It's an illusion...

It's an illusion

Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears flowing from my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Falling from the deepness of my heart
My heart perturbed in pain,
And everything else in between.
My life my love he desires not
Even in friendship...
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
My thoughts were his from morn till night
And every second in between...
The tribulation in my mind's enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within, me minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late,  to want to hold he against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread  my life! is it worth it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me! wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the corners of my mind desolation lives...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the deepness of my mind my soul
My soul that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering.
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
My mind in ambiguity, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me, disguising not the emptiness within
But in the deepness of my mind
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms achingly for the touch
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse, from me
His mind's not, can not hold me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can take not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind
It's an illusion.

            By Connie James...