I haven't Lived

I haven't Lived

By Connie James 

I haven't lived!!

She screamed into the winds. 

I haven't lived.

You do you mean you're glad? 

Apollo!

How would I know!

The differences between one another.

A fairy story is that what you want?

I've known but one love in my life.

I know no different.

Incandescent words phrases lacking in my life. 

Setting my blood on fire.

Oh, dear lord Apollo.

What have you done, setting free 

The beast in me!  

This primitiveness taking hold of me!

Primal feelings am all at sea.

Exuding this obsessive obsession from me.

Cannot have enough.

The sight of your name's enough, making me yearn  

Just like a river running through me!  

The sight of you driving me cuckoo,
Hands cruising over me.

Looking for that screw, I've lost along the way.

So ignorant, so ignorant, I feel.
Apollo; 

Since meeting you

The ins and out's of love.   

The scent of love on my sheets, the reality.

Never experienced such love.

Omg! 

Dead was I, trapped by a silver thread, my soul 

Then comes you freeing the beast the animal

Lying dormant freeing me!

From the dead limbo, I was living, now 

How can I go through life?

Knowing there's so much more to live for! 

You should have left me in the dead limbo,
I was living. 

Ignorance can be bliss, emotionally

Confounded I'll be.

How can I go on, knowing I cannot possess you,

Again?     

My words I write functionally, my imagination 

Running wild

Of thoughts unsatisfied in my mind!    

In me, there must have been the need for life as I know it.

Now how am I suppose to live my life 

Knowing that there is much more of a life one can live. 

One life one love, one's life half lived! 

Did I not deserve much more than this?

Careful for what you wish for, you might get it! 

Your incandescent words, phrases burning my blood  

Flames high fire's so wild.  

I fear cannot have a good ending, Apollo! 

As you touch kiss me, my mind. 

Adrenalin oozing through my blood 

Awakening this primitive being, dormant within me.   

Touch me, darling kiss, kiss me  

Intermingle your breath with mine.

Let me feel the fires in my blood, consuming me  

For all eternity!!

Maestro Please

      Maestro Please             

    By Connie James

A new Adonis on the block
     Suave as only he can be.
His eyes deep dark pools, inviting me!
      Shall I delve deeper, into his dark 
Mesmerising eyes! 
Deep as my turbulent oceans
Across from me! 

     Into the depths of hell, irrevocably I'll be;
Oozing animal magnetism, oh dear me!
His forbidding look directed at me,
     Challenging I can be, oh my! 
My heart won't listen to my mind   
It's as stubborn as me.

Oh, infamy!      

Rules following me!
Not me! If it suits not me.
Out of the window goes by the rule book and I. 

     Our Adonis has the world at his feet.
Worshipping, He.
Am just one of those, finding him irresistible.
      Oozing from every orifice sexuality
On his pedestal I placed, he!  

     He's a God, Zeus linked intrinsically.
Make cannot head or tail, of he.   
At his beck and call, we'll always be 
Adoringly;

     Hard dominating, kings stare aloof stands he.
On his perch we placed, he.    
Following his every move our eyes, watching.
     A Maestro conducting a symphony!
His baton touching each and every one
     Obedience demanding;

Playing us like a harp, progressively. 
      Plucking at the strings of our hearts 
Like violins. 
      Conducting from his perch 
Shedding electricity, he knows how to move!
So attuned we've become to him.  

     But a rebel I'm, always have been 
Glancing at him defiantly.
My ivory's and I, doing their own thing.
Alarmingly rising euphorically into a crescendo>
     Decreasing to a piano pianissimo...

Gazing sternly at me, frissons ran through me.
     A warning echoing through my mind 
He, won't stand me playing silly buggers with, he.
A battle of wills between him and me.

     Deep into his mind, I'd love to look. 
And see his pheromones rising; 
Drooling I'll be, setting my eyes upon, he 
      Like a damned fool, dreaming.
The worlds full, irrevocably of such fools as me.

      I could kiss his eyes his lips sensually;
Oh, dear Lord, you're killing me.
Touching his mind with mine,
      His hands whispering over me!
Whilst screaming, I'll be let it be! 
Oh, dear Lord have pity on me!

    My heart fibrillating ecstatically 
Embers burning my blood on fire will be!
Incapable of obeying me.
     Wonder how he sees his world, defunct will be  
If protect we cannot be possible. 

     All these bleeding hearts falling at his feet, admiringly.
Lifting his baton striking into a crescendo
Raising our minds increasingly.
Adonis always will be  

On The Richter Scale

   

       By Connie James

On The Richter scale. 
Scaling into oblivion.  
Whilst my earth shook beneath me. 
Tumbling from her axis, hold me!
Clinging on to you.

Whispering forcefully, common!
Frissons running through me,
Again!  Hold me!
Refrain, cannot imagine, your
Whispering touch calling your name.
Make love to me!   

Convulsing on the Richter scale 9.9
Euphorically, the sensations the ecstasy
Contain an impossibility! 
Grasping at nothingness unable to anchor me!  
Whilst down below,
The realisation that you won't come to.  
Deflated hitting a low! 
Waterfalls spilling from the core of me.

Searching you in the eyes of my mind, eluding me
Punishing me;
Why punish me when I needed you!

My worlds collapsing all around me. 
Searching high and low 
It was you! 
Oh, my darling always you!
Under my fingers, I could feel your every sinew.
Breathing inhaling every pore of you.
Hungrily kissing your lips taking tasty sips ;
Delving deeper touching your soul.
Touch, me darling again, love me.

But the reality you won't even talk to me;
Punishing me for being me!
But win I cannot;
In my mind, perpetually. 
I miss you, love you. 
The way you made me feel,
So real!! 

Waking me from the limbo that I was living.
Making me feel good! 
Wasn't such a sin!?
The laughter from within the sighs.
With tears running from my eyes
Aching with laughter, 
You do me good.
Suffice to say, the fun's dissipated;

Returning back into the limbo I was living.   
In between earth and hell;
I guess heaven can wait, another day.  

 

Where Will You Be

   By Connie James 

Darling get out of my head 

Embedded in my mind, you'll forever be.
When making love, coming to mind.

This longing for you's an aberration.

So detached from me at all times.

Yet I feel your eyes following me. 

Penetrating, ruling me. 

All through the week, you can rule me.

Softly, softly pianissimo! 

Admonishing me, he'll be, for 

Thinking of you.
For feeling loving you! 

Don't ever tell me what to feel, see or think.

Darling, thinking of you!  

Here sit I, across the water from you 

In the freshness of the morning in dew.
Before the sun opens, he's eyes. 
To the gloriousness of a new day...  

In your element, I see you across from me. 

Stretching up to the skies. 

A sight for tired eyes.
Can you not feel my darling messaging 

Via your mind.

Worshipping the essence of you. 

I can hear bells pealing in the distance.

In my wooden cabin sitting amongst the trees 

Feeling like Jane waiting for my primitive Tarzan. 
To swing by.

The birds are singing. 

In a glorious symphony lifting my spirits high.

As I try flying from tree to tree

In my mind's mind.  

So lonely darling with me and me!

But still, the bells are ringing elevating me.

And continually being admonished by, he 
In how I should see, feel or think.

Soaring out of his reach, into infinity.
All I see are your eyes following me.

And he shouting at me! 
That there are rules to follow!

F..k the rules say I, a sheep I've never been
Nor will ever be!

A mind of my own I possess to do see and think. 

As I please.

But darling trying shutting out the cacophony.
Interfering with my senses.

Darling, can you feel not my breath 

As I whisper in your ear, what I'd like to do! 

Standing behind you cupping your eyes...

Cruising down your spine  

Kiss each and every vertebra, slowly.

This fantasy feeling your every sinew... 

Looking into your eyes, 

Through, me penetrating an infusion 
Reawakening me.

The adrenalin intoxicating entering my blood 

Into a point of no return,  

Minds all over the shop concentrate cannot. 

Like a bird in a golden cage fluttering 

Whispering winds undulating in the breeze

The sound of a flute rising in the air. 

The sweetest of sounds.

Casting my gaze beyond yonder, I see nought.

Except for fluttering birds panicking between the trees 

Perching right in front of me that skeletal tree   
Squawking infernally...
Darling where will you be.

Thinking of thee.  

    

Just One Day

          Just One Day 

       By Connie James

Just one day in my life 
Just one day.
I'd love to be loved like no other 
In any other way. 
To be loved unconditionally 
Matters not what they'll do or say
Holding me close, even If I push you away
To share my life despite my ways!!

What I spew out when I'm hurt
when you walk away!
The silence's a killer, what can I say!

Yesterdays!
So many many yesterdays 
When you'd take me by the hand and say.
You are my love my life the Stellar in my skies.
You've sparkling diamonds in your eyes.
Filling my heart when you smile  
Inexplicably in a wonderful way. 

Loving you matters not.
Whether to love you, they have no say.
Shivers running through me. 
Fighting all the way.

It's my life, I'll play it my way.
Stubbornly, they'll say;
To love you not in any way.

Conspiringly you'll say, my love 
I love you!   
In my ambiguity, I turn and look away
Extinguishable my love's not
In any way;
The world we live in understanding not
No way!  

But some days my obtuseness   
It's there for all to see.
When extolling my love, uncontrollably 
When it comes down to you, in every way 
Let it be, let it be they'll say. 
The silence's killing me.
Ominously you'll love me not in any way!

Yesterday!
Why must I think of yesterdays! 
When we'd sing and dance at every chance 
And make love in every way.
The stormy winds now have taken it all away. 
We've left ambiguously in what to think or say.
But I refuse to say no more's 
I Love You...

He's Great

      

Edited version 

  By Connie Jame

He's Great

Standing before me I imagine, he 
In the eyes Of my mind 

Ahh! Imaginings;
      Echoing through me my mind, a time 
When he stood, gazing at me
Much laughter in his eyes.

I love nudging up to him spontaneously.
Kissing his eyes!
      It's there to see my impetuosity. 
Jut reactions from me! 

He drives me spare, psychologically;  
Disrobing me! 
Cannot bear he gazing at me thus.

Scaling I'll be that mountain high.
Just to see to be with, he! 
Ahh! His eyes like those flax blue fields 
       In the distance;
I see a colourful sea of blue, twinkling. 

Mischievously bewitching me.
        His greatness I see it's inherently within, He.
Carrying within me this obsession;
That Galic air about, He   
        His proud stance, the way he walks
Like a Peacock in the distance.

         The redness of his hair;    
There is something about He 
What flummoxes me; 
Looking at me right in the eyes! 
       Unflinchingly; 
The attraction, connecting me.

        He's always great when you enquire of He.
Looking into his eyes, mmm Kissing his lips!
       Surprised I'll be at the reaction of He...

Missing a beat my heart.   
That perpetual look in his eyes
         Leaving me wondering;

Inexorably there's a fire burning my blood.
Always great He seems to be;
Mischieviousness, looking into his eyes  
You can see how great he can be!

           But the greatness of he no one can see but me!

A great mover He'll be dancing cheek to cheek. 
           I can feel the greatness of He;
O' dear Lord! 
I could kiss the very core of He.

         Taking me beyond reality, thus feeling...
Disperse must not from me!
Holding closer that twang of his.
Softly whispering, shall we?  

         Feeling desire, my blood's on fire!
My heart beating, like a drum excessively.  
Boom, boom! By the greatness of He;

He knows how to play me, unhurriedly. 
Like a harp plucking at the strings of my heart
         Inexorably;
Wrapping my arms around him 
Bewitched, always living me.  

       His eyes the colour of my skies 
And the cornflower fields across the way... 
Swaying in the breeze, an ocean of blue;  
           knowing smiling, mesmerising beguilingly...  

   

I Am She!

I Am She!

By Connie James

I am she
That captive bird in my golden cage
swaying in the breeze
Stale the air that I breath choaking life
Beneath my blue skies
Taking me far and wide being
Carried in the wind.
I'm the wind beneath his sails and
Of his words, I dream
Skimming the waves ecstatically
Tormenting me
Filling my heart, with wondrous yearnings.
To touch to kiss, to feel!
You cannot disguise the look in your eyes.
What's happening with you,
Where did you get to?
Your phrases confounding me your words
Having me begging.
Painting me with your eyes assiduously
Like a trapped bird that cannot fly
Fluttering my heart.
Missing your arms enfolding me.
In the ambiguity of being free
Taking to my wings and fly
Into the thermal winds.
You're the winds beneath my sails
The air I breathe
And the way I undulate
Beneath my skin.
The dreams I've dreamed,
Rivers rippling through me
Carried away, tempestuously by the breeze.
His words filling my senses
With longings of yesteryear,
Phrases I want to hear yearnings of love 
To touch to kiss your lips
Conditioning my Mind, in ways possible
I thought not.
But there again finding myself a captivated
Bird, unable to fly.
Beyond the clouds peeking the skies
The scent of, he inebriating me
Like a fine wine
His words filling my Mind
With pink dreams
To have to hold, touch to kiss
To be free!
To fly!