That's The Crux...

Time's halfway through there's no sign of you
I miss you! you know.
We could talk, about everything under the sun
I miss my friend.
Without any reservations, reservations, we had none
So excited,
Back from the Himalayas, you were
But I haven't heard a dicky, bird
Silence penetrates my world, Why?
Wanted to hear all your news, everything you saw
Experiences or what have you,
But you, my friend AWOL you went
Leaving me uncertain of what to think.
Was what I said  a no, no no !!
You know I didn't mean offence in any way,
It's that feeling that I get, usually right my feelings are
Not letting me down badly as in this instance,
My feelings getting me in trouble, firstly and foremost
For they want not, or know not, what I feel
Including those closer to me
Emotionally I find myself very much alone,
But what the hell used to it I'll be
Disrupting your life I was trying not,
Am after not, anybody
Just, someone, I could talk without any reservations
To, you I thought I could talk,
A breath of fresh air you were,
Like you there was none, not anywhere
Didn't have to hide,
Hide from me, letting not, anyone see the real me.
But if the real me, is not enough,
Some impediment there must be in how
I express my feelings.
They'll be the death of me.
But my feelings are me!
That perpetual being that I am,
To those, I know not to befriend!
I liked you from day one when I chanced upon you
So funny so jovial, joking were you
When I commented on such a beautiful warm street scene
You said would it be wonderful walking down such street,
Arm in arm drunkenly.
I always loved, to laugh and joke just like anybody.
But my comments were deleted, fortunately.
You know, last night in my box, I did look                      
I thought not so offensive, what was said...
I said what at the time I felt was so
I can hide not behind a persona, that am not
Am just me not worth much in my book
For I drive everyone mad it seems, to me.
So you see my friend am mourning for you
No one like you to talk, talking openly
In the quest for someone too far, I went I guess
To talk to about anything under the sun,
But how wrong can one be.
Once you said that the people you liked
Changing towards you
But change, I have not am still that woman
In the ambivalence in me
Perhaps with a touch of obtusity
For obtuse I must be to trust others in my world.
Ambiguously.
Getting all worked up those that understand...
Starting misunderstanding me
Oh, my friend, I miss you have that ache's within,
Feelings setting heavily upon me
Its so hard to know whether one's right or not                      
Or am I too emotional,
For you, my friend.
Perhaps that's the crux,
I know not...

                                   By Connie James.