The Nearness Of You

The nearness of you I can feel
You're all around me I sense, the scent of you
Even though, I see you not I can sense you
The loneliness of my pen and I, as I sit writing to you
The lovely moon high above, intermingling with the stars
Lonely so lonely as me as I gaze into nothingness
High above, above me.
As my pen runs across the pages those pages crying for you
As I search write breathe searching you
Breathing inhaling the essence of you
Across from me the river that's flowing angrily
I, search you, I search up down across the river
That's getting as angry as me
Through the night, I whisper with a breeze flowing through
And in that breeze I whisper, I love you
Sensibility is not a word that affects me
For sensible am not, never been, never will be
But if sensible was I, sensibility wouldn't desert me
For I am as hopeless as the next person
When it comes down to sensibility
The dreamy dreams of my days
Does not bother me for I always been a dreamer, silly me.
In the days of my days, the nights of my nights I dream.
On your lap, I lay my head just to rest my eyes
Until I find myself sleeping, dreaming making love
Waking dismayed before your very eyes, you smile.
The romanticism of Poets is neither here nor there
They have an obsessive nature, everything must be as the see.
In a trance, like they look at you mesmerised,
When it comes to his lips I could feel I could kiss,
Words are hard to break through time and time again
And I so alone I care not to create new writings
Shouting crying smiling.
Those words may be yours or mine
Or together we put through
It matters not if there yours or mine alone
In my obsessive obsession, I need you,
To write our words of love you may need me
I'll always come back, come back to you
As Neruda extols I know not why I love, I just do        
If my dreams need's completing the memory of loving you
Words confounded words written in stone
Words Incapable of uttering I love you

By Connie James.

That Kiss

Feeling the love in you as I touch you, your face
As I feel your lips on mine kissing you
I look into your eyes I realise the love in, me for you
As we touch,  touches the wonder what's in our hearts
The lamp the bed the sigh's..
I love seeing you lying there as you sleep
I touch your face kiss your lips in your sleep
That smile I know so well lifting the corners of you mouth as you dream
The scent of you brings to mind memories of that time
Where we bathed in the waterfall the scent of pine ingrained on my mind
That's how I see you now as you sleep
The ringing of that tram through the streets its bell insistently
Your eyes shut just a little
The shadows the light descends upon your eyes,
Closed half way just enough to spy as I look at you
Those books  opened those pages full of verses on my desk
I have not finished this poem I wrote just for you
The clock keeping time like the pendulum on a piano
Marking time as it goes to an fro ..
The flower I have in mind of you
The "Bird of Paradise"  the colours of you the yellow the blue
Just like you enchantingly..through and through
In my mind, I write words of love
But there they stay in the corners of my mind
Until the fragrance of a kiss reaches them
When we have a night of love
The anchored boat gently swaying in the breeze
The moon spied us just a crescent, moon peeking at us
It knew what we were about It knew..
The winds gentle ever so gentle lifting the sands gently
The foghorns of a distant ship those lights dancing in the breeze
Bellow decks we were lost the boat old so yellow..
The nemesis of the seas, you sitting there like a king.
Close so close to me I could feel you breathing on my cheek
Hearing your heart beating in tempo to your breathing
Those waves over us soaking us wet so wetly so naked
We were quite alone just me and you
The magic the night the lighthouse
We looked and laughed
That kiss so deep.
     

Stair Way To Heaven

I've counted the stairway to heaven ..
Its steps so steep so true,
Reaching the top of the said steps with bated breath..
The Exhilaration half way through the Infinitum
Of the said steps that go's on to infinity
By the count of three thousand steps I look beyond the horizon far,
Was surprised to see you their half way up you were sitting amongst the flowers so blue..
Whilst on this floating stairway to heaven swinging to and fro..tantalisingly so..
The light up here so blinding but the darkness so dark the stars so bright scintillating
Like little diamonds and the moon in its fullness so bright..
Whilst down bellow our seas so blue, the psychedelic colours of our sky's
In the setting of our sun the reds, the gold's the purples intermingling with the blues..
So mesmerising those colours as I look at you, filling my heart with awe..
As I count steps one two and three..
Step one I climb in eagerness curious to see what's up there..
Step two am out of breath the giver of life's this blood of mine slipping out of me..
By the third step, my heart's in my mouth breathing heavily,
I guess that's why am climbing these steps to heaven given up the ghost,
Searching those that once were in my life..
Now as one struggles to breathe..
Fighting for life so dear as one's bloods draining from you..
The commotion is such as they work around you ..
Trying to stench this blood this giver of life flowing away from you..
In intense pain as one's struggles, through..
As one breathes can not, they have not a clue!
As one climbs those steps to infinitum..
Then you send me back it's not my time says you..
As I hang on to your hands, you shook  head ..Now go..
As I awake yet again tubes placed upon me,
With a bag with the giver of life flowing through me..
Welcome back says he..
The doc standing beside, me..
As I become awake tubes attached to me,
With the giver of life flowing through my veins through me..
That some kind soul donated to me..
Now am still at the bottom of the said steps one two and three..
Let's see if my fate will deliver me
As I start climbing steps one two and three..                              

                           Connie James.

Not He.

On the bridge, I stand inspecting the panorama before me.
Its moonlit sky so velvety blue..
The stars like little diamonds scintillating sparkling against the darkness high above ..
As a shooting star dying skims across the vision of my eyes..
I make a wish..
I wished for that someone would come,
Leaving me not with this imbalance this uncertainty..
For I know no one would come..
Not He..
Standing by the riverside murmuring whispering to me..
As if my love was calling to me..
Standing there in darkness listening, listening carefully..
But all I heard was the river mocking me..
The fallen leaves such a sight to see..
Yet the river whispering murmuring what do you hear what don you see..
I listen keenly and what did I hear what did I see,
I saw the mist of spring, time floating by, eerily
The music sounding so close like a lightness in the air ambiguously..
But I recognised its sound of a lone flute animatedly..
Uncertainly I've been here many, many times before
So familiar the bridge the river flowing contentedly, not angry like before..
But I know not this river irrevocably..
This wind freshly attacking me,
This midnight hour bracing myself hiding my face protecting me..
Its bitterness attack against me!
Not giving in I stand firmly within, me
Crossing the bridge yet again, standing there in my ambiguity..
The lantern lit house I stand and see he
He's sitting there comfortably chatting animatedly..
Whilst am waiting cold miserably..
I walked to the door staring at he moodily..
He looked up not recognising me,
I was wrapped up to an inch of me, numbed with cold ..
He smiled as if he was scenting the river in me..                        

As In A Prayer

As in a prayer: under my breath I whispered, your mine..
Know not why you affect me so.
But each time I see you about my heart flips
And my silent tears slowly unbidden flows .
Seeing you that early morn you stood there proud as a god.
That stance you take the way you hold your head, just slightly to the right.
For a man, you are beautiful so handsome..
And you're wearing your best colours, the festival of Holi"the festival of love.
Everyone wearing the colours, psychedelic colours, colours of the rainbow.
Sleepless nights I've had just thinking of you..
Thinking that time by the gateway you stood waiting.
Am mesmerised by your eyes so dark like pools,
Your hair flowing in the breeze and that grin you wore..
I could have kissed you..we never spook before,
He standing in his garden head bare..
He stood there like Caesar like a god looking at those in the eyes flinching not.
I thought he looked rather arrogantly it suited him..
Today I promised myself that I'd speak to him..
So in between the singing the dancing crowds rowdy with their colours.
Taking a splash, the red gulaal walking slowly towards him I took his hands as I stood before..
Splashing the red gulaal "red powder "upon his cheek uttering, "Happy Holi".
But I whispering under my breath,
Can help not loving you.
Your mine.      

My First Words

My first words to you..
Where you're' coming from I know
For a stranger in exile, I've been for such a long time
Being sent to the edges of hell ambiguously
In the middle of a city am standing in the silence, the dust
The sunset streets no one adores a stranger in exile..
The picture in my mind of you frozen in time
On the crowds on the streets, I've lost my mind
In that kiss that very first kiss I've stolen from you
My man, as I touch your face thus,
Holding your face in my hands kissed you that first time
The scent of coffee still lingers on you like a halo in disguise
The aroma of the said coffee, with memories or not
Gazing at you from afar my heart skips,
Whispering phrases like a nightingale singing in pain
With an arrow through its heart..dying.
Remembering where I've been in those streets
Where I brokenly uttered the truth
Spoken hard spoken softly looking at you like,
A stranger with the deepest, blue eyes
By the spring that fated night
Where that storm passed through
Stopping below those clear spring waters oozing through.    
The waters of life for me for you..
The strobe of blue lightening as I shivered through
Terrified taking your hands holding you tight
But the light in your eyes was mesmerised looking at you
Looking beneath that mountain high
Where I found you dumbfounded searching high
For my madness my restlessness my whims that you know
Understand me or not completely forsaken.
On the scented grass I lie
The rain softly coming down you kneeled closed to me
Loved me made love the emotion so deep I cried
Tears flowing silently from my eyes
We cried and cried again
Our body's dripping from the rain our tears
We kissed time and again
The blue lightning the storm in our veins
Storming in our blood yet again
My words clearly my words
My first words
To you.

Spring Time & My Senses.

In between spring time and my senses
The touches, the touches written in time
And the fire from, my senses burning embers fiery in my mind.
The anger the agony extinguishable, is not
Expressing the warmth, I feel in my heart
When you express not, what's in your heart.
Your footprints imprinted on the sands
And the dust hanging above me
Where the sea will touch not, your footprints of all time
For you never cared before what I feel what I say.
That bridge we crossed many times before,
Where I stayed in your shadow in silhouette,
In the darkness behind my window pane, I could not refrain.
Everything is still, but before the darkness resumes again
With the candle lit in hand, I stand behind my window pane,
Before the moonlight returns again,
Lyrically uttering my verses sung poetically by me
I uttered them time and time again ..you didn't hear me
In the midnight dreams, I dreamed solely of you
As I came out of my dream my pillow wet
From,the tears I shed in my sleep
For my poetic verses weren't received by you...
When I think of the time that there was just you and I
Now, knowing you roaming the streets
Each road each alleyway looking to stay
Some room somewhere some bed unknown
The pillow scented of some stranger before..unclean
Sleeping undisturbed by the window opened
Your door's never locked, as you fall asleep
There's a light breeze in the air all around you.
In my fantasy, I slither beside you sitting watching you softly breathe
The rhythm of your breath, your eyes as you dream..the smile on your lips.
Our story is all amongst the city streets
Amongst the strangers and the known
But what's between us and the city
Is the love endured love that exists between us!
In the midnight whispers,  I can listen not to the wind's
Whispering softly, not all need to know
The scent of you.. sending thrills through me
My mind unfocused mind in ecstasy
My senses my senses has no defences
 My senses know not its the time of spring.

                                  By Connie James.