Why Am I, The Way I Am

Why am I , the way I am ???
Do people see me as this obnoxious,
Difficult demanding sort of person,
Am I clingy ? clinging to people that praises me

Like a child I hold on for dear life... if that is me,
Why should I be so, this demanding unreasonable
Kind of child woman that's still looking for approval
From those around her...why does this child woman hurts so much

As she's writing ...this, silent tears running down ones face 
Like a river running down to the sea ...those turbulent violent waters
That swells and undulates on to the shore...smacking hard against the rocks..
Spuming white water that's so exciting to see ...yet again like a child ,

That she whoops and aahs  ...with the excitement rising within her
With camera in hand filming ,the extraordinary scene before ones eyes.
Those wonderful waves, crashing down, not far from me ...
Awe inspiring as it holds one rooted to the spot..

Yet why does she want to cling... to things she can't obtain  
The family life that once was hers ...that has been taken away
Without ...rime or reason...abandoned  forsaken  
You are immaterial, in the meaning of life...

This was a family member, all my life I've been fighting
For a reason to live...fighting for my little corner
In this great big world... am I such a ghastly human being !!
So when a person is kind, and say something nice about you

One doesn't always believe it... because ones been slapped down
So often... that one tends, not to believe when praise, is being dished out .

                                            By Connie James