I Need You.

That's precisely what I've been doing for over a year now.
Reading your words and interpreting them depending on how I saw them, 
Trying feeling them dissecting each and every word until it felt right,
And at times yes from the top of my head.
But with me, I had to feel and feel again, 
Not just spewing out parrot fashion, depending, in how visually I saw it 
That's why it takes me a long time to put my thoughts down on paper, or what have you. 
For a very long time, you either refused to read or my words weren't good enough, 
For you refuse to comment let alone a thumbs up in such a long time ! 
Now someone else is going precisely the same but without feeling, 
And you fall backwards to accommodate them.
I need not, the glory the self-importance so it'll make me feel good, special important.
Bamboozling through to achieve the heights some people are so hungry for.
For me, writing is a form of getting out off my system the sorrow that at times I carry within me, 
The emotion is such that at times I want not to live, 
It's not news for am sure at times some people read between the lines,
And see what others don't..when I try talking it out, they want not to know brushing it aside.
For a little while now I seem to be in Vogue, not that I asked for,
My words were getting noticed and favourably commented on. 
But I never saw what others saw in them, 
My words were just words never believed in myself..like a joke you know ! 
My words came from deep within not just the top of my head, 
The agony I go through the tears spilt, no one can see. 
Am an emotional cow a total wreck, 
But as I said I need not the glory that others are so hungry for, they can have it ! 
For my words are nothing but words that at times interfere with my reasoning. 
There's no reasoning with an emotional person. 
God save the world from emotional people like me, total wrecks emotionally, 
So get on with it, for I need not  the self-importance of it all. I need you Subha.
For you encouraged me from day one, in fact, it's all your doing this business of writing.
I never saw what you saw in me, "feeling is the pits"  
Yes, I need you. But not at any cost. 
I won't sell my soul to the devil.
Just because others are doing it !