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My heart and my innermost thoughts I share with you. Delve a little deeper within...my words are for you to discover your own heart. But be careful now...you might just like what you find.

Thursday, 29 October 2020

The Orchestra

            The Orchestra

         By Connie James  

The orchestra has come to remind me 
Of the music the sounds making me feel nostalgic
When life was beautiful!

A charmed, childhood had we
Life was fun, with much of music
And very much full of love!  

Papa was our hero, we loved him so.
A musician was he amongst other skills,
Turning his hand at most things.
Our home most times full of music, and laughter
As a child growing up recollecting the ins and outs of life.

After dinner, we'd be sitting all around the dining table 
Making music...
For instruments using our voices 
Accapella we sang. 
Making the sounds of an instrument of your choice
But of course, we had the cutlery glasses saucepans,
Lids as cymbals pots as drums! 
And so we had our percussion;
But of course, Papa was the maestro.  

I can still see him with his baton in hand
We kids were called to make our sounds in tune
In turn to make music...
Oh Lord you only had to be there to witness 
The madness of it all 
Oh my goodness, what a madhouse!

The singing the laughter, but most of all the love.
Hysterical noise, growing, louder much louder;
And Mama begging for the noise to stop.
Compering to a lunatic bin!

Papa would have none of it like a child protesting.
Ahh, the sound the beautiful sounds 
The music, the laughter the tears and the love; 
I miss you so much!  

Today as we get together long after Papa's gone  
We sang acapella.
One would start moments later the next would take on
Going on and on never-ending
Embedded in my memory, my heart...
Boa Noite Querido Papa;
Sleep tight.
 
     

Feeling Blue


       By Connie James

Know not what's up with me
I guess feeling blue 
My soul's crying
feeling a weakness running through me 
Tiredness taking hold of me.

Behind my eyes, there's a waterfall cascading
oozing through me;
Without any help from me; 
A certain tightness in my throat my chest 
Suffocating me;
On top of my world, I should have been. 

Just arrived from my paradise island 
Where I was born;
The lands of my Papa that he tended with love.
The old homestead, looking so sad.
Where once there was laughter   
 Music and dance ever after, happiness abounded.

Now it's a place a sad place, dead;  
Irrevocably dead.
No sign of life in those that reside there
Might as well have been zombies automatons 
But there again they had lost their other halves
Happiness has left the building, regrettably. 

The lands I ran around as a child 
Climbing the fruit trees my brother and me
Chasing the livestock a couple of ragamuffins,
In bare feet, ahh, Mama would dispair.

Now, not much land to speak of but, what's left 
It's lying fallow a wasted land where once crops would grow
So sad, no pride anywhere...
The soul of the homestead has died;
Lands that Papa tended tirelessly, 
Our little paradise in the days of old... 
As you walk in desolation greets one's eyes.

The gardens that once was the envy of many; 
Now, bothered they won't be;
Lying fallow, dead grass trees unkempt.
Red dust that once a fertile land used to be.
The untidiness permeates everywhere. 
The summer house now a dumping ground. 
Where once had pride and place.

The flowers, orchids that resided there 
It was a place where one could sit and relax. 
Afternoon teas, little cakes galore.
Even with us rumbustious kids, laughter abounded.

Awfully sad seeing the devastation taking hold.
No one cares or sees, the desolation blind, they must be! 
The pride has gone from a home that once lived loved. 
Sang and danced at every chance
In papa's days.
Now their not living, merely existing, waiting for god. 
Just waiting to die;  
As the brightest star vacated her world 
Taking laughter with her...

I believe I know now why I feel so blue. 
Once upon a time, our home was a happy place to be
But I live not there, others taking control. 
Or not. Waterfalls still flowing 
There's an ache within me.
Tiredness! I know not!!   


He Gives Me Shivers

      He Gives Me Shivers

          By Connie James

Every time I see him 
       He gives me shivers;
His penetrating stare goes right through me
Challenging me!
      Looking at me, forbiddingly; 

But beneath his skin, he's on fire.
        His fibrillating heart
Pumping through his veins his blood
        Burning like embers of meteorites. 

Walking away, I did try.
       But miserable as sin was I.
As he gloriously stands before me 
       A thought came to mind;
Where did he, sprang from!    
        Approaching, I saw not him. 

Looking at me that look, leaving me
Quacking, in my boots.  
        I felt the floods gates, opening.
Silently weeping; 
        Damn him! 
Confounded I'll be.
         For he gives me shivers;

Looking into his eyes the attraction insurmountable 
          Like a magnetic field drawing me.
Hating myself for falling yet again;
         Bewildered leaving me.

 Oh, dear lord all over again giving me shivers. 
         Losing control;
Kissing every inch of, he.
        Setting fire to my blood his touch
Ahh! Into my cocoon must he snug up 
        Marvellous creature whispering! 

It takes all of me to fall not, all over again for, he!
        Why dear Lord has, he this effect on me? 
Escape I won't be his eyes 
    The colour of my deepest oceans 
         Yah, he gives me shivers!


I haven't Lived

I haven't Lived

By Connie James 

I haven't lived!!
She screamed into the winds. 
I haven't lived.
You do you mean you're glad? 
Apollo!
How would I know!
The differences between one another.
A fairy story is that what you want?
I've known but one love in my life.
I know no different.
Incandescent words phrases lacking in my life. 
Setting my blood on fire.
Oh, dear lord Apollo.
What have you done, setting free 
The beast in me!  
This primitiveness taking hold of me!
Primal feelings am all at sea.
Exuding this obsessive obsession from me.
Cannot have enough.
The sight of your name's enough, making me yearn  
Just like a river running through me!  
The sight of you driving me cuckoo,
Hands cruising over me.
Looking for that screw, I've lost along the way.
So ignorant, so ignorant, I feel.
Apollo; 
Since meeting you
The ins and out's of love.   
The scent of love on my sheets, the reality.
Never experienced such love.
Omg! 
Dead was I, trapped by a silver thread, my soul 
Then comes you freeing the beast the animal
Lying dormant freeing me!
From the dead limbo, I was living, now 
How can I go through life?
Knowing there's so much more to live for! 
You should have left me in the dead limbo,
I was living. 
Ignorance can be bliss, emotionally
Confounded I'll be.
How can I go on, knowing I cannot possess you,
Again?     
My words I write functionally, my imagination 
Running wild
Of thoughts unsatisfied in my mind!    
In me, there must have been the need for life as I know it.
Now how am I suppose to live my life 
Knowing that there is much more of a life one can live. 
One life one love, one's life half lived! 
Did I not deserve much more than this?
Careful for what you wish for, you might get it! 
Your incandescent words, phrases burning my blood  
Flames high fire's so wild.  
I fear cannot have a good ending, Apollo! 
As you touch kiss me, my mind. 
Adrenalin oozing through my blood 
Awakening this primitive being, dormant within me.   
Touch me, darling kiss, kiss me  
Intermingle your breath with mine.
Let me feel the fires in my blood, consuming me  
For all eternity!!




Maestro Please

      Maestro Please             

    By Connie James

A new Adonis on the block
     Suave as only he can be.
His eyes deep dark pools, inviting me!
      Shall I delve deeper, into his dark 
Mesmerising eyes! 
Deep as my turbulent oceans
Across from me! 

     Into the depths of hell, irrevocably I'll be;
Oozing animal magnetism, oh dear me!
His forbidding look directed at me,
     Challenging I can be, oh my! 
My heart won't listen to my mind   
It's as stubborn as me.

Oh, infamy!      

Rules following me!
Not me! If it suits not me.
Out of the window goes by the rule book and I. 

     Our Adonis has the world at his feet.
Worshipping, He.
Am just one of those, finding him irresistible.
      Oozing from every orifice sexuality
On his pedestal I placed, he!  

     He's a God, Zeus linked intrinsically.
Make cannot head or tail, of he.   
At his beck and call, we'll always be 
Adoringly;

     Hard dominating, kings stare aloof stands he.
On his perch we placed, he.    
Following his every move our eyes, watching.
     A Maestro conducting a symphony!
His baton touching each and every one
     Obedience demanding;

Playing us like a harp, progressively. 
      Plucking at the strings of our hearts 
Like violins. 
      Conducting from his perch 
Shedding electricity, he knows how to move!
So attuned we've become to him.  

     But a rebel I'm, always have been 
Glancing at him defiantly.
My ivory's and I, doing their own thing.
Alarmingly rising euphorically into a crescendo>
     Decreasing to a piano pianissimo...

Gazing sternly at me, frissons ran through me.
     A warning echoing through my mind 
He, won't stand me playing silly buggers with, he.
A battle of wills between him and me.

     Deep into his mind, I'd love to look. 
And see his pheromones rising; 
Drooling I'll be, setting my eyes upon, he 
      Like a damned fool, dreaming.
The worlds full, irrevocably of such fools as me.

      I could kiss his eyes his lips sensually;
Oh, dear Lord, you're killing me.
Touching his mind with mine,
      His hands whispering over me!
Whilst screaming, I'll be let it be! 
Oh, dear Lord have pity on me!

    My heart fibrillating ecstatically 
Embers burning my blood on fire will be!
Incapable of obeying me.
     Wonder how he sees his world, defunct will be  
If protect we cannot be possible. 

     All these bleeding hearts falling at his feet, admiringly.
Lifting his baton striking into a crescendo
Raising our minds increasingly.
Adonis always will be  

On The Richter Scale

   

       By Connie James


On The Richter scale. 
Scaling into oblivion.  
Whilst my earth shook beneath me. 
Tumbling from her axis, hold me!
Clinging on to you.

Whispering forcefully, common!
Frissons running through me,
Again!  Hold me!
Refrain, cannot imagine, your
Whispering touch calling your name.
Make love to me!   

Convulsing on the Richter scale 9.9
Euphorically, the sensations the ecstasy
Contain an impossibility! 
Grasping at nothingness unable to anchor me!  
Whilst down below,
The realisation that you won't come to.  
Deflated hitting a low! 
Waterfalls spilling from the core of me.

Searching you in the eyes of my mind, eluding me
Punishing me;
Why punish me when I needed you!

My worlds collapsing all around me. 
Searching high and low 
It was you! 
Oh, my darling always you!
Under my fingers, I could feel your every sinew.
Breathing inhaling every pore of you.
Hungrily kissing your lips taking tasty sips ;
Delving deeper touching your soul.
Touch, me darling again, love me.

But the reality you won't even talk to me;
Punishing me for being me!
But win I cannot;
In my mind, perpetually. 
I miss you, love you. 
The way you made me feel,
So real!! 

Waking me from the limbo that I was living.
Making me feel good! 
Wasn't such a sin!?
The laughter from within the sighs.
With tears running from my eyes
Aching with laughter, 
You do me good.
Suffice to say, the fun's dissipated;

Returning back into the limbo I was living.   
In between earth and hell;
I guess heaven can wait, another day.  

 

Where Will You Be



   By Connie James 

Darling get out of my head 
Embedded in my mind, you'll forever be.
When making love, coming to mind.
This longing for you's an aberration.
So detached from me at all times.

Yet I feel your eyes following me. 
Penetrating, ruling me. 
All through the week, you can rule me.
Softly, softly pianissimo! 
Admonishing me, he'll be, for 
Thinking of you.
For feeling loving you! 
Don't ever tell me what to feel, see or think.

Darling, thinking of you!  
Here sit I, across the water from you 
In the freshness of the morning in dew.
Before the sun opens, he's eyes. 
To the gloriousness of a new day...  

In your element, I see you across from me. 
Stretching up to the skies. 
A sight for tired eyes.
Can you not feel my darling messaging 
Via your mind.
Worshipping the essence of you. 

I can hear bells pealing in the distance.
In my wooden cabin sitting amongst the trees 
Feeling like Jane waiting for my primitive Tarzan. 
To swing by.

The birds are singing. 
In a glorious symphony lifting my spirits high.
As I try flying from tree to tree
In my mind's mind.  
So lonely darling with me and me!
But still, the bells are ringing elevating me.

And continually being admonished by, he 
In how I should see, feel or think.
Soaring out of his reach, into infinity.
All I see are your eyes following me.
And he shouting at me! 
That there are rules to follow!

F..k the rules say I, a sheep I've never been
Nor will ever be!
A mind of my own I possess to do see and think. 
As I please.

But darling trying shutting out the cacophony.
Interfering with my senses.
Darling, can you feel not my breath 
As I whisper in your ear, what I'd like to do! 
Standing behind you cupping your eyes...

Cruising down your spine  
Kiss each and every vertebra, slowly.
This fantasy feeling your every sinew... 
Looking into your eyes, 
Through, me penetrating an infusion 
Reawakening me.
The adrenalin intoxicating entering my blood 
Into a point of no return,  

Minds all over the shop concentrate cannot. 
Like a bird in a golden cage fluttering 
Whispering winds undulating in the breeze
The sound of a flute rising in the air. 
The sweetest of sounds.

Casting my gaze beyond yonder, I see nought.
Except for fluttering birds panicking between the trees 
Perching right in front of me that skeletal tree   
Squawking infernally...
Darling where will you be.
Thinking of thee.