Et Tu.....I Shall Exist

I shall Exist.
Many moons have gone by
As I seat beneath the blue sky,
Locked in my silent world
Watch the sky's sitting alone locked in this bottle.
Watching life going by whilst I exist...Just.
Something wrong there must be with me
As those, I love, shun me, even those that care for me
Walk away from me,
Leaving me in a quandary
Ambiguously my eyes cry's as you walk away from me!
Making me feel...
Why did you make me feel!
Should have left me locked in that bottle that was my, world
Dead feelings within me
Why must you pull that cork setting me free!
Free from the dead feelings inside of me
Now those feelings spilling out what have you done?
Feeling good was optional for me!
As I go about my little world, no words from you.
Just needed someone thought I found one in you.
But like all and sundry, silent you go.
You brought feelings I knew not existed
Was having fun I must say, silly me!
Pulling out sticks..ignoring me.
I have a heart you know and feelings that go with it.
My heart cries for me, silly fool!
Why do those that know me not,
Take umbrage, of what I am what I say
Even at my sale by date, they still try
To catch my eye catch me unaware's
I should have known by now.. to care not
If the windows of my world cast a glance and stare.
Looking deeply into my soul,  getting not anywhere
But you my friend, gave me more than I ask for
Although I was having fun like never before
You filled me, my mind with visions
Possible I thought not, foolish me,
Ignorance is not a must my eyes wide open they were
My, heart missing a beat, skipping.
Each time I look at you.
Where does this leaves me, a heart full of sorrow.
In my ambiguity this foolishness in me!
That slapper you brought out in me
To this point, I know not, how we came to be.
Must have had this need in me!
To open my arms and fly sky high
Amongst the birds in the sky,
Like that condor riding those thermal winds
Experience life, you said was there for me.
Life's for living is it not life's too short
That life I've lived such a short while
I knew it was madness, but a hoot, I gave not
Enjoying it too much, what can I say!
Now must crawl back into my bottle where I should be!
Like a genie in a bottle finishing my days in desultory.
For I want to feel this pain not,  that's left within, me.
If kind we can be not, my world will be a place of sadness
Will miss your teasing such a lot
If I was over the top or not.
Et..Tu.
I shall exist, I shall exist.

                                   By Connie James.