Is It Me!

     By Connie James...

                 
 Is It Me!
Says I ambiguously
Being bad is not compulsory
A little badness is good I hearsay
In track keeping one's mind
But I've never been really bad, in any way!
But you bring this wantonness
this need in me;
Being bad is not an option
Except in my mind...
Every time I look at you
I'd love to be good at a little badness
This compulsion, this need's inherent in me
Struggling day after day, trying! 
 An angel I want to be not!
So tired of being good, in every way;
But with just one glance at you,
for it all to fall through!
You stand proudly looking at me
Drinking the wonder of you, my eyes
Tempting me!
In my very extremities, cannot abide by
this waiting, to guide me through
It's there for all to see, this obsessiveness
Your words uncontrollably running through my mind 
Like fire in my blood!
Keeping me inline when I refuse to be
Never enough!
In my ambivalence, control cannot my mind
As I extol this need my love!
Echoing through the extremities of me
WHY HE!!
This heart of mine struggling to control
Irrevocably at times overflows...
This badness sufficing to say
This need to control me my world;
Between the darkness and the light lost
Am lost...
Just one look at you for it all to fall through
Lust resides in the mire of my thoughts
The way you look at me!
What chance!
What chance have I !!
Why must you look at me that way
This yearning that hurts, am lost!
Control cannot the uncontrollable, my mind
Or even reason with my heart...
When he pretends he sees not me
Screaming I yell ignore not me!
This passion residing within me,
My mind fragmenting...
Diamonds scintillating glistening in my eyes
Before darkness falls into the mire of my thoughts
As he sees me not!
Just like a dart wounding my heart
Enough to send me perpetually
into the recesses of my mind,
I'm asking why?
In the very extremities of me 
Why should I not be,
Just that little bad!
Is it you! Is it me?