping, another cherry between, your lips
Followed by a kiss,  divine!
Rupturing, my mind...
Feeling, you heart fibrillating, under my touch
A feeling so sublime, in my minds, mind!
Flowing through our veins, our blood's
Embers burning in our, minds
For I've been sipping, the nectar of the gods. too
Darling, open your lips
Following a grape, with a kiss
The sublimity of this, feeling, my mind
This gossamer-like, an opium
Am lost, without you!
For all times...

   

Dear Lord!!

Dear Lord!!

Could sleep not last night!
So hot!! As hot as can be
Tossing & turning all night
My mind turned to he!
He's something else you see!
In my mind's eyes, I can see he
On my mind, he is perpetually
Wonder why he would be!
For he, at every chance ignores me
I miss he, you see!
Through my darkest nights, turbulent my mind
As sleep, I can not, not a wink last night
His eyes I see in my mind's mind
Blue the colour of my skies
& the cornflower's fields below my window
Indolently dancing in the breeze
For he, I existed not.
Bloody fool am I for my eyes are leaking!
On my mind perpetually,
Must look for that screw that's gone missing!
Each time I glanced at he
Inside of me, I am weeping
For I knew that at my, way he won't be looking
On my mind embedded forever, he'll be!
He knew how to play me
Like harp strings, he'd pluck at me
From my slumber waking me
I was living not, merely existing!!
In the forefront of my mind feelings, buried
I could feel again you see!
Instead of the limbo, I was living.
Why must you set me free
From the world that I was living?
Opening that Pandora box.
All those feeling spilling out
Like a loose cannonball rolling away from me
I miss he!!
With my mind my body.
As I lie here tossing & turning thinking of he
The heat's bothering me...
His eyes I could feel looking, straight through me
The Stellar in my skies was he
My eyes lit up as I saw he
In his eyes the laughter perpetually
I miss he!!
Looking into his mind there's nought left of me
His eyes blue like those cornflower fields
Wonder why!  I wonder why he!!
I miss he!!

              By Connie James...

Whispers!!

WHISPERS 

Whispering, whispers
forever in my mind whispering;
Please go away, leave me alone let me be
So tired by the senseless whisperings. 
Awakening, waking me!!
Ignoring tryingly the whisperers within me

Breathing slowly, ever so slowly

Reducing the rhythm of my beating heart.

To no avail, 

The whisperers taking my sanity.

Shadows!!

The shadows that I see 

scared, senseless eyes shut

matters not how hard I try I hear, 

In the shadows that I see whispering's 

As I glance just beyond me 

Definitely, someone's there

Whispering shadows passing me by
Who are you! 

Whom do you search for? 

But listening, their not to me 

Incessantly whispering faster & 

I get more & more like a demented parrot;

Understanding, not their whispering's  
Leaving me a mind perturbed, 
Sitting beside's me, incessantly whispering 
Hollering I cried go away let me be!! 
Don't bother me! 
Hearing steps walking away, sitting up 
Screaming!! 
Screaming hysterically cause those damned 
Whisperers won't leave me
whispers in my mind whispers in my soul 
And whispers that mean nothing at all...
Whispers, meaningless whispers 
From all Eternity...

By Connie James.

In Solitude!

In Solitude 

One can be surrounded by a crowd
A room full of humanity 

But this feeling, of emptiness, surround me

You can touch the loneliness like a mist in front of you 

This gossamer before your eyes impeding you 

from seeing this life before me 

As I see you in the depths of my mind 

Swimming against the tide to reach you 

Lulled by the sway taking me further away from you    

Fighting against the tide trying getting to you 

To gaze into your eyes!

To see the light in your eyes the very core of you 

For am, as empty as can be, I can feel not you!
In my mind my heart struggling to be in the nearness of you  

Bursting from my chest my heart at the glimpse of you
I try I try to feel not, this feeling that I have within me 

Help can not, for my mind listens not to my heart
& my heart listened not to my mind 

Grow up I must I know! 

I'd so love to touch his mind with mine

Feel his skin against mine 

Kiss his lips his eyes feel that, connection between us

As I look into his eyes grounding me, that je ne sais quoi, feeling!

Impossible!

The impossibility that he & me! 

Turmoil within me, my heart cries out infamy!! 

For in the very depths of me I see the possibility 

Of the world, devoid from me, deserting me...

Me on my own with me

In solitude must I be!!  

                 By Connie James 

      

Moon Outside My Window

MOON OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

Where are you, Moon,
You've gone AWOL
I've looked near & far
But you're hiding from me
Behind that gossamer cloud mesmerising me
Waiting around just waiting
Like a yo-yo up & down I could not settle
Looking waiting for you
You went away from me!!
Then I spied you chasing after Venus
I saw you all aligned Mercury Mar's
But that wasn't enough for you
You had to chase Uranus Jupiter & Pluto too
Don't you know, you're a disgrace Moon
There's an earthling down here waiting for you
To shine on her she needs you too
Mesmerising her you do
Like no other your face beautiful
Right across my firmament
Looking high & low for you
There's no sign of you
But I know you're there I know!
Standing camera in hand ready
To record your first entrance
But you were playing hard to get
Leaving me with this imbalance
From starring up to you
They thought me mad, they do
But there's this something about you Moon
I can not explain
Seeing you there besides Jupiter
I feel quite jealous of you
Cause you're not including me too
& Mar's not so far away from you
How could you
Invite me not to shine beside's you
This alignment so amazing I saw with my own eyes
With the help of mine binoculars
Was an amazing sight
But you my dear, my dearest Moon
I could swoon at the sight of you
Don't you know, there this being waiting for you
Each time you show your face
Like a Banshee
I holler, what a magnificent blue, Moon
Now your hiding behind those gossamer clouds
Pretending you see not me!!
You've always affected my moods
That's not joking, rather irrational I become
I encourage my children pointing looking at you
Howling at you!!
Is it strange irrational or not
Am afraid I don't know
But the Moon has always affected me so!!

                By Connie James...

In My Minds Mind!!

In My Minds Mind!!

Darling each time I look at you
Echoing through my mind a time
Improvisation, we needed not
When spontaneity was our ways
Engaged our minds always
Darling can you feel not my breath upon you
Upon your eyes depositing tiny whispers
Like a butterfly's fluttering indolently
From your eyes to your lips
Almost like a bee fluctuating, humming upon thee
That sting sending shivers through your mind
An electrical current radiating in your eyes
I see specks of gold like a bee collecting nectar
For the Gods!
Persistently I'll be hovering over thee
Kissing endlessly, drinking from the spring I was born
Ahh, darling!!
Love me! Won't you love me!
Evoking through me a passion so sublime.
Our Yesterdays!
When my dreams weren't that far away!
Needed asked not to be loved!
Your body like a map I follow depositing
A little whisper like a sting...
Your eyes opening just enough
Seeping right through you an electric current
& in an endless kiss upon your lips
I kissed your Heart
Escaping tryingly your, chest kissing that too!
In our yesterdays in my mind, I kissed you that way
& you kissed me too endlessly...
That urgency, as if life was escaping you
Ahh! Darling
I do miss you, missing your arms holding me
Kissing me passionately, your lips
With a passion, I thought possible not
Kissing my tears as they escaped me
Playing games with mine, your eyes!
That deep stare, I cannot abide
In a frenzy my mind;
Like an ocean your eyes, turbulence within me
Lulling me into a sense, of security mesmerising me!
Oh ecstasy, whispering on to me
An ocean undulating before me, indolently
Impeding me from seeing that gossamer cloud,
Reasoning!
Why!  Reason can not my mind
But fibrillating my heart as I gaze at you
Immersing myself up to the eyes, I can see me
Swimming against the tide
Is it an illusion that I see you
in my, minds mind!!..


                      By Connie James...

What's he point!

WHAT'S THE POINT

Good day my world
Hope you're smiling, on this sunny day
But I know everyone won't
Even on such a day!
Cause life has a habit of kicking you in the butt
or whatever they may say.
We must make the most of each, & everyday
Otherwise what's the point anyway;
Of this life, that we're living
Is there a point in going on, getting up in the morn
Is there a point in going on
Why under the duvet must I hide
As my mind's my heart's crying out
Freedom!!
Freedom from this intolerable pain...
What a bane!
Freedom from the small-mindedness of peoples
When my thoughts I do extol
Is there a point to it all!
This morn my skies are weeping on me
Even in the shining sun
My hearts as tight as a drum
When my tears control I cannot
When all I want is to hide from all!
Why must I care, for our worlds sorrow
If freedom of thought I have not
Why must I hide from my feelings
I like it not!!
Emotionally f..ckd up am I,
I guess I've never grown up...
To mind my Ps & Qs an art I have not
For I call a spade, a naffing, shovel...
Why must I extol what's in the forefront of my mind
Even when I'll know they'll like it not
But freedom of speech in my world does exist
Even if in their's exists not
To a world of darkness must I return
Of a darkness devoid of my thoughts
Where freedom of speech exists not!!
So is there a point in his life that we're living
I think not!
On others why must I depend to keep me sane
When am struggling with my thoughts
When control I can not the uncontrollable
The cacophony of my thoughts
I guess retire I must from his world of thoughts.
But if He above wanted me to think not
A brain he'd give me not.
What's it all about!
My thoughts are part of me! are they not?
Feeling for my world, all these feelings what's the point
What's the point of all these feelings
If, feel I can not;
& what's the point of all these tears
Oozing from the depths of me, when they're hurting
Shedding uncalled for tears escaping my very core
When they're in pain, breaking their hearts
Silly fool am I!
So what's the point of it all
I know not!

                    By Connie James

Greatness!! ----

GREATNESS

Some are born with greatness
There are some of those that are great
& some are trusted with greatness upon them
Our children we think the greatest they'll ever be
Wanting the best thing we can give them;
Giving love unconditionally
Showing them right from wrong, we must
Just seen something that blows my mind
How great some of us can be
By the way in here am not including me!
For am quite ordinary!
But I appreciate the greatness in others
In them inherently will be
They show not their greatness
Unless it's trusted upon them;
Einstein, you need, not be
So long you've got a brain one must use it!
For Einstein, we all cannot be!
Can you imagine a world of Einsteins
That rather boring would be;
Those that are great are few & far in between
Some take their greatness to the extreme
Beating their chests aren't I great!!
& some struggle in every way hiding away
Until one day speak they must...
Luther King was one such struggling through his life
Fighting for the rights of humanity
Be they yellow red black or white
Aren't we all human beings!
Do we bleed not when cut,
isn't our blood the same colour of red!
& do we cry not when in pain when our, hearts breaking
When we are frightened shitless, crying out our brains
Irrevocably some have greatness, trusted upon them
It can turn one's head, all that greatness trusted upon, one
& there are those that abuse their, greatness
Whether great they'd be or not,
Some abusing their minions, causing them much pain
Mao was such as one,
And many others too many, to name
exuding their power over many...
Free speech they had not, misery all around
For the man with the little red book,
Scared to breathe brainwashing, all around
And lately, those fucktards forcing their, will upon many
Those bastards leaders nothing great, about them
To paradise wanting to send them...
Brainwashing those that a brain, do not possess
Imbecility all around, far too easy they are, brought around
To their way of thinking causing,
Destruction amongst their brothers & sisters
For are we not all brothers, underneath our skins!!
But the greatest thing we can possess, humility would be
To just live in peace in love & harmony
Much easier wouldn't be!
To just live & let's live...
Before too late will it be!

             

What Can You See!! ---

What Can You See!!

Look into my eyes look, into my eyes & see
That life's realities has nought to do with me
For am I, a being lost within me!
No one hears no one sees the desolation
what's it like to be me...
For in the wilderness I'll always be
On my own separated it seems to me
Look into my eyes look, into mine eyes
What can you see, but this tormented soul
residing within me,
At peace not within me.
Struggling fighting just to be me.
But the eyes of my world sees me not, as I see me
A soul at war within me...
Do I ask too much from those around me
Am I too demanding!
Or am I this confounded being
that they understand, not me
Or should I just, grow up
& see this elusive illusion I have of me
My aloneness maybe, just inherently within me
A mind confounded that no, one sees me
Crawling through, the mire of life
But there's this ache within me!
Those that pretend that, they know me
Look into my eyes what can you see!
But this soul residing within me
Do you see this empty shell this cavity
Crying outreaching to thee!
Or can you see a soul happy as I used to be
Now fragmenting before me
Can you see, not can you, not see!
That am trying just to be me
That image of me!
Eaten not much all day,
For my body seems gross to me
A clue they have not what's it like, to be me
But a stranger looking back at me
Rivulets flowing from the depths of me,
drowning me...
Yet I ask why can't I just be me...
Flowing my tears annoyingly
What can you see, what can you see
May it be the destruction of me
Those, one by one dispersing from me
Confounded, this soul residing within me
But truly what can you see
Can you see the emptiness within me
Lost cause I must be...
Can you see, raindrops flowing from me
Around me, I'd love to see your arms, hugging me
But what the hell, can you see this empty shell
This turbulence within me, gazing into mine eyes
Can you see an empty, reflection of me!!

Like a chameleon

LIKE A CHAMELEON

My darling!
Do you know what you do to me
As you go from day to day
Setting my senses way up high
Each time I look at you irrevocably,
Painting pictures in my mind
That canvas empty on my side
As I gaze deeply into your eyes
Losing myself within myself
Falling silently...
Like waterfalls my tears...
So much misunderstanding
So much hate in our world
Turning ourselves inside out
Without hope of finding, peace within us
But you darling like a chameleon you've become
at the forefront of my mind;
Keeping me intact keeping me sane
You are a breath of fresh air
And like, a butterfly am I literally
Going from flower to flower...
You have the presence, that aura about you
Your gaze across that crowded, room
Gloriously, bewitching me
The things you do as you sympathise
Seeing the light in their eyes,
But changing, changing like a chameleon
Inherently it's within you...
Till am getting, withdrawal symptoms
Missing you!!
When in your eyes I cannot, see the light
Struggling...
Emptiness residing within me
Visualising, you in my mind's eyes
This obsessive obsession.
I die a little each time, you go away
Where have you gone, where have you!
But like a chameleon your, never far away

           

By Candle Light

By Candle Light

Beneath the sky at night
Candlelight shining in your eyes
Just dinner for two, you & I!
By the poolside the moon in her full bloom
Casting shadows upon my mind
In the velvety darkness of my skies
Dancing scintillating little stars
as bright as your eyes
That intense stare gazing at me
across the table, I reached to touch
your lips with mine;
That amusing look in your eyes, making me smile
Drinking the very essence of you was I
I was lost for all times
It took every ounce of me not to touch
your mind with mine
Playing games with mine eyes I realised;
By the poolside the moons, reflection
Such moon before I've never seen,
Her gravity pulling at you & me!
& the cicadas singing infernally
intoxicating you & me
At the poolside gazing into your eyes
Naughtiness danced indolently before, mine eyes
Raising our glasses celebrating
Crystal clear the sound
The look of you...Ahh!
Control cannot my skipping heart,
within my chest uncontrollably;
It takes every ounce of me to quieten
down my heart, fibrillation within me
The hunger within me for, you an impossibility
That you'll want, playing games with me my heart
But my mind so full of you
my heart's bursting at the sight of you!
Every morsel I've eaten stopping me from breathing
My throat constricting, for food I need not...
Sitting across from you playing footsie with you
Drinking the essence of you, mine eyes!
My eyes so full of you!
Taking my hand ambling through the moonlit night
I kissed your eyes your lips that first time
Ahh! It took every ounce of me darling
to control my beating heart
I could feel your heart beating against mine-
like a percussion within me...
Ahh!
Such a long time darling such a long time!
Yet I know I know I mustn't get carried with the flow
but it's so hard darling it's so hard
All I need is make love to you underneath the moonlit night
with the cicadas singing infernally constricting my heart
as you & I dancing indolently by the light of the moon
Control can no this need in me, kissing you good night
But this goes beyond you or me as I run to you to hold me tight
In your eyes, I can see your need is stronger than mine
As we loved beneath a starlit night sky
Upon my skin, your fingers tips playing, piano pianissimo
Softly! Then regressing insistently to a forte fortissimo
& I was lost, lost in the momentum of time
Like a primitive being lost that very first time;

       By Connie James