My Words

My words are waiting...waiting to be heard ...
But no one seems to hear them, my words
If I stay near or far...no matter how far.. my words 
My words stay silent ...if I shout from the roof tops

Highest mountains... my words don't travel the distance ,
If I stay high or low..  it makes no difference ,
Because my words... wont travel the distance...
I have whispered  in the wind, howling wind like a banshee  

In a thunder storm...thinking it may be carried in the distance
Carried along the way a far distance. I have whispered in the fork
& sheath lightning...hopping my words would be carried to you
Far and wide across the oceans... I have yelled my words across 

A rumbling ...whispering sea ,but it ignored me,
I have run across sand dunes...up and down hills and valleys
Hollering, hollering... wont you please listen to me ,
Even the wonderful,  scintillating moon, has warned me

Doesn't think I should try...scattering my words about...
My words in controversy somewhat, listening they want not, to listen 
Because my words are just waiting, for you to stop to listen 
My words are forever waiting , for you my world ...and me.

               By Connie James

Free Spirit

I am a free spirit , so abhor censorship
Censorship is not for me...for I am free, free, free
All my life I 've been told...how to act, how to talk , how to think
But my God gave me a brain ... so I guess its ok to use it

Even now, I get told , don't say this , that ,or the other
As am not ten any more... I will do and say what I think...
Although, keep other peoples feelings in mind,
Try not to upset or hurt anyone.
 
For I have always been just me...  I know my own mind
And woe betide anyone... telling me how to act
I never act improperly...  am not that type, 
But I love to laugh and joke...most of the time ... 

People who really know me ...they know what I am like
For I am a terrible joker...the emphasis on terrible, that's what
Because am me and have always been... this cheeky beggar
That lives inside me...so my dear friends , try not to contain me...

For I am who I am, don't you agree ?

My Island

Sitting here all morning, waiting for inspiration to hit me 
Mind minds gone to sleep, it wont help me.. 
Perhaps I should write a poem lets see.. yah if I can.
I am trying to write a book , my autobiography
Except my brain wont let me, it has left me spent drained,
Emotionally ,mentally and physically
Wish I could snap out of it, just get on with it
Its about where I came from where my roots lie...
My island is very beautiful, its where the flowers grow
Its called the pearl of the Atlantic ... don't you know...
They call-it the isle of flowers , that much is true,
With wonderful green coasts , tumbling down to the sea,
You explore, foraging here and there, coming across
This awesome scenery, with the scent of the Pine, Eucalyptus And acacia trees...
The water falls, the Levadas,  moss hanging from the trees  
The beautiful flowering trees, like Oleander, Daturas Poinsettia
& the Hibiscus too...the Bougainvillea over every wall you see.. 
The colour, the wonderful colour of the Agapanthus,
Hydrangeas, Estrelicias better known as Birds of Paradise & Orchids, & many others too
You stand in awe, the wonderful panorama stretching as far as you can see
With majestic mountains, reaching for the skies,you are soaring above the clouds 
Like a bird floating high, riding the thermals as they glide by in the sky  
The magnificent panorama, it takes ones breath away
Spellbound all Gods work, in all its magnificence, 
Before your very eyes.  

                                       Connie James

Papa My Hero

So quiet and peaceful,  through the night 

As I silently walked,  through my city

Where once I met Papa 

Coming out of his music practice 

In havens name, what you're doing here

 Isn't it time you were at home

Silently I look at him and nodded

I won't be long hands in pocket I walked on,

Looking not right nor left, head bent with my thoughts

Enjoying the solitude as I walked on and on,

The fresh air on my face,  the coolness of the night,

Soothed my troubled mind,  and yet I walk on,

With a spring in my step,  as if I heard Papa playing

Some lovely piece of music, as I picked up speed

As I walked faster and faster... I could not catch up with the music

I was all of a flutter, so I took to my heels and run,

And run like lightening, it seemed I was running in slow motion

 As I could not catch up with Papa... but just round the corner, he was

Standing by the street light,the air was thick with, the scent

The scent of the Eucalyptus intermingled with the Pine

That scent was so heady, that I thought I was in a dream,

 Papa, Papa I uttered in, a scream ...

As I walked and walked with the brightness of the moon,

I knew there was no Papa waiting, round the corner, for me.
               By Connie James                                                 

Trapped by a Hair

This morn woke up, with a weight upon my soul
As if my eyes were closed, my whole world gone.
But I need to keep a hold, upon my feelings that I know
To contain them, let them not spill so

Sitting here, looking out it's rather a grey sky
With the wind blowing, murmuring, whispering
Between the branches of my trees,
Whispering to the birds, as they float and float away

But my soul is trapped, down here by a mere hair
Why can't I just fly like the birds in the sky
Simply can't free itself,  yet here  am fighting another day
Although my friends are there why so alone do I stay

One more second, one more minute hours, hours in the day
When I could be out there, floating like a condor flying high
But somehow am trapped down here don't you know
As if they're  shunning me up there, as in here, down bellow

I see a chink of blue, up there in the sky lifting my spirits high
Telling me pack it in, and try to lift that gossamer
Lining from my mind, but my mind refuses to let the sun in.
It's one of those days I can't win.

It enjoys seeing me in the mire, with tears flowing down, like a river.
Must grab myself by the scruff of the neck
Pull my socks up, don't let things get me down
This precise moment the washing I shall hang out, let the sun drying it

Then I shall put Beethoven on the deck, and do the ironing
Somehow he soothes my very soul, with his wonderful,
Wonderful sounds, my brain smiling  thinking wow,
How can you feel this low...when you have Beethoven in your soul 

                                By Connie James.

Trouble In Paradise

 

Why don’t you, my love, hug me any more, you know I miss your arms, around me

You can’t have things your own way all of the time
Oh why can’t you see, oh why don't you, my love hug, hug me
I know your cross with me, for going on another cruise

But it was you that encouraged me, to experience life at sea
Nothing like it said you…the most dignified way to travel said you.
Why don’t you hug me, my love, anymore, you don’t want to come cruising
But you’ve done it all before, you've been around the world done it all and more

Countless times I’ve asked, but you not, prepare to share the experience with me.

You shouldn’t encourage me in the past, I have the bug in me you don’t like it

Me going cruising anymore, so why don’t you hug me, my love, anymore
Cruising the Fiords again with or without you, I shall go

There may not be a tomorrow…for any of us don’t you see 
Those Fiords made a big impression on me…dont you see
The magic the atmospheric, the exhilarating party time and dancing it’s so exciting
The beat of music that goes right through to ones soul, the euphoria is like a drug

The beat releasing endorphins in my mind, like a drug I fly sky high

So why my love don't you hug me anymore

So when my friend asked me, I said no, no, no I said I’d think about it 
For I knew you won’t like it, but if you won’t come with me

I will go with my friend,  please try not to contain me

My love for I am a free spirit, I too can hate, as well as love,
But I’d rather love than hate you…I need my friends don’t you see 
If am unlucky you’ll go first, then what would I do

Having no one there for me, or what have you.

So why won’t you, my love hug me anymore as if to punish me
My friends are my friends…but you were always my love
From the moment I set eyes on you, it was written in my heart

For no other would do, it was always you, 

So why don’t you hug me, my love, anymore? 

  

   

Blood of My Blood .

Blood Of My Blood

Yes love's always there, for me it never went
Yes its true we don't choose, our family's but I was quite happy with mine
We were a close family, always thought we were a perfect, family.

But there's nothing such a perfectness when it comes down to family's  

Yes, we loved one another...we would do anything for the other.
Or so I thought, but love comes at a price when we trust in others 

Family's or otherwise, but if we believe in human nature, its a sad, sad affair
When one of us decides they were better than the rest, & that you are worthless
 

Getting delusions of grandeur, or what have you,  I haven't time for you and yours
I have my own, so why would I want to ...waste my time, with you
That cut me right to the core, to the very core of my being

Was left stupefied, numbed, by the turns of things

Yes, love is always there intermingling, with the pain.
   

 I've built a high wall, around me..to stop those from getting to me

Am tired of being hurt, it's not much fun for, believe it or not,

I do have feelings like anyone,  but that high wall has failed miserably,
They still do get to me, all I need is see a likeness of them,
 

For my whole world to crumble, with choking tears, as I write this    
But it's not up to us to whom we choose to love,
She was blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh bone of my bone
Yes love is always there but there again so is the pain
 

That pain that never leaves you, it wraps itself around you

 Like a boa constrictor...tightening, tightening around one's heart one's Soul.

That pain never leaves you, waiting, waiting for a chance, to hurt you.

constricting every breath, one takes, fighting the constriction, in one's throat.

As one fights for our little corner, of this vast world 
Yes loves always there, intermingled with the pain
She has destroyed, my very being, my very soul
But love can turn to hate, at times I think I do

I hate her, even as I love her, it doesn't make sense does it!

I've lost a sister to motor neurone, on the day we buried her, 

I've lost another one...but it seems the wrong sister was buried that day

For the one that's left,  is dead and buried too me
   

From that day on things changed irrevocably,

The pain in my mind my heart, that I not only lost one sister but two.  

I know it's foolish of me to love them with all my heart
But when I love, I love deeply, with all my heart,
There are no half measures with my love.
Yes loves always there, but there again so is the pain.
But some family members, interfering where they shouldn't
They think they know it all one of them even, call me a stranger.

As I was talking to her daughter as she dragged her away, by her arm.

as if I didn't know all about her life, but life's what one makes of it

My misfortune coming across her,  I know what she's like.
A Leopard changes not it's spots

Then they play the innocent as if butter would melt not
 No excuse for beastliness,  haven't I had a hard life...
 Yes, love has turned into hate, in this case, I know hate's an ugly word
But there, won't be any more chances from me.
And yes loves always there, but there again so is the pain.
Yes no family is perfect, and mine certainly is not
Papa would have turned in his grave, by the turn of events
They were blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone.

                   

                                     By Connie James.