Feeling Human...

Out of my window,
The view it's as grey as can be
Leaving me in a world of ambiguity...
Grey morn's, I like not it's as miserable as can be
As I hide beneath my quilt hibernating
As the old boy brings me a cup of tea 
Flowing like a river my tears
Cause am sad as can be
That before my eyes a gossamer impeding me
From visualising beyond my misty morns
I like not mistiness greyness it does nothing for me
Except leaving me in desultory
Energy can find not cause it's as grey as can be
My mind refusing to accept this greyness before me
Reaching high trying unfurling those curtains in the sky
As wide as can be
But the denseness is such
It does not help me!
Getting up on my perch it helps not me
Even on my tip toes overbalancing me
Looking beyond my universe
It's as high as can be
But I know I know that behind those gossamer clouds
A blue sky there will be
With the sun brightly scintillating before me
I need brightness in the darkness of my days
Dispersing, those gossamer clouds, from my mind my eyes
Letting lightness in, leaving me feeling
Much more humanly!!

By Connie James

Just One Day

Just One Day

Just one day in my life just one day
I'd love to be loved like no other in any other way
Someone there for me. and love me unconditionally,
No matter what I do what I say
Someone to hold me tightly even if I push you away
To hold me grounded in every way
To share my love my life even in spite of my ways
The ambiguousness in, in what I say
Things that I spew when am hurt when you walk away.
Walk from me without a word in any way.
The silence's a killer in every day
And my heart's screaming out why!
Why you're walking from me I know not, no way
Yesterday so many, many yesterdays.
When you'd hold me by the hand and say
You are my love my life the Stellar in my sky's.
You've sparkling diamonds in your eyes
When you smile when you laugh filling my heart.
In an inexplicable way.
Loving you the way I do it matters not what they say,
The ambivalence in me who's to say
I know not why I love you this way
With a body that thinks not in any way
With a mind obsessively in every way.
Reasoning not, come what may
With love, you can not reason in any way.
And a head uncoordinated stubbornly they'll say
Love you not they'll say in any way.
Conspiring with others my love you'll say, Je t'aime.
To keep me happy to keep me quietly but 
My love extinguishable is not in any way.
My heart cry's out for you, every day of my days.
We live in a world, I understand not in any way.
With a people that care's not, I must say
The ambiguity, the obtuseness sometimes in me.
It's there for everyone to see
When I extol my love uncontrollably
 When it comes down to you in every way
They'll say just let it be let it be!
In my heart...
The constriction in my heart is such
No one sees what I feel every day of my days
When you're away from me without a say
Ominously I'll think you love me not in any way.
Yesterday why must I think of, yesterdays
When love was sweet in every way
We'd sing and dance at every chance
When togetherness was our way.
Now the stormy winds, blown it all away.
We're left ambiguously what to think what to say
With a brain refusing to say no more...
Je t'aime...Je t'aime..............

Connie James

Our Mother Earth

This is more of an essay...
An epic kind of my mind turning...
Your welcome to read it...If you care to
(((((((((((Our Mother Earth))))))))))))

The heartbeat of our world it's breath raspingly
As we count our heart beats one two and three
Like a bellow's pumping oxygen into our world
Gently puffing as she breathes deeply so alive is she!
Our Mother Earth
She's home can you see not, her voice intoningly for all to hear
As she sings imploringly,
The vibrations carrying far and wide
From the mountain highs the savannahs the valley's down below
It's intonation rising beyond the sky's high above you and me!
Where condors sway on the thermal winds
Above our firmament, swaying floating dancing in the breeze
The complexity of she understands one can not
As she goes from A-to-Z
Upon her shoulders carrying her lot so strong is she.
Ambiguity can not desert distract her world
That once upon the time could forget not the complexity of she...
The diversity of she is there for all to see as she watches you and me
If only you open your eyes and see
It's awesome panorama surrounding thee
It's beauty by far you have seen not, can not see
From the savannahs wild so wild going about their world
There goes those beasts about their world, ambiguity not on their minds.
For they think, not greediness not on their minds
They just take what they need, at the time there's no greed
Enrichment is not on their minds.
The rain forests, their density that once was such a sight to see
A diversity of colours green! you'll ever see
In the time of autumn the richest colours you'll ever see
Before your eyes
The profoundness of colours defunct, cascading floating gently
From their canopy of colours,
The reds, the rusts the bronzes intermingling with the golds
Right there before your eyes the richest carpet, you'll ever see
Under their canopy nakedly they'll be
So proudly displaying before our eyes
The greatness of their beauty, falling at our their feet.
Waterfalls exuding from her like tears in anguish.
The densest cloud gossamer-like the density is such

Impeding our eyes from visualising its intensity
From her eyes flowing tears as if in pain within
Her diversity is such in a blink of an eye
Gone before you realise what she's all about
Nature abounds everywhere
Before your very eyes so attuned one becomes
Crowding our sky's those birds going by across our firmament...
The elegance of those Swans the Flamingos the Condors flying high!!
And all those in between, all the little birds of our world!
O why can I not be a bird flying high
In the extremities of my sky's
Riding those thermal winds, why can not I!!
In my imagination there goes I
Swaying floating through those eternal winds of life
Goes I so attuned was I,
Swaying dancing in those winds of life never wanting to end
Beneath our oceans our sea's life's beautiful
Like those whales holding hands as if dancing the Danube
So attuned were they
A kaleidoscope beneath our oceans
A diversity of colours, one sees one's mind overflowing, in intensity
Whilst above our sky's beyond our, universe our stars...
A better sight you'll see not as far as I can see
It's the rising of the sun unfurling before me
Like an entity casting its eyes upon me bright like a diamond
In its immensity like rivers of gold, viscus tumbling into the sea
A new day a new life, a new meaning new hope
A new beginning for you for me
But our mother earth's hurting, the greediness of our world
Grasping wanting everything destroying, life's nature...
This thing needing of wanting more than we need
Destroying our forests
Whether or not there's a need
Their cull'ing our wild life's with their greed
Our medicine there not, medicine comes not into it!
They're just living breathing hearts beating just like you and me
Were we in their position, hunting us down
Killing us slowly extracting our bones crushing down
For that elusive magic potion, that kick, that elusive kick up the pants
That aphrodisiac or so they believe
Why can't they just live and let live!!
And their coats our clothes their not to guard us, from the cold.
Their cutting cull'ing raping our world in every way, you can see
They're ripping burning our forests leaving desolation behind
Scarred flagellated screaming out hurting dying for their greed
Poisoning our world chemically, the animals they breathe forcefully
Stuffing our faces greedily such a sight ghastly to see!
As if a tomorrow, there wouldn't be!
Our forests are plundered of its life you see
Killing everything in sight the animals, the trees a scarred land.
That once the home of many, from the animals
To it's indigenous peoples to the rain forests you see
A scarred land our world, now extinct for the greediness
From this so called animal, these intelligent human beings!
They are killing our world!
In desolation, they'll rule our world, such sights
These accursed human beings eating our way it hurts to say!
Eating our way into the extinction of the animals of our world
Our rain forests now nakedly with the destruction
From those greedy cooperates, greedy buggers
Leaving nought but destruction, desolation wherever they roamed...
Our seas our lands of ice are melting away
Tears of blood our worlds crying
Whether there's time's enough or not,
To turn things around...
God only knows!

By Connie James...

It's An illusion ...........

It's an illusion
Looking at my two hands, I see!
A life that's gone by me
Taking my youth my life
And everything I held dear
As I look into my mirrored glass
There's, tears escaping my eyes
A torrent, a deluge unstoppable waterfalls
Escaping from the very core of me
My mind perturbed in pain, my heart
And everything else in between
My life my love desired's not
Hanging by a silken thread my, life's inherently
Going through my thoughts, I knew it'll last not
My feelings his feelings
My mind my heart was his if so desired
From dawn till the going down of the sun in the evening,
My thoughts were his .
And every second in between...
In my mind's the tribulation,s enough
To say I know not why am feeling
This ambiguity within me, my minds in turmoil
In what to do what to say
Why should I care, if he want's not to stay!
But looking into my two hands
It's too late, to want to hold he, against me
To have to hold, his face in my hands
Caressing his eyes with mine
Whilst I whisper his name
But a life am free not! To live it.
Hanging on by a thread my life!
Is it worth! living it?
In my mind, I see he looking at me!
Wanting.
The light in my life you've become
A life that cares not if it's lived or not
It's immaterial that life's for living
In the recesses of my mind desolation live's...
Perpetually...
If I look into his eyes I see not love!
Staring into the extremity's, of my mind,
My mind that knows not the meaning
Of a life as I know it!
Taking my mind wringing it dry, & scattering it...
Getting up from my bed
Drawing the curtains wide, I see desolation
Before me! Greyness starring at me!
That gossamer impeding me
From seeing lightness in the darkness of my mind
In ambiguity my mind, what's up with me!
Me, that can see not the stars in his eyes
Here there goes another tear..another star...
His eyes looking at me disguising not his feelings
But as I touch his mind with mine
I know I can hold him not in my arms, & kiss him
My arms aching for the touch, the very depth's of me
Looking into his heart, seeing ambiguity
In his obsessivity
O ambiguity won't you disperse from me
His mind's not, can hold not me
In its entirety letting go of me, much easier
But my mind can hold not
Dispersing from my mind this illusion
But if free I can not be
To live in this ambiguity I can not
If those around me, know not the real me!
If in ambiguity I must live
In the obsessiveness of my mind, I can not!
It's an illusion.

By Connie James...

Do I Pray!!

Do you pray!
I've been asked the other day
No!
Not anymore I must say
An unbeliever I've become
An agnostic I'll be
Since a mere teenager, I was
I've become unarmoured with religion you see
A lot of hypocrites they'd be...
Runs in my family hypocrisy!!
I so abhor!!
And so a rebel I've become I listen not to anyone
I do my own thing,
Someone, much higher I believe there is
Much higher than you or me!
A supreme being maybe
But I believe not in these priests, these purists!
Pure they'll not be
The evilness in some of them
Scary!!
Then I was asked
What would you like most in the world?
Well that's not too hard says I
I'd wish peace amongst the peoples of our world
To live in love and harmony stop killing one another
The greed amongst them inherently will be...
But I do ache inside of me!
Infernally!
With tears flowing silently
My throat constricting my breath
Breaking out with a cry, my heart shattering
Into thousand pieces...
In between tears I tell he
What I'd most like in the world
Would be to have back my family
Like we used to be
And look into his eyes telling he, that I!!
Assiduously I try not
Let it disperse from me trying, trying!
Bursting breaking my heart
Into a thousand pieces fragmented
My world's shattering up around me
I care not I think not, I can not bear
They've gone from me
Friends cannot pass the time of day
Always in a hurry to go by the way
Even though saying how great I was
Saying hello fleetingly, pass the time of day
Running from me!
His features popped into my eyes disturbingly
Know not what scares he
Feeling uneasy!
Within me, as my tears falling achingly
Sorry for myself I guess I'll be!
This thing that annoys me most, my feelings!
How I miss papa on this epochal season
He was the Stellar, in my skies
He had diamonds scintillating in his eyes, for us
His arms huge like a bear hugging us
Always that smile the light of love in his eyes
Our hero he was!
Nothing's worth this misery I feel within me
In my mind, I'd love to be free!
Free from the bastards in our world!
To be just me!!...

                      By Connie James ...

The Only Face

The Only Face...

It has launched a thousand ships
A thousand ships or two
It's a good face, for anyone to see
It's a face ingrained in their minds
It's the only face that I see.
Between you and me!
A better, face you wouldn't see so far I can see
It's launched thousands of ships
Sailing the seas
I being one of those maidens
Has stayed in my memory
So full of strength, that face of his
Those seeds you've cast upon my mind.
Roaming across the miles goes he!!
Fathoms, deep skimming across the seas.
Distant lands hollering...
Oi there me beauty's me, dearies
He'd came, a hollering
His longboat, the Vikings of old
So in love or lust, those maidens would he
As he came cruising around the headland
Disheveled hair he came a running upon the shore
As he landed in paradise their god...
In their primitiveness once more
Like never before as they carried he shoulder high
Ambiguity to be seen not anywhere
Hollering like a war game
Carrying their man with the long red hair
His eyes blue, so blue gazing far & wide
This paradise land, beyond the horizon far
The bluest of skies
Whispering winds, swaying in the breeze,
The mountains high the lagoons
Those waterfalls, so blue
Like a gossamer curtain shimmering in the sun.
Crystal clear diamonds scintillating
In the noonday, before madness sets in
Scanning his eyes far and wide,
A land spoiled not, by man, a paradise land
Being carried shoulder high
Through his paradise his domain,
He ruled with fairness and love
His heart, his maidens retained
As they proudly stood by
With mischievousness in they're eyes
As they gazed into his face,
A face brimming with love
For his beauty's on the horizon far
Fathoms deep, across the miles
A face that launched ten thousand ships.
But those long boats in their minds mind 
Those pirates that he ruled with a fist of iron
Recognised was he, hollering he arrived
Drums beating, infernally Vikings of old
Rampaging manically...
But the face the only face refrain they could not 
In far distant lands, recollecting... 
He that ruled their, world.
With fairness & love
Carrying him shoulder high
Their god, with the long red hair;
And the bluest of blue eyes.

By Connie James...

Midnight Hour

Midnight hour

Beyond the midnight hour do not go..
For I want you here with me...
I can read your mind, you came so close to me
From that very first touch shockwaves shooting through me
Each kiss, each touch like a fibrillation to my heart
Quivering so attuned, your pheromones and mine 
Flowing heightening my senses
Adrenalin cruising trough my blood my mind 
Euphorically am in a frenzy 
Grasping my senses, you won't let me be
Crying out your name please don't go 
My mind spiralling touching nothing,   
Nothing to anchor me nothing at all
Reasoning can not, one can not reason, 
When endorphin's in your blood's like a drug
On cloud nine was I riding with the sparrows in the sky 
Beating in time my heart like a drum, my blood
Slowing downs a must, my beating heart!  
But desist I can not, that mountain high I must climb
Stumbling down rolling like a rock, stop can not my heart
Uncontrollably my mind's in a mire  
Awful long time since we made love
To celebrate our love, won't you just stay a while 
My darling beyond the midnight hour attempt to not go
To me, you'll be lost if you went beyond the midnight chimes
My mind my senses I'll be lost
If you attempt beyond the midnight hour to depart 
For there'll be no returning for me
My heart my darling my mind for you'll be lost to me!
As I gaze at you I am smiling in my heart
Making me sing all the while                  
Then beyond the midnight hour's you'll go
I'll be left,weeping, for you for me...
Why must you torment me
This, game flipping my heart yet again
At the sight of you jumping before me saying hi! 
My concentration AWOL goes 
In the gossamer clouds, of my mind
Eluding me from the periphery vision of my eyes  
Leaving me with the sense, of being lost  
Flowing my tears, miserably
Like a Jack in a box popping on and off
Can't take it much more ignoring me
Just stay away from me, why don't you! 
Tormenting me! I need not
Why can you not feel as I do...
Much I need not, just your arms around me
Holding me tight telling me it'll be alright
But going beyond the midnight bell you'll be lost to me
I'll be lost ambiguously searching your image in every man I see
A soul lost searching in time, of all times
That went beyond the midnight hour.
Never to be seen.  

                   By Connie James