Ambiguous Ways

 Ambiguous Ways.        

If the eyes are the windows to my soul, then you are it...
you are the one that keeps me sane, keeps me alive using my mind
and seeing what goes around me,
I see your eyes following me, every which way I turn,
I am flummoxed by your interest, your interest in me,
I didn't know I had it in me this curiosity, that others stand and stare...
as if I was an extreme curiosity...
I always wondered why people would look at me,
It's not as if I was a beauty you see.
At times felt uncomfortable with the looks the stare's
What vibes was I giving them, I asked my friend !!
Do I look like a slapper in my behaviour
I've never acted improperly it wasn't in me,
But I always love to joke and laugh, just like anybody...
I've always been uncertain, of the way I looked I thought quite ugly was I
My neck too long my boobs I hardly had none my feet too big my butt!
Well, I liked not!
With the comments and the whistling every which way I went,
Really used to hate when I passed by a man! their stares.
The boy used to say, the power you have in you,
With just one look one, stare  you could have had anybody,
So innocent are you... How was I suppose to know,
I've made love to just one man, I guess I was that innocent...
But if I was this beauty, why hasn't anyone ever bothered to tell me,
If I was such a looker...for I never saw it myself, I thought I was quite ordinary...
Why did they hate me! I never understood beauty as such, me...
For I never saw myself as anything but...this person that used to hide,
From all and sundry, and my soul cried out, please set me free!
Now that I've passed my sell by date, they still do stare at me,
Making eye contact as I pass by..Starring ahead unflinchingly.
Yet again the boy still says, your still a beautiful woman, you could have had anybody.
But my soul cry's out, please set me free, from the windows of my world,
That have made my life a misery, with their looks their stares.
I ambiguously turning away embarrassingly knowing not how to act,
By the uncomfortable stares...that made me feel so unclean.
If the eyes are the windows of my soul...Then my nose its chimney,
I've such an acute sense of smell, as I go about scenting the air,
Smelling scenting  the air the vicinity around me
The scent's in the air all around you, at times, so heady attacking one's senses,
Every which way you turn leaving you senseless when it comes to the scent of He.
Those pheromones in him  & the endorphins in you,
You are lost in a world of scent, the scent of He so intoxicatingly.
From the scent of the rain that leaving that earthy smell,
The intoxicating scent of the flowers so heady,
Filing one's senses scenting nature all around.
Then my ears are like the earphones of the world.
With the sound of your baby's very first cry,
You're mesmerised by that little creature making that protesting sound,
As he came into the world...
And the crying never stops from the day ones born till one dies...
But there's also the wonderful sound of laughter, as one laughs and laughs again,
With that uncontrollable laughter, that hurts.
To some joke, some story as recounted by many.
But the best sound of all to me, at least, is the sound of music,
The music that Papa instilled in me,
Those sounds can make me laugh cry and whoop with ecstasy,
I have a piece of music for my every mood, whether am sad or happy,
Music has always been my salvation, from the highs to the lows,
To stop me going over the edge...indeed, music feeds my soul,
With unimaginable sounds sending my senses sky-high,
like that Condor riding those thermals winds
My lips my mouth sometimes in controversy,
I say what I think it does not worry me,
I speak as I see although try to hurt not anyone,
Especially those I love, considerate of others feelings...
My lips I make the shapes as I kiss you.
Your eyes your lips right down to your fingertips
As I whisper your name, my voice accentuates, the love in me for you,
For I miss when your not there, it hurts my darling you see,
It hurts when you ignore me,
I need to hear those phrases that only you can express...
It feeds my mind my heart my soul,
With that everlasting balm that makes life's bearable.
For am starved deep down with the need to hear you say
What if, what if, my darling what if I were to say I love you.!!
The sense of touch at my fingertips and yours,
It's unimaginable the senses that navigate's through you,
As you touch me lightly feather-like.
The touch of the night silently sending tremors through you,
As you whisper silently with your hands over me...
Like this sense, am depositing on you, kisses from your head to your toes,
One's mind works overtime,
With the urgency of your touch, as if one is floating on cloud nine,
The ecstasy, the uncertainty the ambiguity of how to deal with such feelings
Navigating through you.
As I touch you lightly ever so lightly,
With my lips my mind the whole of me
One's minds crying out for release.
The sweet surrender.
                                         
                                                 By Connie James.